Band members with egos, tempers.

[el murdoque]

FIrst of all, do whatever rescues the whole thing.
There's a Zappa live record where Vinnie messes up a drum roll and Zappa makes him play it multiple times, and the whole thing is rather funny and leaves you wondering whether that was intended or a mistake. I've had people in bands who would make some fun of it and turn a messed up bit into a laugh for the crowd. Confronted with someone who will complain about a bad note, on stage, through the FOH system, I'd have clear words afterwards. As the OP stated, as a professional, you suck it up on stage and make sure the show goes on as best as possible.
Afterwards I'd tell the offending party that hitting a bad note on stage is not exactly professional, but throwing a temper tantrum about it is actively making things worse. Maybe half of the audience noticed the mistake while it happened, but when someone with a mic complains about it, they make sure that the whole crowd knows about it.

Furthermore, I'd tell the offending person that the next time this happens, I'll escalate the unprofessional behavior one step further, by unplugging my instrument and leaving mid song.

 

[Jeff Hughes]

Just smile and shake your head and remember "I am getting paid." Totally confuses an angry person. Or jsut apologize in the moment. This also confuses angry people who want a conflict. Works with road rage also.

Or jsut talk to the person in a non-stress environment. Sometimes people just replay behavioral interaction styles without much thought, and because they are so used to it they don't realize how prickly it can be. It is sort of like a family that is used to yelling to other people in the house instead of just going to the room the other person is in.

 

[TheArchitect]

I didn't mention that they didn't. Your making stuff up.

You also did not say I was wrong. Why would we would be discussing this if they had? It would have been settled.

 

[Hot Rats]

You also did not say I was wrong. Why would we would be discussing this if they had? It would have been settled.

Jesus Christ dude....get it together.

 

[rogerb]

I would probably start laughing, that seems to be my usual response to weird behaviour. I'd put off deciding anything for a couple days, but it would probably mean the end for me.

A funny related story, I played a gig with a guitar player that had just had some automatic tuner installed, long story short he arrives late running, tunes up guitar and proceeds to leave the thing in tuning mode for the first tune. Hits the first chord and the guitar starts a tuning-fest, hilarious, sounded like hell was unleashed. Nobody yelled, although I do think some in the crowd knew something was wrong. He just kept on playing as I remember.

 

[turf3]

"Automatic tuner"??

Huh??

Too tough to twist the knobs?

 

[Core Creek]

"Automatic tuner"??

Huh??

Too tough to twist the knobs?

Gibson has robo-tuners. Considering how bad they stay in tune I think it was a decent idea and I have them on my Les Paul.

 

[Jay Corwin]

The older I get, the less I'm willing to put up with egos, tempers, or laziness in a band. Constructive criticism is fine, done like adults, in a logical conversation to solve problem spots in a song or arrangement. Also we all have strengths and weaknesses, and it's my belief that a band should do its best to work within it's strengths unless every member has the time to commit to it's weaker areas. Many dogs aren't going to learn new tricks, or simply don't have the time to do it later in life if everyday commitments to work and family.

Bottom line for me is that if you can't treat others like a human being, I'm out. I don't bother children trapped in adult bodies.

 

[Low End Scum]

This is in regards to musicians in cover bands. One of the things that really upsets me is when a band member with a temper and/or ego (typically lead singer or lead guitarist), scolds another band member for making a minor mistake or hitting the wrong note ON STAGE in front of everyone. Of course, to keep the peace the person getting yelled at has to take it and carry on with the song as to not escalate the situation re-direct the performance to a professional level.

When you're playing a 4-hour gig with 45 or so songs, you're bound to make a mistake. I'm not talking about destroying a song. I'm talking about a bad note! It's not life or death. You're playing at a bar FFS.

What’s your opinion about handling a situation like this? I know leaving the band is an option, but what if this is the only problem and everything else is great? On the flip side, not addressing the situation is the same as giving this person permission to disrespect you.

Thoughts?

Unprofessional fireable behavior to be honest. Not in front of a crowd, not on stage. Not off stage at the venue. Same goes for saying a gig sucked AT the gig which I've had to have conversations about a few time. That's something for when y'all are back at rehearsal or post gig hang.

The only time this'd be acceptable is if it was schtick. Like in one band we all used to joke that our guitarist was awful. Our singer one time turned to him and said "I swear to god Kyle the moment my daughter is old enough to walk and kick the strings on a guitar you are FIRED", but it was tongue in cheek. He was in on the joke. Outside something like that? Absolutely not.

