Am I just a total jerk or something?

[Stinsok]

Unless...he's gonna try to get out of moving equipment/setting up/tearing down because it's his birthday!

 

[bluewine]

Your being a callous and greedy a-hole for not wanting to do the gig.

 

[Jim Campbell]

So I'm playing in an an old-school, 7-piece soul/r&b band for my main gig right now, which is 98% covers. The band is strictly a no-nonsense, business, for-profit, party band. We're just 7 guys that get a really good time out of playing music to entertain people, and make some cash on the side. Typically we do weddings, parties, events, and some bar gigs. I would say that we're a really professional band, and we don't take gigs that aren't worth it either money-wise, or cause-wise.

Here's the issue: The guy that fronts the band does all the business work: booking, contracts, negotiating money, advertising, etc. He's awesome at it. His downside is that he has a pretty abrasive personality, and likes complete control of the band (most of the song list, arrangement, etc.) That bothers me a little bit, but if he keeps finding me good gigs, then I really don't care, because its fun and the payout is good.

The problem is that has booked a gig on his birthday at a really, really crappy bar that pays nothing, and he knows it. He wants to play the gig because it is his favorite bar, and he wants to show off "his" band to his buddies.

I am pretty pissed about it. The way I see it is that I'm more or less a hired gun, and he wants me to miss a perfectly good weekend to do something more worthwhile with my time. I'd really like to rip him a new one at the next rehearsal, but at the same time, it's probably not that big of a deal and I should just roll with it.

So what do you guys think? Am I just a callous and greedy a-hole for not wanting to do the gig, or should I let this dude just have his little birthday thing in peace?

nah....price of doing bid'nez.....roll with it,.try to have a good time and avoid any resentment.....if one or more of these gigs rears it's little head again,in less than a year or so ,or appear to be the direction he want's the band to go..... i'd pull the brake lever,but as you said,he does all the booking and he's good at it,so ....break a leg kid....

 

[plangentmusic]

Dude, you do weddings and clubs. Why is this beneath you? Are you getting paid? If so, play the gig, or find a better way of making money and let the people who want to play music do it.

 

[CapnSev]

Dude, you do weddings and clubs. Why is this beneath you? Are you getting paid? If so, play the gig, or find a better way of making money and let the people who want to play music do it.

Had a bad day?

 

[bolophonic]

I would definitely comp the guy a performance if he is a friend. It would never occur to me to complain about comping a guy who consistently produces paying gigs, but money is not usually my main goal where music is concerned.

 

[Makatak]

Typical LSD problem [ Lead Singer Disease ] . Let him have his blowout , do the gig , but ring him an hour beforehand and tell him your car is busted and he has to pick you up . That way you can get to the gig , have a few drinks and not have to worry about a DUI charge ! . Tell him youll do the gig for nothing for his birthday so you look like the good guy and youve quietly got your moneys worth out of him lol .

 

[hrodbert696]

Play the gig. One freebie for a band member should not be a big deal. Make some good-humored but clear comment to him that you're giving him a birthday present. As long as he's not making a habit of dragging you all over playing gig after gig for free, I don't see that it's a big deal. Our drummer has a son coming home from Afghanistan next month and we're going to play his welcome-home party for free.

 

[BassyBill]

My experience has taught me that if you turn down too many of the gigs you don't really want to do, then the ones that you do want to do can dry up really fast.

My Dad told me years ago to never turn down a gig if I was free to play it, and I think he was right. It's those crappy gigs that get you a reputation for being willing and able to work playing music, and you never know who'll be watching, who you'll meet and what the results of that might be in the future. I'm talking in general terms now rather than this specific situation, but this still applies in this case, I think.

 

[plangentmusic]

Had a bad day?

Nope. Just telling it like it is if you're interested in being a pro. Otherwise, never mind.

 

[delta7fred]

My experience has taught me that if you turn down too many of the gigs you don't really want to do, then the ones that you do want to do can dry up really fast.

My Dad told me years ago to never turn down a gig if I was free to play it, and I think he was right. It's those crappy gigs that get you a reputation for being willing and able to work playing music, and you never know who'll be watching, who you'll meet and what the results of that might be in the future. I'm talking in general terms now rather than this specific situation, but this still applies in this case, I think.

Bill nailed it here.

We had a drummer once 'I'll play anywhere' he would say. The reality was very different, unless it was a high paying private gig he would somehow not be available.

He rarely played bars, clubs and pubs, in fact he doesn't play anywhere now but is still trying to get into another gigging band 4 years after we got rid of him.

