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Am I taking this too seriously?

#21
Hi!
I`ve been in a similar situation...
I`m an emigrant living in Ireland....
I started my first and only) so far job in Ireland...
I was working there for maybe 2 - 3 months...Got really friendly with Irish people... Thing with Irish people is: sometimes the more they slag you the more they like you....anyway....

One guy I used to work with asked me one day:
- Hey do you know where is bus station?
- yes
- Then go there take bus to the airport and fck off from this country...

I actually left my station and went to my car crying...I ws in Ireland for 2 months maybe, didn`t know a single person in here, broke up with my gf before I left my country...you get the meaning....

Anyway... when I calmed down I came back and I told him :
If I was a d....like you are I would go to HR now and probably I would have you fired for what you just said to me especially that I have witnesses...

He didn`t speak to me for few days ...after maybe 3 - 4 days he came down to me and apologized...
His friends said it was a huge thing because he isn`t a person who easily admits to mistake....

Have few more stories like that.

In a situation like this you have always 3 choices:

1. Pretend it is funny and suffer through
2. Go to HR
3. Fix it yourself.

ad.1 ) I don`t recommend that....sooner or later you will loose it...besides you are spending a lot of time in your job and this time should be as pleasant as possible...

ad 2 ) Taking thing to HR...it usually works....Problem is: It sometimes gets dirty...try to find out how your HR works in that kind of situation...there are probably stories about people going to HR with issues like that...

ad 3 ) Fix it yourself....I think it is the best way...although the hardest one...Finding a guy and telling him in a face to FCK OFF usually works wonders....people who are mocking, annoying, torturing other people are usually biggest cowards who are trying to compensate their own flaws...
It is very possible that this guy has crash on you..if you know what I mean...

I would advice making a smart counter attack on your board. Something that will mock that guy but in intelligent way...
EG. " I`m very sorry to dissapoint you my secret admirer! My sexual preferences do not match yours. Although I am flattered, I have to decline your offers and move on...I wish you all the best in your search for a perfect lover..."

Something along those lines...Idea is to make other people laugh at him instead of you...If people who were laughing with him when he was writing on your locker, will laugh at him now...he will stop....

Hope everything will be fine!!!
Good luck!!
 
#22
Seven years? Wow, you have far more patience than I do. I am impressed. If you have an HR department, I'd start there. If not, find your local human rights organization to help you get it escalated.

Gay or straight, no one deserves that kind of treatment day after day. The banter is fine when everyone plays along, but not what you're dealing with. Keep your cool as you have been.

-Mike
 
#23
Kamael83 said:
I would advice making a smart counter attack on your board. Something that will mock that guy but in intelligent way...
EG. " I`m very sorry to dissapoint you my secret admirer! My sexual preferences do not match yours. Although I am flattered, I have to decline your offers and move on...I wish you all the best in your search for a perfect lover..."

Something along those lines...Idea is to make other people laugh at him instead of you...If people who were laughing with him when he was writing on your locker, will laugh at him now...he will stop....
Click to expand...

OP, forget what I said before... DO THIS!
Being the intelligent smart ass that I am, this usually deterred my detractors.
 
#26
Kamael83 said:
1. Pretend it is funny and suffer through
Click to expand...

I generally go with this option. People get bored pretty quick, they always do.

Kamael83 said:
I would advice making a smart counter attack on your board. Something that will mock that guy but in intelligent way...
EG. " I`m very sorry to dissapoint you my secret admirer! My sexual preferences do not match yours. Although I am flattered, I have to decline your offers and move on...I wish you all the best in your search for a perfect lover..."
Click to expand...

Though this is a good option. I'd just go with something like "You wish" or "Keep you fingers crossed" with a ;)
 
#32
NML1986 said:
Well at work everyone gives and gets a bit of banter, but since I've started working permanent nights, I've been going in to find that someone had painted HOMO and GAY on my locker, then every night I've been finding other homophobic insults in my work bay.

I've tried to laugh it off, but it's really starting to get on my nerves.

I think it's got something to do with leaving my girlfriend last month, and my mate has been trying to set me up with other women for a bit of 'fun', and because I've not been interested for the fact I'm not ready to start out again, they seem to think I'm gay.

Am I over reacting, or is this bullying?

Also maybe I should remind my useless team leader that graffiting is a sackable offence.
Click to expand...

First off, go talk to your supervisor. It's his responsibility to make sure that everyone is doing their jobs, and if something like this has the potential to affect your performance, then he needs to know about it. It's also his responsibility to "get the ball rolling", so to speak, by talking to HR about the issue. It doesn't matter if you're gay, straight, woman, man, whatever, this is sexual harassment pure and simple, and you don't have to put up with it. He should mention to HR about installing surveillance cameras where the lockers are located.

You've been putting up with this for seven years? I'd say you're either a glutton for punishment, or you're not taking this seriously enough. People that do this kind of stuff are no friends of yours, and they should receive the appropriate punishment.
 
#33
NML1986 said:
Well at work everyone gives and gets a bit of banter, but since I've started working permanent nights, I've been going in to find that someone had painted HOMO and GAY on my locker, then every night I've been finding other homophobic insults in my work bay.

I've tried to laugh it off, but it's really starting to get on my nerves.

I think it's got something to do with leaving my girlfriend last month, and my mate has been trying to set me up with other women for a bit of 'fun', and because I've not been interested for the fact I'm not ready to start out again, they seem to think I'm gay.

Am I over reacting, or is this bullying?

Also maybe I should remind my useless team leader that graffiting is a sackable offence.
Click to expand...

If your company has a real human resources department, they should know about this. You have grounds to sue your employer for allowing it to become a hostile work environment.

Look at Brickhouse.com for covert security cameras. They have many and they run on batteries. Some record video and sound.
 
#39
knumbskull said:
sorry to hear about this - sounds nasty. hope you're doing alright these days.
Click to expand...

Yeah...made couple of changes....
I`m still working in the same place, but I changed area...so I no longer work with this guy...
Have lots of Irish friends and I`m more...self confident...it is my 5th year in Ireland...

Harassment like that happens every day everywhere...
Problem is, people who are being harassed think that it will pass...
Problem is...it usually does not...The more you let people step over you the more they will...
I learned about it the hard way...

I`m afraid there is no other way...There has to be a moment when every harassed person wakes up one day and says I HAVE ENOUGH!!
Problem is that the more harassed we are the less we think about ourselves....it creates a stupid circle and it is difficult to get out of it....

Ill give you another example....
Same guy from previous story found out that I used to be a ballroom dancer for 6 years...so he started questioning my sexual preferences in a rude way....
One beautiful evening we were at some staff party....he was with his girlfriend....I danced with her for most of the night (I am good dancer:P)...anyway somehow after that evening he never came back to that subject....

It is all in our heads....no one has right to make you feel like a worse being...if they are trying to...fight back...
What you have to realize is one thing:
People who are harassing other people, deep inside are: small, simple, shallow, dumb, stupid, terrified beings who are trying to compensate their own fears and complexes that way...

Everyone has his / hers secrets....secrets that we think : if people would find out they would be laughing...Guys are trying to be more...GUYS...we swear a lot where we are around our male friends, we talk about soccer, fights in a cage and all other stupid stuff....

You know what? I don`t give a damn about soccer, MMA fights and all other so called real man crap..
I like to watch Dirty Dancing from time to time, I like to read books and play on my bass guitar...Does that makes me in any way less of a human being then Mike Tyson?
No...probably it makes me more intelligent, and sensitive...If someone thinks that makes me gay ...well...IT is his problem not mine....I know who I am and I`m perfectly fine with it...others..others can kiss my B-ass :P
 

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