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Band members with egos, tempers.
- Thread starter DRBassist
- Start date
I agree with what's been said here, but have to share an exception. For seven years I've been gigging fairly frequently with the BL of an all-original blues/rock/funk power trio. For decades now he's worked with a large number of local musicians, some (not me) being top subs in the state.
He will occasionally call someone out onstage. It usually isn't mean-spirited, usually isn't into the mic*. I learned early on that he doesn't realize how stern he can appear, mainly due to facial expression -- some people are just unfiltered that way. Example: I apologized after apparently getting scolded by him, but he said "dude, I wasn't calling you out, I was just giving direction". Since then I've just shrugged it off when it happens, even when he's calling attention to a goof I made. Same is true for others who perform regularly with him, because they know his quirks and also know he's otherwise a good guy to work with. He never holds a grudge for an honest mistake, he's just passionate about his music and lacks some self-awareness.
All that said: he has burned bridges with musicians who have little or no patience with that behavior. I totally get that. At the very least the BL should learn to smile when "providing direction", even if it's over gritted teeth.
*The exceptions have been with subs who had plenty of time to prepare for his originals (many of which are tricky), but obviously didn't. I completely empathize with the BL's anger, but of course he should withhold that in public.
He will occasionally call someone out onstage. It usually isn't mean-spirited, usually isn't into the mic*. I learned early on that he doesn't realize how stern he can appear, mainly due to facial expression -- some people are just unfiltered that way. Example: I apologized after apparently getting scolded by him, but he said "dude, I wasn't calling you out, I was just giving direction". Since then I've just shrugged it off when it happens, even when he's calling attention to a goof I made. Same is true for others who perform regularly with him, because they know his quirks and also know he's otherwise a good guy to work with. He never holds a grudge for an honest mistake, he's just passionate about his music and lacks some self-awareness.
All that said: he has burned bridges with musicians who have little or no patience with that behavior. I totally get that. At the very least the BL should learn to smile when "providing direction", even if it's over gritted teeth.
*The exceptions have been with subs who had plenty of time to prepare for his originals (many of which are tricky), but obviously didn't. I completely empathize with the BL's anger, but of course he should withhold that in public.
Never on stage! Never in front of of any type of or group of people, ie: strangers, Never in front of other band members. One on one by the BL and the BL only. Not by text or phone either. That's chicken 
. If someone doesn't have a pair big enough to civiilly handle something person to person and make a scene, they need to be gone if this is a continuing problem.
. If someone doesn't have a pair big enough to civiilly handle something person to person and make a scene, they need to be gone if this is a continuing problem.
The worst is when that same person who belittles everyone makes a mistake and shrugs it off like it never happened.
I’ve also been in situations where the BL belittles the other guitar player and she curses him out - right on stage, in the middle of a song, not far from a hot mic.
I understand now why we’ve been getting fewer and fewer gigs this year…
Yes, but leaving right away would have screwed the other people in the band. I did not want to do that to them.
I've had it happen a couple of times: once from a major star and once from a B-level star; let's just say they apologized.
In my old age I have zero tolerance for disrespect. If it happened in front of an audience, I would turn my back to the audience and tell the person “don’t EVER talk to me like that” in no uncertain terms. Then at the end of the gig, I’d get banned here for printing what I would say, let’s just say it’s two words and it wouldn’t be “Merry Christmas.”
If it happened again, I’d be out, not notice given. A band is a contract, but if either side breaks the contract, neither side is obligated to keep it. Certainly treating people with civility is a part of the contract, whether it’s spelled out or not.
I played with a drummer, who at the time I didn’t know had attention deficit disorder. He wasn’t disrespectful but he was always difficult to deal with, but he was a fantastic drummer so I put up with it. One rehearsal I guess he was off his meds and he was just being really difficult. He wouldn’t stop playing so we could start the song, he said, just jump in, really rude and just impossible to deal with, all over the map, talking over people, just starting songs, etc. When I got home I called the guitar player and said, “I’ll make this easy for you, I’m quitting the band effective immediately. I will never set foot in any room with him again under any circumstances. I will not deal with that level of chaos.” He said, “We’re all tired of him. You can stay, we’re getting rid of him.”
It wasn’t until afterwards that we found out about his condition. I still wouldn’t play with him. I told them if they wanted to keep him there would be no hard feelings, but I’m nobody’s mamma, daddy, nurse, doctor, psychiatrist, hand holder or mentor. I’m there as a professional, to work with other professionals. I leave my problems at home and I expect them to also. I’m not trying to be some kind of macho hard ass, but in 54 years of playing in bands, the only thing I’ve ever gotten from putting up with people’s nonsense is more aggravation.
If it happened again, I’d be out, not notice given. A band is a contract, but if either side breaks the contract, neither side is obligated to keep it. Certainly treating people with civility is a part of the contract, whether it’s spelled out or not.
I played with a drummer, who at the time I didn’t know had attention deficit disorder. He wasn’t disrespectful but he was always difficult to deal with, but he was a fantastic drummer so I put up with it. One rehearsal I guess he was off his meds and he was just being really difficult. He wouldn’t stop playing so we could start the song, he said, just jump in, really rude and just impossible to deal with, all over the map, talking over people, just starting songs, etc. When I got home I called the guitar player and said, “I’ll make this easy for you, I’m quitting the band effective immediately. I will never set foot in any room with him again under any circumstances. I will not deal with that level of chaos.” He said, “We’re all tired of him. You can stay, we’re getting rid of him.”
