Asking her father

[MAJOR METAL]

Does anyone else find the practice of asking the father of your girlfriend permission to propose to his daughter as disrespectful to the girl you are interested in? It strikes me as reducing the girl to the status of being a personal possession of the father.

 

[DeathFromBelow]

Yep. This is 2014, not 1850. And don't start with the whole "respect" thing, if anything a father should respect his own daughter enough to let her make her own decisions. You don't "own" your daughters. Seriously.

 

[DblG]

I dated my wife for 3 years before I asked her to marry me. When we told her parents, her father, who I liked very much and I believe liked me, said to us "I don't remember anyone asking me about marrying my daughter". He wasn't angry but maybe a little disappointed. He WAS happy, but the traditional thing would have meant a lot to him. It's one of my regrets that I didn't ask for his blessing (which I'm certain would have been given). I think nowadays it's more about the parents "blessing" rather than permission. And it shows respect.

 

[elgecko]

I guess it depends on how "old school" her father is.

 

[Bloodhammer]

I don't even bother asking her. Chloroform isn't hard to get and Stockholm syndrome really doesn't take that long to kick in.

It's getting the other wives to agree to letting a new one into the fold that takes a formal display of respect.

 

[Indiana Mike]

I think it's more the dad doesn't want his daughter to end up living like poopie with a bonehead .

Not to long ago it was common practice for a woman to recieve nothing in a will .

It all went to the men .

The woman would still benefit from the man she married as he would inherit his families wealth and property.

It may somehow be related to this era. To insure she will be taken care of and be provided for .

 

[edpal]

As a father of girls in that age range.... I think it would be cool if the young man told me about his plan to ask my daughter before he did it. More of a "hey, I am planning on asking your daughter if she'll marry me. You cool with that or do we need to talk?" "Especially if the next conversation is supposed to be how much help I can give toward their wedding. $$$

 

[DeathFromBelow]

I think it's more the dad doesn't want his daughter to end up living like **** with a bonehead .

So a grown woman shouldn't be allowed to make her own decisions?

 

[edpal]

If she's young enough to marry she isn't grown.

 

[DblG]

So a grown woman shouldn't be allowed to make her own decisions?

She can decide to say no. Asking the father or parents is asking for a blessing. If they say yes it does not mean their daughter HAS to say yes.

 

[Darth Handsome]

I remember a thread about this a ways back.

 

[DeathFromBelow]

She can decide to say no. Asking the father or parents is asking for a blessing. If they say yes it does not mean their daughter HAS to say yes.

That's not the point. What if the father says no, but the daughter want's to get married? Dad's word is still law?

 

[Darth Handsome]

http://www.talkbass.com/threads/asking-the-father.915576/

Here it is.

 

[Indiana Mike]

So a grown woman shouldn't be allowed to make her own decisions?

Sure whatever they want to do

You misunderstood my post

I never said that's how it is

That's how it was

Present vs past tense

 

[deeptubes]

I didn't ask her family. Her father was estranged. I wouldn't have asked him anyway. Hell, technically I never asked HER. Shew came home from work. I already had the ring sized, and had the video camera setup in the corner to record the whole thing. She got home form work, sped through the apt, "I'm tired, I'm going to lay down." I wait a minute or two, sitting in the quiet. Anxiety's kicking in really bad. I walk into the bedroom and lay down, spooning her. "Sorry you had a rough day babe." She then proceeded to tell me what was so rough about her day, but I didn't hear one word of it. "Well, I've got something that will make you feel better." "I told you I'm tired." I chuckle, "No, not that." and pull out the ring in the box and open it. She looks at it for a couple of seconds. "Wh.. What's that?" "What do you think it is?" We laid in bed, hugged and cried for 5 minutes. Then we got up and made the phone calls.

I never asked her. I suppose I just claimed and took her.

 

[DblG]

That's not the point. What if the father says no, but the daughter want's to get married? Dad's word is stille law?

ahhh. I'm looking at it from my personal point of view where I got along well with my wife's parents while we were dating. And I to this day enjoy good relations.
If someone asked their gf's parents and did not get their blessing (or permission I guess), the guy could still ask, and the girl could still say yes, but it would definitely be uncomfortable going the inlaws for holidays.
In this day and age, you don't really need permission from the father. It just is a show of respect in hopes of having harmonious relations with your future parent in laws.

 

[edpal]

Screwing with the boyfriends is the last really good game to be played with your daughters.

 

[edpal]

In this day and age, you don't really need permission from the father. It just is a show of respect in hopes of having harmonious relations with your future parent in laws.

BAsically.

 

[cleary]

I took a slightly different approach -
I sat down with her Mum and Dad, both of whom I love and respect very much, and asked for their blessing.
Minor difference in wording, major difference in meaning, happiness all round

 

[DeathFromBelow]

Guess it's a cultural difference. Over here, asking the parents permission/blessing/whatever is unheard of, it just doesn't happen. So naturally, from my perspective the whole thing just seems strange.