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Am I Wrong to Walk Away

#102
richntiff said:
On other TB threads, players are lambasted for backing out of a commitment. You have to play, even if you are on your deathbed, you committed to it!!! Here, the OP is being told by many to back out of the commitment to play the NYE gig. Make up your minds people!!!
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Agreed. You’re allowed to take a sick day if you’re operating a nuclear power plant. But for the $50 gig at Stinky Joe’s, there is no excuse, ever. For this one, I think it’s affecting too many people unless they have a sub waiting. Finish the NYE gig and then bail.
 
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#103
UPDATE: Thanks for all the feedback. TO clarify - I told BL I will play the show, I'm not going to abandon them. But BL told me he already got a sub. I wouldn't bail on a band/gig - There are a bunch of other things about this band that bothered me, all of which I could ignore. It's just the last gig where the drummer ate a bag of poopie on stage REALLY REALLY straw-that-broke-the-camels-back'ed me.

I am a team player and super easy to get along with - I practice, prepare, and know my parts - so when we had a gig where drums just absolutely sucked, I think that pushed me over the edge. - furthermore when my concerns to BL we met with , yeah that was bad, but don't worry he's practicing now (after 3 months of being in the band) Something about that just hit me the wrong way...

Anyways I told BL I would cover the show, but he has already replaced me with a sub (again I don't understand why they would swap me out, but not the drummer who doesn't know his poopie...) Other than this issue, I have made no ripples nor have I committed any 'fouls' so I'm really confused by this whole thing. BL said he doesn't want to burn any bridges and I told him that we are cool. But damn it kinda hurts and I can't wrap my head around keeping someone on-board after a MAJOR poopie show of a gig.

Thanks for reading and have a day!
 
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#105
Dark Star Wars said:
UPDATE: Thanks for all the feedback. TO clarify - I told BL I will play the show, I'm not going to abandon them. But BL told me he already got a sub. I wouldn't bail on a band/gig - There are a bunch of other things about this band that bothered me, all of which I could ignore. It's just the last gig where the drummer ate a bag of poopie on stage REALLY REALLY straw-that-broke-the-camels-back'ed me.

I am a team player and super easy to get along with - I practice, prepare, and know my parts - so when we had a gig where drums just absolutely sucked, I think that pushed me over the edge. - furthermore when my concerns to BL we met with , yeah that was bad, but don't worry he's practicing now (after 3 months of being in the band) Something about that just hit me the wrong way...

Anyways I told BL I would cover the show, but he has already replaced me with a sub (again I don't understand why they would swap me out, but not the drummer who doesn't know his poopie...) Other than this issue, I have made no ripples nor have I committed any 'fouls' so I'm really confused by this whole thing. BL said he doesn't want to burn any bridges and I told him that we are cool. But damn it kinda hurts and I can't wrap my head around keeping someone on-board after a MAJOR poopie show of a gig.

Thanks for reading and have a day!
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Sounds like it all worked out.

Meanwhile, here's what I try to do to keep stuff like this from moving in and rattling around in my head - and I never used to do it this way, with predictable results:

1. I try to not let people's behavior and problems push me one way or another; It's just not something I have any control of, or desire to control. Same goes for other people's motivations that they don't make readily apparent and that I don't see value in asking "why". Not my circus, not my monkeys. I've got enough of my own crap to tend to.

2. When someone like your BL says something as apparently delusional as "don't worry; He's been practicing now" after the guy's been doing the opposite for 3 months, rather than going with my first instinct, telling the BL something like, "that's the stupidest ****ing thing I've ever heard.", I try this instead: "You may be right."

Because A. I may be wrong - It's happened before - plenty, and B. It implies "You may be/probably are wrong."
 
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#107
Dark Star Wars said:
depending how much parking is ($22ish) it would have paid about 130 (before parking) - so great for this band, but seems low for NYE
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Be glad the BL got a sub for you. I won't go out on NYE for less than $250. Too many over-the-top drunks. Got assaulted after the show 23 years ago on Y2K NYE while tearing down. I put one out on the floor and the cops took away another. I wasn't charged; Cops saw the whole thing, but my back was tweaked.

