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Yet Another 'Should I Quit' Thread

C

CauliColin

Feb 16, 2011
692
7
North Lincolnshire
www.youtube.com
#1
I am getting frustrated now. I joined with a couple of friends who I share some lessons with, which has lead to a band formation. Two guitars, drums and bass. Only I have actually tried to find a singer, despite the lead guitarist/singer-to-be being enthusiastic about finding a singer.
The details: Me and the drummer provide practise space at our house. However, the guitarists seem to like mine more (so they can watch my brother play Skyrim and go on chatroulette all night). This has happened a few times. When the guitarist and I have one-on-one practises, we seem to practise for half an hour, he requests a five minute break which ends up stretching to two hours of him staring at the TV and compute screen. Despite this. He claims to be the one most focused on practising.
I feel that I have no input in the discussions too. If I were to mention a song (eg Hysteria - Muse or Factory Of Faith - RHCP) the guitarist would say 'no, the guitar is too boring!' and loudly claim that the song and/or the artist is/was/will always be homosexual. I'm sorry, but the band constantly hurl songs like Everlong and Slash at me and expect to learn them and don't expect to me mind, something is wrong.
Also, if they say 'let's only suggest one or two songs.', they mean 'Let's say one song, but on the day before the rehearsal mention four more!' I manage to learn all of the songs, but the people who suggest them don't even bother. That gets my goat.
However, I am the only bassist in the area who will half put up with them, and I do not like not being in a band. And the final nail on the coffin, we have our first gig coming up in May. I am thinking that, to be fair, I should quit after the gig, because if I quit before, it will be the sore loser move. Also, I see these guys almost everyday and I would feel very guilty if I left under a cloud.

I am in quite a pickle. If you managed to read all that, can I have some help.
 
#3
You think you'll be ready to gig in May at this rate?? :eyebrow:

Now is the time to get out. Yes, if you stay another 3 or 4 weeks your window has closed and you'll be stuck till after the gig. The band is still green so IMO you can get out now and not be held in contempt by reasonable people. Stress reasonable people. And if they're not reasonable, who cares what they think?
 
#5
If you have to ask in an online forum, whether you should leave or not, the answer is always "Yes".

On the other hand, nothing you describe about the others' behavior sounds like a real band, so what's to quit?
 
#10
WHAT OTHER BAND MEMBERS DO THAT BUG ME
1. The lead guitarist/singer-[DEL]to-[/DEL] wanna-be is enthusiastic about finding a singer but doesn’t look for one.
2. The guitarists seem to like my house more for rehearsal (so they can watch my brother play Skyrim and go on chatroulette all night). This has happened a few times.
3. When the guitarist and I have one-on-one practises, we seem to practise for half an hour, he requests a five minute break which ends up stretching to two hours of him staring at the TV and compute screen. Despite this. He claims to be the one most focused on practising.
4. The guitarist would say 'no, the guitar is too boring!' and loudly claim that the song and/or the artist is/was/will always be homosexual whenever I mention a song (eg Hysteria - Muse or Factory Of Faith - RHCP).
5. If they say 'let's only suggest one or two songs.'..on the day before the rehearsal mention four more!
6. They disregard my input input into our discussions.

WHAT I HAVE DONE TO HELP THE BAND
1. Provide rehearsal space (along with the drummer).
2. Only I have actually tried to find a singer.
3. I manage to learn all of the songs…the people who suggest them don't bother.

MY FEELINGS/CONCLUSIONS/OBSERVATIONS
I am the only bassist in the area who will half put up with them
I do not like not being in a band.
I am getting frustrated now.
I am thinking that, to be fair, I should quit after the gig
If I quit ...it will be the sore loser move.
I would feel very guilty if I left under a cloud.
I am in quite a pickle.
Click to expand...

Sometimes it helps to list the pro and cons. I hope you don't mind that I edited a bit for clarity. :)

IMO, since they have not worried about your opinion on anything, you don't need to worry about their opinion on what you do.

As you go through life you'll run into the same situation many, many times.

IMO, taking a stand for what's best for you is best for you.

Just let them know you won't be able to make rehearsal any more. You don't have to explain. If you provide explanations they will get all huffy and attempt to argue with you about your "reasons". Even then, they will try to wear you down.

OR, you can lay down some expectations on them (personally, I wouldn't do this. I think it will create more drama and tension):
1) rehearsal is rehearsal - no stopping for other activities
2) everyone has to be prepared at the beginning of rehearsal - no learning songs at rehearsal
3) if there is no vocalist by next week=no bass player.
4) violation of any rule at anytime=no bass player

Btw, how long is the gig? How many songs do you need to fill the gig? Simple mathematics will determine if your band can learn enough songs in time. With the history you've described, doesn't seem that they will put in enough time to learn the tunes.

Also, who's going to do vocals at the gig? See, no band, really. :atoz: Also, songs with a vocalist are not boring even it the guitar part is "boring". Do you have a PA/microphone/monitors for the gig? Set list? Has anyone in the group actually played a gig before? Is your backline giggable?

PS. IMO, they are really not your "friends". Maybe acquaintances. Real friends treat you better than they do. They are taking advantage of your good nature and will continue to do so until you put a stop to it.

No need to be mean or get angry.

PSS. You are not in a band. Just some guys who get together and pretend to rehearse. Based on what you've shared, I think they will get all amped up a few days before the gig and want to practice for hours and hours. With no vocalist, it wont' matter how much you rehearse.

Your band mates are immature. Since you've shown some responsibility, drive and perseverance, there should be other bands out there looking for a guy just like you.

Good luck.
 
#16
I'm 50, not 15, and play as a avocation. YET, anything you're serious about requires dilligent effort. The guys you're paling around with arent serious, they have no dream. So two things, 1.) be cautious of associations with dreamless ones as they will slow you down and take you off your game, and 2.) to borow from Vic Wooten, and others, "perfect practice", not just practice, is what makes you grow and move ahead.

There may be some other "fronts' to the issue, but these two that point to goals and musicianship are the key. They put the green light on and...

Jumpmaster says its time to JUMP! Start your week off with a COMPLETLY new day to move forward. To save face and not be a sore loser( which makes no sense in this context), you'll need what, 30 songs min to do a gig? Set a rigorous time schedule. The dreamless ones wont adhere to it as is their way, and you can cancel the gig in a few weeks, and the band by consequence, due to Mother Music.

IMHO, you should be at your best if you're going to gig, in deference to Mother Music, not your own ego. If you can't dig that, you may want to read 'The Music Lesson' by Vic W. It may clarify your role as a musician, or lightnin' rod for Mother Music.
 
#19
I decided to quit today due the lead guitarist really getting on my nerves. I clearly stated I would be more than happy to do the gig, but now everyone is saying no. I knew I should have waited. Beforehand, I suggested we all practise the songs so we know them like the backs of our hands, due to the fact a new song had been chosen by the guitarist without anyone's consent. The guitarist then had a fit and started spouting abuse, including false homosexual accusations, which I have been facing all too often by his hand.
 
#20
CauliColin said:
I decided to quit today due the lead guitarist really getting on my nerves. I clearly stated I would be more than happy to do the gig, but now everyone is saying no. I knew I should have waited. Beforehand, I suggested we all practise the songs so we know them like the backs of our hands, due to the fact a new song had been chosen by the guitarist without anyone's consent. The guitarist then had a fit and started spouting abuse, including false homosexual accusations, which I have been facing all too often by his hand.
Click to expand...

It will be alright dude. I would've quit too. I just open up a similar thread. My lead singer is getting on my nerves. Dumb as a stump and a liar to boot. Its not worth being pissed all the time.
 

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