Your favorite comebacks?

[Gaolee]

To telemarkers:

Thanks for calling, now what's your address? I need to know so I can send the bill for my time to the correct person.

 

[Marial]

"May I introduce myself?"

"Sure, those people over there look nice."

 

[tastybasslines]

"your mom". EOT/

 

[slobake]

"So, to make a long story short."

"Too late."



"Can I ask you a quick quesion?"

"No"


"Do you live here?"

"No, Im working my way through college as a part time burgalar."

 

[slobake]

When I was a phone tech I would go to a lot of offices. I would check in with my contact and go to work. Sometimes someone in the office would see me and wonder who I was. A lot of times they would ask me.

"May I help you?"

I would usually smile and reply "No thank you" then go on with my business. At that point the person would usually start stuttering and try and figure out what to do. Sometime they would then ask me the real question. "Who are you?" Then I would expain who I was and what I was doing.
When word got out about a phone tech in the office people would start approaching me with their comments and requests. I would refer them to my contact.

 

[Eric Perry]

"your mom". EOT/

My go-to.

 

[mellowinman]

"Shut up or I'll punch you."

 

[tastybasslines]

My go-to.

Are we twins from another life Eric?

 

[slobake]

"Are you busy?"

"Yes sir/ma'm. I'm busier than a one legged man in a butt kicking contest."

or

*"No , I was just sitting here eating bon bons and watching soap operas."


* I usually use this one when my wife asks me if I'm busy when it is obvious that I am.

 

[i_got_a_mohawk]

"your mom". EOT/

I was going to go with:

"YOUR MOTHER!"

ala Egon in Ghostbusters

 

[wild4oldcars]

"At least I shower regularly"

People have absolutely no way to prove/disprove anything if you say that (unless you live with them or something)

 

[fishtx]

Oh, that was a low blow...speaking of low blows, how's your sister?

Man, that was a dirty crack...speaking of dirty cracks...How's your (insert relative here)...

 

[JimK]

"Argof---yourself"

...just watched Argo.
Duh!

 

[Eric Perry]

Are we twins from another life Eric?

Oh, that was a low blow...speaking of low blows, how's your sister?...

Fantastic.

 

[sjeverett]

Do you have an extra smoke?

(Looking inside box) nope the pack says 20 and thats what they put in there. No extras.

 

[KevInDaBassment]

This one is particularly useful when someone is bragging...

"*insert bragging or d***-measuring figures here*"
"My God! I had no idea you could piss that far! I'm VERY impressed!"



Stops em dead in their tracks

 

[sharkbait130]

If you want sympathy , it's in the dictionary.......somewhere between $#!) and syphillis.
He's so stupid , I wonder how he remembers to breath.
If I had a dollar for every piece of good advice I 've been givin , I'd be broke.
Seriously..........SERIOUSLY?

 

[96tbird]

Guy says to you "Pick up the pace, whaddya got a piano tied to your butt?"

You say, " No, but I have a mighty big organ between my legs."

 

[edpal]

To the Jehovah's Witness at my front door, "sorry, I'm Jewish".

 

[bmc]

"If you get a chance to F.O., take it."


"The people you meet when you don't have a gun."