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Answering the call from your ex...

gustobassman

gustobassman

I'm only here for the after party..
Supporting Member
Mar 31, 2011
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Sandy Eggo
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#1
Welp.... my ex called and I went ahead and answered the phone. This will be the second time I've gone back to a band after a period of 5 years or more. We split on a "friendly" note before - it was a beef over a drummer replacement - the singer picked the Russian Dragon over Steady Eddie. I didn't approve (timing is important for a drummer, no??), so I went my own way.

I must say I was a little nervous going back in for this first jam but it went great. Even with a new drummer (the Russian Dragon got the boot shortly after he was hired), things flowed pretty well. Passing time and having kids apparently mellow people out, lol. The other ex-band I went back to turned into a raging poop show after a few months. It was like I never left!
:rollno: :banghead:

Let's see how long this one lasts.....

Anyone else get back with your ex? Good or bad experience for you?
 
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#4
I just went back to a former band after having to leave my very successful cover band (got a promotion, wife choose it over band). The band I was in prior to the cover band basically flaked out at the same time as I was starting with them, so the timing was right. So, I went back to them and it was a rocky relationship. It was really the guitarist; he was getting divorced before (after a grueling 9 month marriage) and this time it was because he just got remarried. We decided to fire him (he's the singer's brother, but he was cool with it) and bring in a guy I've known for over 20 years and played in two bands with. Things started out really badly, for the very first practice he showed up drunk and could barely hold his guitar. He'd just gotten home from vacation the night before, met someone (his marriage just went south after he found his wife cheating on him), forgot about practice (not knowing what day it was) and spent the day partying with his new friend. After that he showed up sober and tore it up. Everybody is very happy now. You can't make this stuff up (and that was the abbreviated version).
 
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#5
Spent said:
I just went back to a former band after having to leave my very successful cover band (got a promotion, wife choose it over band). The band I was in prior to the cover band basically flaked out at the same time as I was starting with them, so the timing was right. So, I went back to them and it was a rocky relationship. It was really the guitarist; he was getting divorced before (after a grueling 9 month marriage) and this time it was because he just got remarried. We decided to fire him (he's the singer's brother, but he was cool with it) and bring in a guy I've known for over 20 years and played in two bands with. Things started out really badly, for the very first practice he showed up drunk and could barely hold his guitar. He'd just gotten home from vacation the night before, met someone (his marriage just went south after he found his wife cheating on him), forgot about practice (not knowing what day it was) and spent the day partying with his new friend. After that he showed up sober and tore it up. Everybody is very happy now. You can't make this stuff up (and that was the abbreviated version).
Click to expand...

Wow..

Ironically.. this band I just rejoined has a set of brothers (one is singer/BL, the other is guitar) and there is a divorce issue going on with one of them this time around. It was the other one the last time, lol. The brothers used to fight and quit/rejoin on each other last time I was in this band. They've had a ton more personal drama over the years that actually makes the band fun for them now. They don't treat it like a job anymore. It's a nice change.
 
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#6
gustobassman said:
Wow..

Ironically.. this band I just rejoined has a set of brothers (one is singer/BL, the other is guitar) and there is a divorce issue going on with one of them this time around. It was the other one the last time, lol. The brothers used to fight and quit/rejoin on each other last time I was in this band. They've had a ton more personal drama over the years that actually makes the band fun for them now. They don't treat it like a job anymore. It's a nice change.
Click to expand...
I left out so much, just started typing, then realized I could go on for pages. Most musicians I've met are a little off. I put semi pro musician on my resumé. If I can play with them, I can get along with anyone. That actually helped me nail my new job, one of the guys on the interview committee has a brother who plays professionally. He knew exactly why I put it there. The job is a middle school administrator, I've got the skill set.
 
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#8
well, I can't say never say never, but in general, bands are like relationships - you broke up with them (or them with you) for a reason. If that reason hasn't changed, then its nothing but foolish, naïve nostalgia to go back. The reasons tend to pop up again. but what does it hurt to talk again? Or jam and see? not much. but I'd be wary
 
#9
I've had an on again off again relationship with a great band. I left once because I got offered a full scholarship for college out of the area, but then came back to them after graduation. Then I left town again because I needed money and took some cruise ship contracts. Since then I get to sub a few gigs a year with them. Now I feel like the crazy ex who wants to be fully committed again, but they just want to "have fun" and "enjoy my company" and not get "too serious." If I play my cards right and be cool, this current "friends with benefits" thing could go back to us being totally in love with each other again, like the first time around.
 
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#10
I sub for the band I used to play trumpet for when they need a bassist. It is awesome! I left on good terms but the group at the time was a bit of a mess due to another member who since left. He is a great human being but not a good collaborator (in his own words) and a mediocre musician (in mine). Also he was dating/is now married to the singer, who also left the group. Also he's my brother in law. So yeah... been super chill subbing for those guys, but not sure if that counts. If I wanted to play trumpet again (I don't) they'd have me back but for now, bass sub it is. Playing with them in mid October!
 
#12
That's great. I hope it continues for you. Sometimes the history, however mixed brings you closer.

My college band got together a couple of years ago for our 20th college reunion (wow do I feel old saying that!).

It was the first time we had played together in over 20 years and some of the guys I hadn't spoken to let alone seen in a decade or more.

We holed up in a studio all day the day before the show and I can say that we sounded better than we ever did.

And as importantly we all got along great because we were just so happy to be playing with each other again.

It would not have been possible without the passage of time, maturity and wisdom.

My only regret is that it was a one off. But with me in NY, and two guys each in Chicago and LA it's just not possible. But the upshot is that I am back in touch with all the guys and that has truly been a gift.
 
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#17
I quit a band in the mid-70's while we were on the road in New Mexico. I felt like everyone wasn't pulling their own weight, so I bailed and drove to Sacramento and hung out with some other musicians that I knew. About 5 months later, the BL calls me and wants me to come back because the replacement was an extreme personality. OK, I'll meet you in Tillamook for the fair gig. Went on to play together until 2012, when he passed away. Lots of good times in between, so it can be a good thing getting back together.
 

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