It wasn’t until afterwards that we found out about his condition. I still wouldn’t play with him. I told them if they wanted to keep him there would be no hard feelings, but I’m nobody’s mamma, daddy, nurse, doctor, psychiatrist, hand holder or mentor. I’m there as a professional, to work with other professionals. I leave my problems at home and I expect them to also. I’m not trying to be some kind of macho hard ass, but in 54 years of playing in bands, the only thing I’ve ever gotten from putting up with people’s nonsense is more aggravation.
Then maybe they should have spoken up and handled business. They are complicit in it to for letting it go unchecked
Absolutely unprofessional, disrespectful, and intolerable. If I were you, I would let that happen to my *once*, but not *twice*. I had a guy that did that to me. I played bass backing him up when I was starting, and he would call out my playing on stage if the song wasn't working. I told him the *second* time he did it in no uncertain words that if he ever wanted to share a stage with me again that he would keep any criticisms he has to after the show, and off the stage, or that he could find someone else to play with. He got the message.
This is pure wisdom. I have told the guys repeatedly that we have to be able to criticize *anything* about each other. I have told them to let me know if I am out of time, out of key, if my stage attire isn't up to snuff, if I don't wear enough deoderant, *anything*. If you are in a band together, you have to be able to hear those things *in the proper context*.
A wise man told me it's only a mistake if you tell them it was.
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Int6eresting to see comments on brawling and punching and settling in the parking lot, Lot of us here are pushing 60's and beyond and I am sure with the trend towards 7 lb basses, 15 lb cabs and 4 lb class D heads, the punches thrown are not going to be as hard when we were in our twenties, Please do not mention firepower because that may not be cool with some mods and kinda of the wrong forum and not really cool,
I agree. I or my other other bandmates would usually tell the member who did the mistake after gig, and just between ourselves.
Yelling on a bandmate on stage never really happened with any of my bands yet. However, there was one time I had two American bandmates, one was a vocalist/guitarist and the other was a drummer. The two got sort of bad blood a few months ago because the vocalist lost the drummer's guitar some time ago and it resulted to the drummer being microaggressive with the vocalist for a couple of months
Then on a different event, the vocalist was playing a solo set, then he thought the drummer was badmouthing him, so while he was on stage, he said something terrible about the drummer. Our band got disbanded the next day. However, after that, there was another time the vocalist went to one of my band's shows, and the cafe manager, a friend of mine, didn't want to hire the vocalist upon hearing this incident.
In one of my current bands, we have an African vocalist, and while she has a unique voice and has the skills to do all the vocal acrobatics, she gets angry even though she's the one who did a mistake (i. e. defending herself that she played the correct chord on a guitar while me and the guitarist both know she's wrong, getting angry at a wrong date, etc.) She also tends to do big mistakes on stage when she's playing the guitar, like in one instance, she got her guitar a half-step down from standard tuning and our guitarist noticed it. She managed to grab the tuner on my bass during the solo part. I was really mad at her after the gig; in more than a decade of gigging, it's the first time this sort of strange mistake happened to a band I'm playing with.
So yeah sometimes I think of quitting this band, not to mention that sometimes, my current goals for music (writing songs and learning and playing jazz) are being sidelined.
A Reason To Stop Worrying - Watch This Whenever You're Stressed Or Anxious
Can you send them this anonymously? Lighten up, you're not nearly as important as you think you are. I was browsing the comment section and noticed people were panicking before they got to the inspirational part of the video.
Everything will be okay because, for some reason, against all conceivable odds, you're on this weird rock—this planet that births life, that births more life, novel life, intelligent life. You, in this unknowable vacuum of potential nihility, you have this playground, this consciousness, this capacity for wonder, emotion, and thought. The only real mistake you can make is to not recognize this, to never relax and enjoy the hilarious and enthralling absurdity of it all, to realize that it all means nothing beyond itself, and to find freedom and inspiration in this thought: to explore and connect with what it can mean to be you on a rock in a solar system, in a galaxy, in a universe, in a who-knows-what. To be kind and decent, to have fun, to love, to laugh, to cry, to try, to fail, to live, and to remember that no matter whatever happens, you can still do all of this. No matter what you do in life, worst case is you try your best, you be yourself, and you do what you can do with compassion, honesty, effort, and understanding. And then you move on like everything else.
It would never have gone any further than the rehearsal space...I would have seen to that. This was NOT new behavior and, more than likely, glaringly evident before it ever hit the stage.
Riis
Riis
I did a sub gig for a salsa band. The whole night, during the gig, the percussion section were making faces and comments that I couldn't quite hear. During a set break, I asked them what was going on. Turned out they had major issues with the keyboard player. They said I was swinging and they didn't have an issue with me. That didn't make the rest of the evening any less awkward though. I never played with them again.
I used to make a face at myself when I made a mistake. My guitarist asked what I was doing and when I told him he said just stop that and play on. And that was just at rehearsal.
In group i’m in everyone makes a mistake here and there. No big deal.
Our drummer makes the most. He’s a great drummer and a better person but ever so often he’ll lose focus, plays through an ending or drops a beat. Big deal.
The guitar player and look at him and smile or sometimes laugh. No harm done.
No one died so it’s all good.
Our drummer makes the most. He’s a great drummer and a better person but ever so often he’ll lose focus, plays through an ending or drops a beat. Big deal.
The guitar player and look at him and smile or sometimes laugh. No harm done.
No one died so it’s all good.
Me? I’d be looking for a way out. There’s no negotiating that away. We’re peers. You’re not my coach. In the meantime, I’d be laying down some passive aggression that would fill that person with dread every time I walked in.