The 'crappy gigs' as Bill so accurately describes them should be treat just the same as a top notch private function. We played one this summer, the scruffiest pub you have ever seen but we put on our usual show and dressed the part. In the audience was a woman who organised corporate events. She was pretty drunk when she asked for a card and CD. She promptly lost them, the landlord found them as he was tidying up. A couple of weeks later she contacted us and we now have the best paying gig we have had for years. If we make a good job of this one (no reason why we shouldn't) there should be more the same.

 

[sikamikanico]

Play the gig. One freebie for a band member should not be a big deal. Make some good-humored but clear comment to him that you're giving him a birthday present. As long as he's not making a habit of dragging you all over playing gig after gig for free, I don't see that it's a big deal. Our drummer has a son coming home from Afghanistan next month and we're going to play his welcome-home party for free.

+1

Play it, but make it a birthday present and make it clear to him (in a diplomatic way).

If there's some tension building up, release it as soon as possible. Talk to the guy, but take his ego into account. No need to confront him, find a diplomatic way to talk to him. If you have a good idea for the band (music, a gig, whatever), try to find a way that he thinks it's his idea... No reason trying to change the guy (you can't change others), but if you'd like things done differently, you can change - adapt to the situation.

 

[corinpills]

My experience has taught me that if you turn down too many of the gigs you don't really want to do, then the ones that you do want to do can dry up really fast.
k.

This is it in a nutshell. How much money has this guy generated for you this year and you can't play a club gig for him so he can show off how proud he is of his band? When you get your 1099, you'll feel a lot better for playing at his birthday gig. You know why he's a little abrasive sometimes? Because doing it what it takes to keep a band busy sucks donkey. the leader is in a spot between unreasonable client pressure (and with weddings, magnify that times 20) and musicians who just want to know what's for dinner and who is covering their parking.

 

[corinpills]

. Not to toot my own horn or anything, but he'd be hard pressed to find another bass player with the chops to play the music in this city, without offering them a nice pay incentive.
.

Guys always think that-and then someone else has their gig and they don't know why. Turns out that chops have almost nothing to do with being a successful working bass player. If you sing lead on a lot of key songs you may be right, otherwise you are probably wrong.

 

[ReMmy]

Remember to consider your motivation... money or music. But it sounds like a reasonable excuse to smear a booger in his mic.

 

[Rockmusician]

I was in a similar situation about 8 years ago. When I joined the band I was told that we were all equals. I soon found out that the lead guitarist/lead vocalist considered us hired guns. I quit the band less than a year later despite the fact that we were touring and playing some decent gigs. The rest of the band quit shortly after and now the guy is back playing sleazy bars near his house.
Sounds like the so-called "leader" is an egomaniac. Time to find a new band. Nothing good is going to come of it. Your level of frustration is just going to increase.

 

[bluewine]

You must not read many of the TB threads.

You are lucky to have a guy in the band that can book quality shows consistantly.

There are a lot of TBers in bands that are struggling to get gig traction.And your complaining.

Dude, C'mon

BTW, as far as the ego thing goes. No band needs a dictator but all bands need a leader. It's a responsibilty that a lot of cats shy away from. You have someone who stepped up to the plate.

 

[faulknersj]

Rockmusician - Sounds like you are projecting YOUR past experiences onto this situation. He never said they ar all equal partners in the OP FYI.

 

[glocke1]

Having been in similar situations, I say just deal with it.

If what you says is true, that he is has taken on the majority of the management stuff (which is sucky job to have), than Id say he probably deserves to have a gig that is "his" once in awhile.

Think if the shoe were on the other foot, that you were doing all the legwork all the time and just wanted one gig on your home turf...

 

[Lazylion]

He always talks about it like it's an equal band but at the same time, ...he picks all the songs on the set, and he sets up 90% of the gigs.

And then he starts talking about wearing matching outfits... for the rest of you, not him...
I've worked for several guys like that, and I've been known to move on when I was forced to admit that there was zero room for any input from me. I don't need to run the show, but I do like a little respect for my opinion once in a while.

So you need to ask yourself: do the overall positives outweigh the overall negatives in this band? If they do, then...

More than likely, I'm just going to show up, play, say happy birthday, and go home.

There ya go, good plan.

...find a diplomatic way to talk to him. If you have a good idea for the band (music, a gig, whatever), try to find a way that he thinks it's his idea... No reason trying to change the guy (you can't change others)...

+1 IME this is often the only way with this kind of guy.