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Band members with egos, tempers.

DRBassist

DRBassist

Aug 30, 2007
25
65
New Jersey
#1
This is in regards to musicians in cover bands. One of the things that really upsets me is when a band member with a temper and/or ego (typically lead singer or lead guitarist), scolds another band member for making a minor mistake or hitting the wrong note ON STAGE in front of everyone. Of course, to keep the peace the person getting yelled at has to take it and carry on with the song as to not escalate the situation re-direct the performance to a professional level.

When you're playing a 4-hour gig with 45 or so songs, you're bound to make a mistake. I'm not talking about destroying a song. I'm talking about a bad note! It's not life or death. You're playing at a bar FFS.

What’s your opinion about handling a situation like this? I know leaving the band is an option, but what if this is the only problem and everything else is great? On the flip side, not addressing the situation is the same as giving this person permission to disrespect you.

Thoughts?
 
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#6
If this person is the band leader, your decision is an easy one: stay and put up with it, or leave. If this person is not the band leader, your decision is even easier: stay, leave, or fire them (cuz I’m pretty sure it bothers the rest of the band too, and everybody is replaceable).

I’m pretty easy going and I’ll tolerate a lot for the sake of the band, but being berated onstage is an absolute no-no.

It’s also been my experience that people who engage in that behavior are not likely to change. They’re toxic, and not worth your trouble.
 
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#7
It happened to me. I was asked to start doing background vocals, which I had never done before, so I wasn't exactly perfect. Towards the end of a song, the guitarist starts yelling, shut up, shut up just shut up! Right there on stage in front of the audience. I told the guy I would play the next two gigs coming up but that after that I was gone. Shame too because the drummer and I got lots of compliments of how tight we were.
 
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#8
I play in a cover band where I am not the leader, but am most experienced member, "senior college" if you will, and treated like one.
I have said this hundred times to everyone: there are mistakes that come from trying out something new or loosing focus, and they are completely fine IN ANY SIZE of venue or gig. My tolerance for that kind of mistakes is high, and I applaud anyone trying something out and being creative. Also playing a long gig, you are bound to miss a change here or there.
OTOH, there are mistakes that come from lack of preparation in knowing material or having your equipment not ready for gig (usually repeatedly), or mistakes for simply not caring about the gig. My tolerance is minimal, and members have lost their place in the band more than once because of this.
In the end, this all needs to be put in context: for local bar gig it's ok to be laid back, but for 8.000 festival headliner you need to bring your A game.
And just to sum up, no matter where your story fits in this, OP, it's not ok to discuss this on the stage at the time of the gig, let alone yell at anyone.
 
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#11
If they have enough redeeming qualities to get their act out on the big tour circuits that pay well, I suppose it could be a judgement call. (I do know someone who does large tours and has been subject to this kind of abuse occasionally.)
For a hometown passion project, I guess one could say that part of my passion is not getting dumped on in public. Personal pride notwithstanding, I like being part of a good show, and meltdowns are usually much more destructive than some minor gaffe the audience wouldn't have even noticed.
I've found that my options for other projects are usually better than their options for other bass players. So it doesn't come up very often.
 
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#12
DRBassist said:
This is in regards to musicians in cover bands. One of the things that really upsets me is when a band member with a temper and/or ego (typically lead singer or lead guitarist), scolds another band member for making a minor mistake or hitting the wrong note ON STAGE in front of everyone. Of course, to keep the peace the person getting yelled at has to take it and carry on with the song as to not escalate the situation re-direct the performance to a professional level.

When you're playing a 4-hour gig with 45 or so songs, you're bound to make a mistake. I'm not talking about destroying a song. I'm talking about a bad note! It's not life or death. You're playing at a bar FFS.

What’s your opinion about handling a situation like this? I know leaving the band is an option, but what if this is the only problem and everything else is great? On the flip side, not addressing the situation is the same as giving this person permission to disrespect you.

Thoughts?
Click to expand...
The best cure for this is recording and or video. Presenting them with their own foibles will give you the ammunition to say, “listen to this? Now do you want me to chew you a new one in front of everybody when YOU screw up? Because that is exactly what is going to happen if you ever do this again on a gig.“

Now keep in mind a couple of things. You should be able to take criticism with an open mind, on the other hand you aren’t there to be abused. The time and place for critique is not on the job in front of an open mike. That is totally unacceptable.

Nobody bats 1.000. Of course you want to do the best you can to keep errors to a minimum. That said there is a difference between a mistake and a problem. The audience, as long as you are starting together the flow is consistent, and then ending together, what happens between the “double bars” is largely forgiven. My advice is to record and present it to the BL next practice. It would be better if the entire band was on your side.
 
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#14
That’s not very grownup behavior.

I wouldn’t quit right away but I wouldn’t tolerate it, either.

I would wait until the gig was over and we were packing up. I would take the offending party aside and explain that if they want to point out any mistakes to me, this is the correct way to do it; after the show and in private. I would further explain that if he or she still felt the need to correct me onstage, they should get comfortable with the idea that turnabout is fair play and that I won’t hesitate to do the same to them.
To be honest, I wouldn’t actually do that. I would tell them I would, though. In truth, if they did it again I would just finish my commitments with them and then leave the band. Life’s too short for that kind of crap. It wasn’t even okay when James Brown did it …and he was James Brown!
 
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#15
Yep, the guy is a dick... depends to what degree you call him out on it...but it needs calling out.

Personally, my 'respect' would disappear pretty dam quick so I'd quickly come to the conclusion that I don't need the gig that bad.
If he was a complete a-h***, I might even pack up and leave on the gig.
If he took the booking, thats on him to explain, especially if everyone saw it.

But, tbf, everyone would know about him anyway if he had a reputation.

If I want to know about someone...it doesn't take too many hops to find someone who knows stuff, so I ask around beforehand.
 
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