Band members with egos, tempers.

[J Wilson]

Call me out like a red-headed step-child over the mic?

The first one's on me.

The second one?

We're gonna talk. Outside. And you're not going to like it.

But I promise you you'll NEVER pull that on me again.

 

[Bonecat]

Bottom Line: From the moment you arrive at rehearsal or a gig, you are on stage. Everything anyone does reflects on the whole band. Customers notice, staff notice, owners and managers notice. You must be unfailingly pleasant and professional.

Mistakes, big and little are always part of the game. The person in question here is projecting their insecurities and bullying their bandmates. Unacceptable. There are lots of talented players and everyone is replaceable….

 

[sonic boogaloo]

if someone did that to me on stage, i'd knock his block off.

it's hard to imagine something like that happening without prior history tho.

 

[mambo4]

I know leaving the band is an option, but what if this is the only problem and everything else is great?

Explain tactfully to them how unprofessional it is
Explain tactfully how poorly it reflects on the whole band.
Tactfully Ask them not to do it again.
Explain tactfully the consequence is that you leave.

 

[Smallmouth_Bass]

If my band got all upset over every mistake, we'd be brawling before the first set was finished. We're playing 40-50 songs a night and there can be a lot of distractions.

We usually just exchange a glance and a smile or laugh. I think the audience appreciates a good band dynamic, and that includes having fun and interplay. Like many have said, the time for commentary and criticism is during the break or after the gig with the mics turned off and the public is out of earshot.

 

[groovaholic]

A couple basic principles apply here:
"Praise in public, reprimand in private"
"Silence emboldens a bully"

The first should be shared with the dude yelling on stage.
The second is for you.

If this behavior isn't addressed, it's going to continue, and probably worsen.

At your next rehearsal, in front of the whole band - you could say:
"I want to play these songs as well as I can, and keep getting better - so I appreciate constructive criticism.
But correcting me in front of a crowd isn't constructive. If it happens again, it'll be my last gig with this band"

Two things could happen from that statement:
1) The rest of the band will back you up, which sends the bully a message loud & clear.
2) The band backs up the bully, which means you should start packing your gear right there & then.

Either way, the dynamics of the situation have changed.

 

[J Wilson]

Call me out like a red-headed step-child over the mic?

The first one's on me.

The second one?

We're gonna talk. Outside. And you're not going to like it.

But I promise you you'll NEVER pull that on me again.

footnote 1)

Ever notice the less and less talented and more insecure the problem child is, the more often and venal this becomes? I don't EVER remember being walked on like that from a real, talented musician/singer. Almost always with a Can't-Hardly-Playboy . . . .

 

[MikeBass]

Ha!
Run your mouth to me on stage in front of the crowd and you’re probably not going to be able to run your mouth to me much after the set.
I’ll pack up and walk out mid gig because if you’re that pathetic of a person to do that, you don’t deserve any professionalism from me.

 

[Precibass]

Everything the crowd would pardon, so should your band member, even more so, to work in a good, healthy band group. You should talk to him. Say you are sorry, but stand for yourself and tell him you will not accept this behavior next time. Simple as that, to make things great between you again. Good luck.

 

[turf3]

Fire the drummer and rage quit - That is the only way

Well, OP's the bass player, so it's time to punch the trombone player in the mouth! Hey, it worked for Mingus!

 

[rmayer]

Ego I can put up with. We all have egos.

Temper? Fuggedaboutit. Lead guitarist yelled at me during one practice for making an arrangement suggestion and I quit that band after the one show that was booked.

You’re a very patient person. I would have packed up my gear and walked out during that practice session.

 

[Ellery]

Extremely immature and unprofessional. If this person does not have a grasp on the concept as to why you don’t argue or disparage on stage I sure as hell would not work with them.

 

[fretno]

There are no wrong notes.

 

[jerry]

If he/she is just a band member you can probably suggest to them to cool it, if you work for an artist who pays you, they are going to run the band as they see fit. Musicians are complicated people, A lot of good artists are bi-polar so there's that. But I've found a lot of cats were just picked on as kids and just paying it back as adults. If for any reason a band mate thinks or knows they are the draw, they sometimes abuse that power.

 

[rickdog]

What’s your opinion about handling a situation like this?

Rehearsal is when you discuss things that didn't go right on the last gig - in a constructive way that improves the band, not a destructive way that builds one person up by tearing down another. Never on stage during a performance.

Bring it up at your next rehearsal and choose your next action based on how the discussion ends up.

 

[Micha84]

Explain tactfully to them how unprofessional it is
Explain tactfully how poorly it reflects on the whole band.
Tactfully Ask them not to do it again.
Explain tactfully the consequence is that you leave.

And it really is that simple. No need to cause more drama by throwing a "No one is doing that to ME!" act, which in my experience has never really resolved anything. Just plain old "You do this and that is what will happen next". If it works on a three year old, it is worth trying it out on that special bandmate.

I count myself lucky in that I have never been in a band where anybody scolded or yelled at anybody else on stage, but I have been in the audience and witnessed bands who did. VERY awkward moments every time and I have never been able to enjoy the rest of the show as if nothing had happened.

 

[turf3]

And it really is that simple. No need to cause more drama by throwing a "No one is doing that to ME!" act, which in my experience has never really resolved anything. Just plain old "You do this and that is what will happen next". If it works on a three year old, it is worth trying it out on that special bandmate.

I count myself lucky in that I have never been in a band where anybody scolded or yelled at anybody else on stage, but I have been in the audience and witnessed bands who did. VERY awkward moments every time and I have never been able to enjoy the rest of the show as if nothing had happened.

Yeah, yeah, yada yada yada all that adult stuff. I still vote for punching the bone player in the mouth.

 

[Pings Bass]

The originals band I moved cross-country with back in the olden days broke up because of this kind of behavior. It's one thing to have an ego, but it's another thing entirely to be unprofessional on stage. I can take valid criticism, but if somebody's acting a fool on stage I'm out.

If you really like the band, you might have a come-to-jesus talk with them and say you won't share a stage with people who can't maintain professional standards during performances.

 

[Pep]

This is in regards to musicians in cover bands. One of the things that really upsets me is when a band member with a temper and/or ego (typically lead singer or lead guitarist), scolds another band member for making a minor mistake or hitting the wrong note ON STAGE in front of everyone. Of course, to keep the peace the person getting yelled at has to take it and carry on with the song as to not escalate the situation re-direct the performance to a professional level.

When you're playing a 4-hour gig with 45 or so songs, you're bound to make a mistake. I'm not talking about destroying a song. I'm talking about a bad note! It's not life or death. You're playing at a bar FFS.

What’s your opinion about handling a situation like this? I know leaving the band is an option, but what if this is the only problem and everything else is great? On the flip side, not addressing the situation is the same as giving this person permission to disrespect you.

Thoughts?

If you’re still with the group and guitar player isn’t the band leader, you need to speak with the BL about it. Here what I would say. “If he yells at me again, when the tune is over he apologizes to me and the audience live in the mic.
If he doesn’t I’ll pack up my stuff up on the spot and leave. There’s no place for that stuff anywhere and it’s totally unprofessional.”

 

[gln1955]

I really don't need anyone pointing out my mistakes. I know when I drop a clam and probably make more mistakes than anyone else in the band recognizes.

Criticizing another band member onstage is pretty high on the list of bush league stunts a band can perform. Much, much worse than a mistake the audience won't notice or care about.

You need to make it clear to the offending asshat, and the BL if there is one, that that behavior will not be tolerated and you are gone if it continues. Odds are pretty good the asshat will then gaslight you in front of the band, so be prepared for that as well.