Am I wrong

[Tituscrow]

Has he expressed any similarly worded affections for your other daughter? Or any other family members? Does he have kids of his own? Is he married? Divorced?

I think there's a lot of contextual stuff you'd have to explore before jumping to any misguided conclusions.

However, as dad to a young girl myself, I'd want to send the boys round with balaclavas and baseball bats.

 

[Munjibunga]

I love my 18- and 23-year-old goddaughters. Nothing kinky going on here.

 

[EricF]

I love my 18- and 23-year-old goddaughters. Nothing kinky going on here.

I'm guessing that also includes a long-standing close relationship with the girls' parents, and being a part of their family's life from before the girls were born. This doesn't seem to the be the case with the OP's situation.

 

[Munjibunga]

I'm guessing that also includes a long-standing close relationship with the girls' parents, and being a part of their family's life from before the girls were born. This doesn't seem to the be the case with the OP's situation.

Lucky guess.

 

[Pilgrim]

I repeat.....

I think what Henry Kissinger would call "A frank und meaningful discussion" is called for with the cousin.

 

[jbrooks]

As the father of a 14-year-old daughter, I monitor her FB page regularly. If a comment like this was made by someone in her age group, I'd think very little of it. A comment from a 54-year-old man would get my attention in a hurry and red flags would be flying high. The fact that he has been blocked on FB and still is attempting to contact your daughter is something that would put me on high alert. I suggest having a conversation with your daughter and find out more about the relationship. Nothing is more important than protecting your child.

I agree. Your house, your rules. Trust your gut. He might need a not so friendly call from you.

 

[blastoff99]

As the father of a 14-year-old daughter, I monitor her FB page regularly. If a comment like this was made by someone in her age group, I'd think very little of it. A comment from a 54-year-old man would get my attention in a hurry and red flags would be flying high. The fact that he has been blocked on FB and still is attempting to contact your daughter is something that would put me on high alert. I suggest having a conversation with your daughter and find out more about the relationship. Nothing is more important than protecting your child.

That.

 

[Indiana Mike]

I wouldn't stir the pot.

I wouldn't even contact him at this point .

Your actions may spur him, if he's nuts, to take it to the next level .

I would have a talk with your daughter and explain that your concerned and need to know of any contact made from this point on. Make sure she knows she is not in trouble and won't be . How could she be anyway? This is not her fault and she must not be made to feel it may be in any way shape or form .

I've known some nuts in my life and challenging them in any way can bring on a nightmare.

This is assuming he's a nut.

 

[hrodbert696]

It's not so much the language that bothers me as it's him trying to get in contact with the girl any way he can. That seems a bit queer to me.

Yeah, that's a good point - if he were on the up-and-up he'd just call you and ask why you blocked him.

Without going out way too much history, this man is a world traveler, has a good bit of money, is a lead singer and guitarist in bands for 40+ years.. I understand that I did not post any of that, but there is a huge background of physical and mental abuse of his sisters by their parents and it is just way to far wrong

It sounded to me like you were leaving out a lot of the history based on your op. The good thing is he's far away from where you are. Go with your gut, it's a pretty reliable indicator. Just don't do anything too extreme without sufficient cause and information.

+1. I'm still not into snap judgments, but definitely best to be cautious.

 

[Skeeter1]

Update-Contacted said cousin and told him to not contact my children without my consent. He laughed and said he will not listen to foolish words from a foolish little man. Sorry. I think I am going to have to look into filing a restraining order to ensure a stop of all communication to protect my kids...
No he has not communicated with my other daughter or my son

Bingo, see your gut was right. Check the laws in your State do what you have to to protect your child, she needs you. As said before none of this is her fault, and it seems like you have very honest two way communication and that is awesome. Here is a trick I learned from a security friend of mine whose daughter was being harassed by a college aged guy (over 21)

Get two new cell phones with new numbers, cancel all other phones and forward the numbers to the new phones if you can, switch the phones frequently between you and your daughter if he contacts her by txt you can interact as your daughter to establish intent. Once you have explicit written communication you can go to police and swear a warrant for solicitation of a minor. You can monitor txt communications on iPhones where they can be set to receive the txt from other phones on your account but I don't think you can send from your phone as if it were hers)

Our you can do what my friend did and show up outside a bar he was exiting (three states away)buy him a drink and explain to him how much your little girl means to you and this world is a very dangerous place especially for azz holes that don't listen to fathers of scared little girls.