 

[fdeck]

This is in regards to musicians in cover bands. One of the things that really upsets me is when a band member with a temper and/or ego (typically lead singer or lead guitarist), scolds another band member for making a minor mistake or hitting the wrong note ON STAGE in front of everyone. Of course, to keep the peace the person getting yelled at has to take it and carry on with the song as to not escalate the situation re-direct the performance to a professional level.

Granted, I believe in "the show must go on," but playing out a song doesn't govern my facial expression or body language, which can speak volumes. I'd give them a big **** eating grin and play on.

 

[woodiebass]

I thought about quitting my band last weekend when this kind of happened. I like the other two guys a lot, so I'm not quitting, but I think we have to do something. We have a guitarist who frequently won't own his mistakes, and gets pissy as all hell when he is gently corrected.

He (incorrectly) called the rest of us us out after a song last weekend, when HE actually made the mistake.... He didn't do it over the mic- but after the song was over he turned and castigated us (really me) because he thought we didn't enter the bridge at the right time.

Problem is- the rest of us played it correctly- he skips a bar or two on this song at least 50% of the time. We were pretty forceful right back at him.... It could have waited until until next rehearsal- but he made a deal on stage out of it, so the other guitar, myself and drummer made it clear he made the mistake.

We were up on a stage at an outdoor venue, so the crowd wasn't on top of us and it probably wasn't obvious what was going on unless you were paying close attention.

Anyway he didn't like us sticking up for ourselves and sulked the rest of the night.

Usually the drummer is the guy who "manages" this kind of stuff in rehearsal... "Hey that solo goes for another Bar..." or "Woodie you're supposed to lay out there..." etc. The guy in question has been getting really pissy about being corrected by the drummer, so in order to promote harmony he's been taking more of a subtle approach. It's not working well though.

The rest of us talked about it after the gig after he left- didn't quite get a resolution though but I guess we acknowledged it's an issue.

Guitarist in question is good, has a big repertoire but has a poor sense of timing (typical, lol) and I think he only practices his parts on his own- versus playing the song through. He's also playing less lead than he's used to I think because the other guitar in the band is the frontman and plays most leads (he's better.) So that might be bothering him.

Bands......

 

[AndyMopley]

Late to this party but to add...In the classical repertoire, it is not uncommon for big ego conductors to yell at players, although I have neven seen (in my somewhat limited experience) a section lead do that, in public. I once had to let go of a section member in a community orchestra, but this I did privately and made it known that the player had decided to leave (rather than having been sacked).

I personally never like a conductor (or a band member) to yell at a player, I don't care how good they are. The occasional private talk, or expression of concern, is fine, but the public shaming? Leave that to those that enjoy being at the end of it. A better approach is a critical review, after the event, based on constructive criticism.

 

[60bass]

This is in regards to musicians in cover bands. One of the things that really upsets me is when a band member with a temper and/or ego (typically lead singer or lead guitarist), scolds another band member for making a minor mistake or hitting the wrong note ON STAGE in front of everyone. Of course, to keep the peace the person getting yelled at has to take it and carry on with the song as to not escalate the situation re-direct the performance to a professional level.

When you're playing a 4-hour gig with 45 or so songs, you're bound to make a mistake. I'm not talking about destroying a song. I'm talking about a bad note! It's not life or death. You're playing at a bar FFS.

What’s your opinion about handling a situation like this? I know leaving the band is an option, but what if this is the only problem and everything else is great? On the flip side, not addressing the situation is the same as giving this person permission to disrespect you.

Thoughts?

My thought is and has always been. I Absolutely won't put up with that type of behavior. Especially if it happens on stage in front of people.

When that happens after the gig I just pack up my gear like I normally do and then I go home. The next day I call the band leader and say by the way I didn't appreciate what you did and the way you treated me so I quit. Then I'd get the usual harassment about, well how can you quit on us we have gigs booked yadda yadda yadda. My answer was and still to this day after 50 years of being a bassist telling the person. you should have thought about that before you opened your big mouth. Let this be a lesson to you for the next person that comes into the band. Oh, and by the way. A lead guitar player is a dime a dozen but a good bass player not so much and you just lost a good one. The same for singers. Leave your ego trips at the door.

 

[GKon]

Totally unacceptable, period.

