Well, after more confusion, delays, miscommunication and general failure to inspire confidence, they finally managed to deliver today at 3PM, having given me an ETA of noon earlier on. It had taken them 90 hours to get a box 40 miles. A strong man could have done that on foot in a fraction of the time. The driver then told me that I couldn't open the package to check the condition of the contents before signing as he was "not allowed to". He nearly became the first person in the district with a rectally fitted bass, but I just couldn't be bothered to argue. The wretched dregs of humanity who UPS pays to lower public opinion of the company had thoroughly demoralised me by then.
Oh well, the bass cheered me up as it's great. So, a hearty "Happy Holidays" from me to all the drab unicellular pondlife who allegedly work for UPS (if you can call it that) and performed in such singular fashion on this occasion. Hope Santa brings you a little wit and talent for Christmas, you obviously could use it.