 

[jmattbassplaya]

Update-Contacted said cousin and told him to not contact my children without my consent. He laughed and said he will not listen to foolish words from a foolish little man. Sorry. I think I am going to have to look into filing a restraining order to ensure a stop of all communication to protect my kids...
No he has not communicated with my other daughter or my son

54 and pulling that nonsense?

As to the question you posed in your OP, I actually think you're 100% right.

 

[MakiSupaStar]

Yep. You're right. Handled it well, IMO

 

[Tituscrow]

Time to kick some ass.

 

[HEIST]

Update-Contacted said cousin and told him to not contact my children without my consent. He laughed and said he will not listen to foolish words from a foolish little man. Sorry. I think I am going to have to look into filing a restraining order to ensure a stop of all communication to protect my kids...
No he has not communicated with my other daughter or my son

He's a creep who shows you NO respect. I think you took the right actions. Good on you for spotting the original comment made by him.

 

[Sav'nBass]

I would be on guard but not jump to conclusions. Like you say, he's 1700 miles away and you're not close - it's possible that he meant something inappropriate by it, but it's also possible that's just the way he talks. But it could be a danger sign.

This.. I find that some people don't realize how what they say on sites like FB sound. I would keep my ears up though and I think you are justified to be concerned about it especially since you said that you weren't really close.. .

OK I see there is more..

Without going out way too much history, this man is a world traveler, has a good bit of money, is a lead singer and guitarist in bands for 40+ years.. I understand that I did not post any of that, but there is a huge background of physical and mental abuse of his sisters by their parents and it is just way to far wrong

Update-Contacted said cousin and told him to not contact my children without my consent. He laughed and said he will not listen to foolish words from a foolish little man. Sorry. I think I am going to have to look into filing a restraining order to ensure a stop of all communication to protect my kids...
No he has not communicated with my other daughter or my son

OK now this is up a few notches.. think you are handling this correct.. and I would make sure that your daughter knows that under no circumstances is she to have any contact with this man.. Ifg he had said something like "Oh sorry man.. I didn't mean anything by it.. " or something like that it would be one thing.. but this guy has crossed a line.

 

[cheezewiz]

I don't claim to be an expert, but I do have 27 years law enforcement experience, retired from that, and am now a mental health professional, who deals with both sex offenders and children. Your cousin is on page 1 of the "I am a raving pedophile" book. If it were my daughter, I would be using every method possible to ensure he never contacts her in any way, ever again.

 

[iriegnome]

Everyone's input has been very good. I am trying to be very careful and cautious to not jump to conclusions or to make any sort of assumptions. It is a very difficult line to walk, but the kids safety is my only real concern.

 

[EricF]

Everyone's input has been very good. I am trying to be very careful and cautious to not jump to conclusions or to make any sort of assumptions. It is a very difficult line to walk, but the kids safety is my only real concern.

You're doing it right. His response makes it very clear that he doesn't respect you or your position as a father.

 

[MarkMgibson]

Yeah, given what he said to you, he's creepy for sure. I often phone my young niece (we're quite close), but if she answers the phone herself, which she often does, I make sure she tells my sister that she's on the phone with me. It just seems both courteous and safe, so that my sister knows she's not talking to some stranger. Trying to cut the parents out of the "loop" (so to speak) sounds very suspicious to me (though I'm not a parent).

 

[mcnach]

My first impression was that the OP was over-reacting.
I certainly don't think that that phrase needs to mean anything sinister, especially from family/friends of family.

Of course, only the OP has the full background.

After I read the updates... the 54 year old cousin does come across as a nasty element. Pedophile? Not a clue. But certainly not a nice guy. Again I don't know the background, but if a cousin of mine confronts me about the way I addressed his daughter, I'd want to make sure that I did not mean anything weird there... and I might think he was over-reacting (as I know I'd never approach a youngster in an inappropriate manner) but I would not dismiss him like that.
So, no, I don't like the cousin, for reasons totally separate from the possible (but largely groundless) suspicion of inappropriatedness.

Now, blocking him from FB etc is all great and fine, but what I'd do is talk to my daughter about it, so that she knows why I'm concerned. Without getting carried away and emotional, and talking about stuff that we do not know... what we do know is the guy is an ass.
Teenagers being teenagers, they want to assert themselves, and that causes often conflicts, arguments etc. Treating them with respect helps. You want your daughter to see you as an ally, not a dictator whose rules she does not understand. You want her to trust you. I think that's the best defense. Then you won't need to worry much about whether he tries to contact her or not, because she'd be paying no attention to him, and would tell you if he annoys her.

I hope I didn't come across too much like preaching. I don't want to tell anyone how to raise their kids! That's just my opinion and how I'd approach this. NOthing more.