 

[Pocket Dave]

I agree with what's been said here, but have to share an exception. For seven years I've been gigging fairly frequently with the BL of an all-original blues/rock/funk power trio. For decades now he's worked with a large number of local musicians, some (not me) being top subs in the state.

He will occasionally call someone out onstage. It usually isn't mean-spirited, usually isn't into the mic*. I learned early on that he doesn't realize how stern he can appear, mainly due to facial expression -- some people are just unfiltered that way. Example: I apologized after apparently getting scolded by him, but he said "dude, I wasn't calling you out, I was just giving direction". Since then I've just shrugged it off when it happens, even when he's calling attention to a goof I made. Same is true for others who perform regularly with him, because they know his quirks and also know he's otherwise a good guy to work with. He never holds a grudge for an honest mistake, he's just passionate about his music and lacks some self-awareness.

All that said: he has burned bridges with musicians who have little or no patience with that behavior. I totally get that. At the very least the BL should learn to smile when "providing direction", even if it's over gritted teeth.

*The exceptions have been with subs who had plenty of time to prepare for his originals (many of which are tricky), but obviously didn't. I completely empathize with the BL's anger, but of course he should withhold that in public.

Congrats - you've chosen not to take it personally. Why let someone else's lack of certain social skills rattle around in your head.

At the same time, when such a lack creates a sense of unease within the band to the point that everyone's afraid to be innovative or do their best, or worse yet, if it transfers that unease to the audience, I start considering alterative options to playing in the band.

Yeah, I know, that sense of unease usually happens in both cases when publicly calling someone out on stage.

BTW, when our BL catches me making a mistake onstage, or if I catch him, we have a quiet way of conveying "Aha - gotcha there!" - We look at each other with an exaggerated expression of concern, as if to say, "You ok? You're not having a stroke or anything are you?"

I love working in this band.

 

[pepj]

Some BL are control freaks to a greater or less degree. As long as we are working towards the same thing.
I have a guy who likes to point things out...and I might think he is 'wrong' but we both want it to be 'great'.
I see him with other bands and I can tell what I'd do differently...and I can hear that things he may level at me..these other guys 'get away' with.
In perspective, I just thinks he is a perfectionist...as am I in regards to music..and he is just pushing guys hard.
Once I got my head around that...I smile at any clams and he can laugh.
That comes across far better to audiences and this shouldn't be a torture either.

 

[Pocket Dave]

My thought is and has always been. I Absolutely won't put up with that type of behavior. Especially if it happens on stage in front of people.

When that happens after the gig I just pack up my gear like I normally do and then I go home. The next day I call the band leader and say by the way I didn't appreciate what you did and the way you treated me so I quit. Then I'd get the usual harassment about, well how can you quit on us we have gigs booked yadda yadda yadda. My answer was and still to this day after 50 years of being a bassist telling the person. you should have thought about that before you opened your big mouth. Let this be a lesson to you for the next person that comes into the band. Oh, and by the way. A lead guitar player is a dime a dozen but a good bass player not so much and you just lost a good one. The same for singers. Leave your ego trips at the door.

I've been gigging 52 years and I agree with everything you say, except I no longer tell the BL (or anyone else) anything other than, "this is not a good fit". If he pushes it, I just tell him, "I'm not going to say more than that." I'll repeat it as many times as I have to. Turns out it's not in my job description to straighten out or fix people I'm better off just leaving out of my life. Odds are they're not going to listen anyway.

And I try to give 2 weeks notice no matter, work whatever dates are on the book during that time if they need me to. In my market, that's ample time to get a sub or two until someone permanent can be found.

 

[51PRI]

I've been gigging 52 years and I agree with everything you say, except I no longer tell the BL (or anyone else) anything other than, "this is not a good fit". If he pushes it, I just tell him, "I'm not going to say more than that." I'll repeat it as many times as I have to. Turns out it's not in my job description to straighten out or fix people I'm better off just leaving out of my life. Odds are they're not going to listen anyway.

And I try to give 2 weeks notice no matter, work whatever dates are on the book during that time if they need me to. In my market, that's ample time to get a sub or two until someone permanent can be found.

That's a good approach.

 

[klokker]

If I screw up in my band, everyone usually looks at me like what the.....? But the reason is that I hardly ever screw up, so it's a kind of compliment.

I hate making mistakes.

 

[AndyMopley]

Or, alternately ;-)