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Allowing someone else to jam with my guitar?

#21
Matthew_84 said:
Hi TB'ers,

I need some of your opinions on my feelings about a situation I'm struggling with (sorry in advance for the long rant):

For the last year or so, I've been jamming with a three-piece hip-hop band (myself, drummer, and an MC/Bandleader). The MC is one of my wife's best friends and was one of the very few people at our wedding of less than 50 people. The drummer is his cousin.

There are no gigs, and not even a setlist. Just every every few weeks we get together and improvise - I'll usually come up with a bassline or melody, drummer will come up with something that matches, and the MC will freestyle along with.

Several months ago I bought a beautiful, top of the line MIM Fender Stratocaster. I decided to bring it to one of our jams, where it was just the three of us, in case I felt the urge to play it instead of the bass, or in case one of the other guys wanted to try it out. The MC has an amazing gift for knowing what sounds good, and is usually pretty decent on any instrument the first time he picks it up. Even if the drummer wanted to play the guitar, the MC could hop on the drums and we wouldn't lose a beat.

One thing I should mention about my Strat is that it is not tuned to standard guitar tuning (EADGBE), it is tuned into perfect 4ths (EADGCF). In order to achieve this, I had to get to lower tensioned B/C and E/F strings. I did this so that I could learn one fingering for a major triad, and apply it anywhere on the fretboard. Also it made more sense to me - the bass is still my main instrument, and I didn't want to spend too much time on the guitar learning the fingering for every chord.

Two sessions ago, the bandleader texted me and asked me to bring the guitar again so his guitarist friend could come along (who is apparently amazing at the guitar, yet doesn't own one? :eyebrow:). I didn't feel comfortable with the idea... Sure, I'd be there to oversee everything, but the C and F string would likely have to be re-tuned back to B and E, which would then have to be re-tuned to C and F, which annoys me a bit, and I'm just not too comfortable with the idea of someone else using it. Also, I like to keep my gear in pristine condition and I'm a little OCD about it, which is surely contributing to my negative feelings about the situation.

I ended up cancelling the jam, saying that something came up.

Soon after, I did get unmotivated to play (really not related to this at all), and I didn't pick up my bass for a few weeks.

He texted me again for another jam session, but it also came with a request to bring my guitar for the same guitarist. I was even less in the mood to comply, since I wasn't even motivated to play bass on my own, so something came up again and I backed out.

Last night, he texted me to come for next week... No request to bring my guitar was made yet, and I don't know what to do if he asks. I really do want come to the jam session, as I am now very motivated in playing again, and I look forward to it, but I'm still not comfortable with someone I don't know playing my Strat.

Truthfully, I feel like a pretty big baby about this situation. I'm clearly not able to share, and I feel pretty immature with it all, but it is how I feel.

Anyways, if you stuck in this far, I really appreciate it, and I'd really like to hear your opinions (positive or negative).

Thanks.
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It's best to be truthful. Just let them know that you are uncomfortable with letting someone use your guitar and be done with it. That way you won't have to lie about it, which is evidently making you feel uncomfortable. Perhaps in the future you may feel different about, but there no relief in being stressed out when all you have to do is tell the truth. I'm sure your band members will respect you for it. They are probably already aware of your feelings anyway.
 
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#22
I have a sweet Robert Cray Strat which is my main player. I get nervous about letting my bandmates even try it, much less loan it for the entire evening to someone who I don't even know, of possibly dubious technique. I almost never play with a pick, so the whole guitar, including the pick guard is fairly pristine (even after many years of playing). I just don't want it scratched up, or belt buckled on the back, or anything like that. Other instruments I might loan, amps for sure. But not my baby.

Just tell 'em you're not comfortable loaning it out. Or, maybe, just "forget" the guitar a time or two 'til things blow over ... maybe they'll get the message that way ... or maybe not. ;)
 
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#24
I had a problem once. I had a Squire Musicmaster I really liked. I had paid to install carefully positioned Bartonlini Jazz pickups in it, and other mods. It was my main axe at the time.

I was at a variety show, and someone asked me to use the bass for a few songs. I said fine. Well, when he was done, he leaned it up against a portable stage. When I picked it up, there were hack marks all along the rear of the neck as the edge of the stage was a metal plate. I was furious inside, but said nothing as it was a church thing.

I resolved that I would never lend out high-end instruments to anyone ever again.
 
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#28
PauFerro said:
I had a problem once. I had a Squire Musicmaster I really liked. I had paid to install carefully positioned Bartonlini Jazz pickups in it, and other mods. It was my main axe at the time.