Plus, despite ride-share, there are still a lot more drunks taking to the streets on NYE.
 
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#108
Dark Star Wars said:
UPDATE:

I am a team player and super easy to get along with - I practice, prepare, and know my parts - so when we had a gig where drums just absolutely sucked, I think that pushed me over the edge. - furthermore when my concerns to BL we met with , yeah that was bad, but don't worry he's practicing now (after 3 months of being in the band) Something about that just hit me the wrong way...
Click to expand...

It never ceases to amaze me that some people don't care if they trainwreck on stage. If you're not ready for a gig the responsible thing would be to bow out or practice your ass off.
 
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#112
Boy this is all so familiar. Why have folks in the band who bring nothing to the table. Band is only as good as your weakest link. We had a drummer for almost 2 years who just wouldn't spend the time properly learning songs. I bitched and moaned to the BL constantly. We did a show with a sub. A VERY good drummer who after 2 rehearsals aced everything and the show went great! Regular drummer, I think, finally realized that I was not going to be happy and resigned. Thank gawd!! We have a NYE show coming up with that sub we used. I'm looking forward to it. After that, we have a new drummer coming in who's pretty decent. His work ethic is way better than the original drummer. I'm exited to see what he brings to the table.

In your case, if the BL won't be more discerning, you may have to leave the band. I refuse to be constantly subjected to poor work ethic and playing. Some folks just have no business being on stage. Not the band I want to be in. I told my BL that this is your band and your brand. We have the possibility of being the best band in the area but without everyone buying in and giving 100%, it ain't gonna happen. What's your BL's plan?? Does he care how good the band is or does he just want to get on stage and act like a rock star??? If the band leader doesn't care, I'd be out. Not wasting my time!
 
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#113
^^^
You’re always at the mercy of the BL’s vision. I played in a side project that played out a few times per year. Always a very interesting R&B repertoire. But the problem with the BL was that he was a poor judge of what material the band handled well, and he didn’t have the music vocabulary to talk to the musicians about anything musical. Still, when we nailed it, it was truly special.

But it ALL sounded cool to him, even the stuff that careened all over the road. When a BL is a poor judge of his own band’s wheelhouse, you cannot be surprised by wildly inconsistent results.

Over the years, I respectfully made many unheeded suggestions regarding repertoire and stage mix that I think would have helped foster stability and consistency. I left when I reached the stage where the well-rendered songs weren’t enough to offset the out-of-control ones.

If a BL isn’t qualified enough to be an MD, you must get an MD. It’s THAT important.
 
#116
Aceman said:
The fundamental issue here (after reading page one only) is the importance of frequent gigging.

BL wants to play as often as possible and is willing to play crap.
You don't.
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Yep. Though gig often enough and the crap tends to work itself out.

Band I joined a year ago plays frequently, most weekend nights, and has been since 2012. I recently came upon some live clips of them from about 10 years ago; Rough, very rough - Some of the song selection seemed contrived, the show didn't seem like a cohesive act. Plus, there were notes that didn't fit.

Nowadays, they're strong with consistent, naturally flowing shows, and all the notes fit. Somewhere in that time of gigging frequently, things gelled, probably much faster than in a band that actually rehearses but doesn't gig that often.

Somewhere in that time, the bandleader picked up a good working knowledge of musical street theory; He may not be able to recite the circle of 5ths, or know that one's called a dorian-minor vs a natural-minor, but he knows to raise the 6th if he's playing a minor with an Am-Bm progression (I'm subtly teaching him to talk numbers rather than chords, though that's because it makes it easier for me when he calls on-stage audibles).

I'm guessing that all this is the reason they've attracted a better-fit drummer and a sax soloist who's among the top horn guys I've worked with. Me? I was a mostly-guitarist over the years who had to re-adapt to bass, though I'm catching up.
 

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