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Allowing someone else to jam with my guitar?

#61
Once and only once did I let a fellow use my gear and it was a disaster. Thrashed away on my bass and cranked my amp to the max. Needless to say after that toon was finally laid to rest I went up to the stage and unplugged the ungrateful sod and told him if he wanted to trash a guitar and rig to use his own. Only took the one lesson to teach me. Ever since then I have avoided any and all jams that required our bands backline. I've always showed the up most in respect when using someones gear. I just ask how to turn your rig on and never never touch the controls, (I have all ways brought my own guitar) something I have hardly ever seen any other bassist do. I have all ways gotten a thank you from the bands bassist for being thoughtful and respectful.
 
#62
I'm always amazed when I hear these stories, because it seems to me that most bass players -- for that matter, most people in general -- aren't like this. I mean, I feel sure that most people would treat borrowed gear with great care and respect. So why are there so many stories like this? The only thing I can figure is that the kinds of people who would treat your gear recklessly also happen to be the kinds of people who have the gall to ask to use it in the first place. The (vast majority of) players out there would treat your gear with care and respect if they borrowed it, but they are the very people who would never ask.
 
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#64
Doesn't bother me too much if someone wants to play my nice gear AS LONG AS the situation is controlled and they aren't thrashing on it.

That being said, if you are uncomfortable with some stranger manhandling your strat, it's perfectly healthy and okay to tell the MC "I'm not comfortable with some stranger manhandling my strat", or maybe even "Yes, but it's set up in 4ths and he will have to play it like that."
 
#65
As a band leader, I'd be more pissed at cancelling practices last minute than not letting someone borrow an instrument. A simple 'no' that would take less than a second caused others to waste hours of their time. Someone may have had to get a babysitter, trade a shift, take time off, or passed on other opportunities to do a rehearsal that never took place. Someone may have sacrificed time to prepare for a rehearsal that wasn't going to happen. I understand that stuff happens, but if you cancel for a frivolous reason, I'd definitely be bothered by it.

Forgive me if I sound harsh, but the inability to say no isn't being nice or cool. It's actually being selfish in that you care more about what people think of you, than who you really are or how your responses may affect others. For some reason there's a lot of folks like this in music, and I wish it would stop. It doesn't make anything easier, nor does it make you look any better.
 
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#67
INTP said:
A lot of people have trouble saying, "no", and you seem to be one of them. Think of the cost of not doing so vs. setting the boundary that you are comfortable. You subconscious is driving your conflict aversion, and you're missing out on opportunities to jam with close friends.

Just be honest and tell him you don't want someone else playing your guitar.

You have the right to say "no".

It's your guitar. You don't owe an explanation and don't have to justify your decision, so don't spend time trying to explain yourself. IMHO, engaging in such a conversation only dilutes your point.

You have the right to say "no".

You owe it to yourself and your friend to be upfront instead of allowing this to become an unspoken wedge in your friendship.

You have the right to say "no".
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I think you ought to mention that he has the right to say NO! :)

Seriously, that's the main thing here, and too many people think they have to justify themselves for saying 'No'
 
#68
jive1 said:
As a band leader, I'd be more pissed at cancelling practices last minute than not letting someone borrow an instrument. A simple 'no' that would take less than a second caused others to waste hours of their time. Someone may have had to get a babysitter, trade a shift, take time off, or passed on other opportunities to do a rehearsal that never took place. Someone may have sacrificed time to prepare for a rehearsal that wasn't going to happen. I understand that stuff happens, but if you cancel for a frivolous reason, I'd definitely be bothered by it.

Forgive me if I sound harsh, but the inability to say no isn't being nice or cool. It's actually being selfish in that you care more about what people think of you, than who you really are or how your responses may affect others. For some reason there's a lot of folks like this in music, and I wish it would stop. It doesn't make anything easier, nor does it make you look any better.
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This.
I think just by saying no, you prove to other people that you respect your instrument and care for it enough to not enable others to possibly damage it.
Perhaps slightly off topic, but to me, it's like the big name artists who feel the need to smash their guitars and amps at the end of a concert. It's deeply disrespecting the instrument, and although perhaps fun for the show value, think about the poor people who could actually use and love that instrument.
 