I was at a variety show, and someone asked me to use the bass for a few songs. I said fine. Well, when he was done, he leaned it up against a portable stage. When I picked it up, there were hack marks all along the rear of the neck as the edge of the stage was a metal plate. I was furious inside, but said nothing as it was a church thing.

I resolved that I would never lend out high-end instruments to anyone ever again.
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I learned my lesson very early in life while in my teens. I let a "friend borrow" an electric guitar and never got it back. Because of that I am still very stingy. My father explained to me to never let anyone "borrow" anything that your not willing to part with.
 
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#29
I had a bandmate pick up and start playing my first fodera once....I didn't like bringing it to gigs..it ended up with a big dent in it

to me an instrument is a personal thing, you don't know if the guy picks his boogers, was fapping and didn't wash his hands, was scratching his butt..has poison ivy, you name it...my fingers touch my instrument on a daily basis...... tell him you require people who play your axe to wear your underpants too
 
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#31
Woppin.jpg
 
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#32
Your gear = your rules. That said, tuning should be a non-issue. Now, if you just don't want people messing with your stuff, so be it.

My band is about to start running a jam session and providing backline, so I gotta let people use my amp, but they will NOT be using my bass :D.
 
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#35
On one hand its your gear and you paid for it so ultimately you're allowed to decide if no one else gets to play it or not so you shouldn't feel bad about it.

On the other hand, re-tuning strings is the least of your worries if someone else plays your guitar. And if this guy knows how to play the guitar really well, you have to trust that he also knows how to handle one safely too.

I'm not adverse to gear sharing. I've loaned my rig and basses out to friends and even some randoms playing the same shows as my band. Partly because I like making connections with other bands but also partly because I like hearing my gear in action from a spectator's point of view. Fortunately I've never had an issue with people mistreating my gear but I'd be lying if I wasn't keeping an eye on the players on stage. Again, it just comes down to trusting that players know how to treat gear right.
 
#36
Once upon a time, I'd do it all the time and the gear in question wasn't cheap either. I got a kick out of sharing - still do, and it's nice to hear what others can coax from your rig. But, over time, I discovered that sometimes there were consequences; gouges in finishes, knobs that had been wrenched so hard they'd been shattered, grinding vibratos overtaxing precious frets. And, I've looked on in horror as people have lost the plot and driven my amps way too hard - to the point of annihilation. Sounds great but… Hang on a minute!

I don't pretend to understand the motivation behind this sort of nonsense; could be over-exuberance, over-inebriation, could be that this stuff's more likely to happen when the gear's not yours, could be incompetence, could be jealousy, mean-spiritedness etc. Depends. I know sometimes it is poor form. But, this is the price you pay. As has been said, getting a cheap axe for sharing might work to nullify these kinds of nightmares. Maybe, they'll be insulted. So be it. Maybe then they'll get a better axe from elsewhere to jam with - that'd be just dandy. Happy to say, I don't find myself in these situations anymore so that's cool. I'm still licking my wounds though - there's still some repairs to be done.

One overriding principle I can share is one should never allow a person to make a mistake, especially with your gear. It's kind of an insult, to both of you, so, I agree with others here, it's probably best to take the initiative and put your foot down, just to be sure. There will be times when it'll be more natural for gear to handed 'round. Seems to me though, this probably ain't one of them.
 
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#37
Risky but I love hearing my rig with a great player onstage....Shows me how I COULD sound thru it....I can still listen to my old bass from the 80s on CDs from the band that used it in the studio....I eventually sold it to the Band leader.
 
#38
There are strangers whom I will hand an instrument in a heart beat and there are people whom I know quite well that I will not do that with. Bottom line: If it feels uncomfortable for any reason then do not do it. And the fact that you are uncomfortable with it should be a satisfying explanation for anybody who respects you. Whether it is because of a specific tuning or being OCD or whatever-no need to go there.
 
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#40
It seems to me you have two options. One, as many others have said, is just to talk honestly to your bandleader and tell him that you'd love to have the guy come over to play, but you're just not comfortable letting other people play your guitar. He'll probably understand, and the guitar player will probably understand too. The solution might be as simple as having him borrow a guitar from someone else.

The other alternative is to consider whether you might make an exception in this case and let the guy play the guitar. I know people have lots of horror stories about all the awful things that might happen, but keep in mind that he's not going to be using it in a crowded bar, surrounded by drunks, etc. You can tell him at the outset that you don't usually let people play the guitar, and ask him to please please please be super-careful. And you'll be there every minute and able to keep an eye on him. If he starts to do something with it that you don't like, you'll be able to stop and correct him.

But do one or the other, ASAP. You're not being fair to yourself or the others by canceling jam sessions!
 
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