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Another 'Firing a Band Member' Thread!

Col Pruse

Col Pruse

Supporting Member
May 28, 2003
624
1,139
49
Redding, CT
#1
Yo! Just wanted to post here to see if I could round up some of the collective Talkbass wisdom.

So I'm in a 4 piece original 'jam' band. One member is simply not clicking anymore. Creative ideas are vastly differing from everyone else. Improv is stale, recycles the same things in almost every jam. New songs and cover suggestions are veering off in another direction. You know, the usual band stuff...

I've voiced my frustrations to the other members and they are on board, but also had separate issues that I wasn't aware of. Discussing during band meetings and specific jam practice for new ideas doesn't stick.

So I think we've decided on what we're going to do, just wimps about it. I think the affected member feels he's more of a leader of the band and will definitely be blindsided. None of us are really great friends with this member, but we've been a band for 5 years now and I don't want to be a jerk. Or at least not a big jerk.

Any advice on how to approach this?
 
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#3
two fingers said:
One guy telling him to his face is the most respectful and responsible thing to do. You don't want to call a meeting and gang up on the guy all at once. Text/email is lame and cowardly.
Click to expand...

Nice, yeah we definitely won't do text/email. I think the guy likes me the least because I'm the most vocal opponent of his ideas...Guess it won't be from me!
 
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#4
Related question for background - how easy will the role be to replace?
Have you decided you'll never play with him again? (because that's the likely outcome...)

TwoFingers' reply is the best way, of course.
It's also rarely used, because Human Nature...
What usually happens (IME) is the three other members quit one at a time.
And then reform a month later with a new fourth.

Or you just get an email out of the blue saying "We're going another direction."
Had that happen, out of the blue, and of course there was jerkweasel activity behind the scenes and the end result was I was glad to be out of there and no, I won't play with them again.

Maybe an oblique suggestion like "Are you sure this is the right project for you?" could foreshadow.
 
#6
ArtechnikA said:
Related question for background - how easy will the role be to replace?
Have you decided you'll never play with him again? (because that's the likely outcome...)

TwoFingers' reply is the best way, of course.
It's also rarely used, because Human Nature...
What usually happens (IME) is the three other members quit one at a time.
And then reform a month later with a new fourth.

Or you just get an email out of the blue saying "We're going another direction."
Had that happen, out of the blue, and of course there was jerkweasel activity behind the scenes and the end result was I was glad to be out of there and no, I won't play with them again.

Maybe an oblique suggestion like "Are you sure this is the right project for you?" could foreshadow.
Click to expand...

Easily replaceable and/or fine without.
I'm totally fine with never playing with him again. He and I don't really see eye to eye on most things.

I've tried the random questions/statements/subtle suggestions, but like I said, I think he feels this is 'his' band.
 
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#11
two fingers said:
One guy telling him to his face is the most respectful and responsible thing to do. You don't want to call a meeting and gang up on the guy all at once. Text/email is lame and cowardly.
Click to expand...
I somewhat disagree. We had a similar situation in my band. A member was not pulling his weight, we tried all kinds of things to help him out but nothing was working and he was playing very poorly at our shows. This went on for 2 years. When the decision was made, we agreed to talk to him and tell him we were moving on at our next scheduled rehearsal. Then he couldn't make that rehearsal, which pushed it all back a week, and he scheduled a gig, which made us all feel even worse. We did not want to drag it out another week. One of our members volunteered to go to his house and talk with him.

When that day came, the member who was not up to par talked the person who went to talk with him into giving him another chance. This was after he had been given many chances over two years. The person sent to talk to him conference called me and the other member who had voted him off the island to tell us this, and I told them I was no longer willing to be on a stage with this guy who never practiced, and so that was it for me.

So the member who had talked with him had to call him on the phone at that point and fire him again. Awkward. And the fired guy mainly blames the third guy; he texted him a nastygram after the fact, but I never got one. It's a mess of resentment which could have been averted to some degree if we had all presented a unified front. There's no need to be unkind, but you do need to stick to your guns.

What I realized it looked like was that me and the other guy were too cowardly to confront him. All because we didn't want to wait another week.

So I would say do it in a group setting. No need to "gang up" on someone. You can have a simple discussion without making it seem overly confrontational. But stick to your guns and be there to support each other in the decision you have made.
 
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#12
Terminations should be businesslike — definite, respectful, clean and quick. There is no discussion, just a conveyance of the decision.

That said, this works only if there are also clear warnings and consequences communicated well before the separation decision. No fired member should be surprised, and they should easily see that the decision not to meet the required standards was theirs.

Unfortunately, lots of bands treat membership as emotional rather than practical. That can work, but it also makes every decision emotional, and things — discussions, song selection, gig choices, and personnel changes — often devolve into bickering.

Good luck. Peace.
 
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#13
Good info everyone!

Yeah so there really isn't an offical 'band leader' per se. We all write songs and all do our fair share of legwork for the band. It seems that just being together for so long is bringing certain deficiencies to light and three of us are drifting creatively from the other.

We did 'fire' a drummer a few years ago and did it all together. We basically told him we wanted him to play differently and he said, 'guess I'm not your drummer.' Sounds easy but he was super bummed...
 
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#14
Col Pruse said:
Good info everyone!

Yeah so there really isn't an offical 'band leader' per se. We all write songs and all do our fair share of legwork for the band. It seems that just being together for so long is bringing certain deficiencies to light and three of us are drifting creatively from the other.

We did 'fire' a drummer a few years ago and did it all together. We basically told him we wanted him to play differently and he said, 'guess I'm not your drummer.' Sounds easy but he was super bummed...
Click to expand...
I'll tell you what... this is never easy, and the longer you've been together, the harder it gets. We make jokes about firing people here all the time but making the decision to let our band member go was very hard, very painful, not just for him, but for all of us.

I was an an impasse where I felt like I had no other choice but to either accept that the band would never produce anything I could be proud of that was good enough to use as promotion, or look for another opportunity. But that was not a place where I felt happy about anything. It was absolutely miserable to have to come to the conclusion that it led to, and it took weeks for it to not just feel raw and painful. However, the band as a whole is healthier for it, and it's not a decision I regret. I just wish we could have fixed it, but we couldn't.
 
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#18
Col Pruse said:
OK Boomer? ;)

I'm actually the one who doesn't!
Click to expand...
How young do you have to be to be able to say that? I'm in my my early twenties; so seeing your membership active since '03 makes me assume you're a "boomer", whatever that means.

I've come to consider myself a "boomer" since every time I read this it's normally in response to something I've either found informative, useful, and/or entertaining.
 
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#19
Stevorebob said:
Terminations should be businesslike —definite, respectful, clean and quick. There is no discussion, just a conveyance of the decision.

That said, this works only if there also clear warnings and consequences communicated well before the separation decision. No fired member should be surprised, and they should easily see that the decision not to meet the required standards was theirs.

Unfortunately, lots of bands treat membership as emotional rather than practical. That can work, but it also makes every decision emotional, and things — discussions, song selection, gig choices, and personnel changes—often devolve into bickering.

Good luck. Peace.
Click to expand...

Sometimes an up vote is not enough. This is beautifully put and spot on.
 
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#20
Quinn Roberts said:
How young do you have to be to be able to say that? I'm in my my early twenties; so seeing your membership active since '03 makes me assume you're a "boomer", whatever that means.

I've come to consider myself a "boomer" since every time I read this it's normally in response to something I've either found informative, useful, and/or entertaining.
Click to expand...

Boomer is someone from the Baby Boomer generation. I think born mid 1940s to mid 1960s? I'm Gen X, my parents are boomers...
 
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