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#69
jive1 said:
As a band leader, I'd be more pissed at cancelling practices last minute than not letting someone borrow an instrument. A simple 'no' that would take less than a second caused others to waste hours of their time. Someone may have had to get a babysitter, trade a shift, take time off, or passed on other opportunities to do a rehearsal that never took place. Someone may have sacrificed time to prepare for a rehearsal that wasn't going to happen. I understand that stuff happens, but if you cancel for a frivolous reason, I'd definitely be bothered by it.

Forgive me if I sound harsh, but the inability to say no isn't being nice or cool. It's actually being selfish in that you care more about what people think of you, than who you really are or how your responses may affect others. For some reason there's a lot of folks like this in music, and I wish it would stop. It doesn't make anything easier, nor does it make you look any better.
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But the OP isn't talking about an established band, he's talking about a loose jam and was boldly asked to supply an instrument for someone who apparently doesn't care to come prepared himself. As a band leader myself, I have let regular bandmates use my guitars and drums, but I don't automatically provide gear for others on a regular basis, especially at a loose jam. If some guy who is supposed to be amazing on guitar, he should own one and show up with it.
 
#71
I agree that you have the right to say no.

But, for myself, I like watching people play music. I'll lend my cheapo ibby and crate combo to anyone, so long as I'm there with it. ;-) For the DB, people are intimidated already, and I can count on my fingers the times that someone asked to borrow it (1) or even screw around without permission (2) in the last year (where I've been playing 3-4 nights a week with regularity).
 
#72
Matthew_84 said:
Two sessions ago, the bandleader texted me and asked me to bring the guitar again so his guitarist friend could come along (who is apparently amazing at the guitar, yet doesn't own one? :eyebrow:). I didn't feel comfortable with the idea... Sure, I'd be there to oversee everything, but the C and F string would likely have to be re-tuned back to B and E, which would then have to be re-tuned to C and F, which annoys me a bit, and I'm just not too comfortable with the idea of someone else using it. Also, I like to keep my gear in pristine condition and I'm a little OCD about it, which is surely contributing to my negative feelings about the situation.
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No. You don't know the guy, he should have his own gear, and it's not your problem. I wouldn't even make excuses. COMMUNICATE the fact you are not comfortable with the situation.

Matthew_84 said:
I ended up cancelling the jam, saying that something came up.
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I think you just should have laid it on the line. A simple "No. He should bring his own guitar." Should have sufficed. If the BL said anything, "Not my problem. I don't like lending my gear to people I don't know." Simple. Direct. Firm.

Matthew_84 said:
Last night, he texted me to come for next week... No request to bring my guitar was made yet, and I don't know what to do if he asks. I really do want come to the jam session, as I am now very motivated in playing again, and I look forward to it, but I'm still not comfortable with someone I don't know playing my Strat.
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SAY NO TO LENDING YOUR GUITAR.

Matthew_84 said:
Truthfully, I feel like a pretty big baby about this situation. I'm clearly not able to share, and I feel pretty immature with it all, but it is how I feel.
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The only thing immature about this situation is you not being direct and firm. This timid approach will backfire. I don't think you should feel guilty about saying NO at all. I don't want to insult you, as I do realize your trying to not be a dick, but you need to set some boundaries. If you don't, the BL will continue to take advantage of you until you quit.
 
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#73
I'll make a distinction. Under controlled circumstances, I allow other bass players to use my amplifier if I know them already or am going on next and don't want to monkey around with moving it. It's always within my range of sight, though, and I always give some directions about what's OK and what isn't. Sometimes I'll allow an interested person to play an instrument I own for a brief time as a test drive. Nobody plays a show with an instrument I own. Nobody has ever asked, either, so I guess there's some unwritten rules getting violated in the OP. Saying no would have been easy in that instance. My reaction probably would have been something like "wait, what? You are kidding, aren't you?"

I agree about a DB - play one of those and people are intimidated by it.
 
#77
This thread has me thinking about my upcoming high school 50th reunion. There's going to be a jam session and I'm signed up for it. I can just see it now: some alumni is gonna show up without an instrument and wanting to show everyone "he's still got it!". Then the pressure starts – "oh please, ya gotta lend me your axe, I'll be careful, I promise!" "Dude c'mon, my buddy's awesome!" etc. etc. I better bring a beater! Or maybe a fretless, that oughta scare them off.
 

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