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Band rant

icke2433

icke2433

Guest
Mar 26, 2012
277
11
Las Cruces New Mexico
#1
Hey guys I'm not sure if I'm the only one but I wanted to grab some opinions. I have a band with some of my best friends, but the problem with them is that none of them ever practice on their own and use the band time to figure out how to use their instrument as well as our singer is terrible, only one of them has their own gear and I supply all the drum stuff for our drummer as well as all the guitar stuff for the guitar player. I love my equipment and I love collecting and putting my love into the things I have all of which have at least 800 dollars put into them. For the longest time I thought this was how things went, but then I joined another band and it's amazing, everyone practices, the singer can sing everyone has their own nice gear that we all respect and don't mess with. Everyone practices on their own and we just are able to get so far in an hour and a half. I hate being a douche to my friends but how do I tell them to get their own stuff and to practice without me being the bad guy?
 
#3
You are playing with junior musicians, and they're not really musicians. You will encounter this over and over again in your life, if you continue to play music.

The best thing to do is quit that band and find better, more dedicated, musicians to play with.
 
#5
I know that feel, man... My sympathies. I have to live with a drummer who still can't play after fifteen years (of course he doesn't practice at home) and a keys player who's got a great ear and is a great hang but can't practice at home at all due to time issues (and that's not a lie born of laziness as far as I can tell, that dude is swamped with work).

However they are aware of their shortcomings. One doesn't care and the other, despite his best wishes, can't play as much as he used to before he got his current job. Suffice it to say I'm starting to get pissed and we had the 'talk' but nothing seems to change.

The guys and me (including the other band members) have grown close and it doesn't make matters any easier. I really want them to get their act together but I'm about ready to quit. Yesterday we had a spontaneous rehearsal without the drummer who couldn't make it, and suddenly all the songs we sped up on or had any other timing issues with, worked without any issues. The drummer rushes everything and between the keys player (who has a natural tendency to play in front of the beat) and him, a toxic recipe for speeding up brews on every song, on some worse than others. Guitar player and I tried as best as we could to prevent this (by staying on one tempo) but the drummer apparently lives by the words, 'when wrong, play strong'.

Tldr I know that feel, ranting etc
 
#6
Sounds like your friends are just using the time to hang out and bang around on instruments, kind of like playing a pickup game of basketball..not serious. I would work with the band that has true players. If you enjoy playing around with friends continue this or cut them out and tell them you need your time work with a real band.
 
#7
icke2433 said:
I hate being a douche to my friends but how do I tell them to get their own stuff and to practice without me being the bad guy?
Click to expand...

I don't think you can.

When it come to this type of thing, there are two ways to look at it. You either like hanging with your friends, getting together over beers and making noise, OR you want something more professional.

You have a choice. If you can handle the time, you can hang with your buds and don't take it serious and dedicate yourself to the new band, or just explain to your buds you need to find something more, move on and try to remain friends. They aren't going to change.
 
#8
That is a perfect example of the difference between a hobby band and working band.
Hobby bands practice, working bands rehearse.
I am in both types.
The hobby band members only play their instruments at practice and use that time to learn songs.
Problem is, they never woodshed so every practice is just relearning the same songs and
trying to get their chops back.
I equate it to meeting my golf buddies every Sunday morning.
It's fun but I have no expectations of qualifying for any tours.

Working band rehearses what everyone woodshedded at home.
Rehearsals are just to tighten up songs, decide on intros, outros etc. and work on the actual show.
The level of skill is high and ironically it is so much easier to perform with these guys than the hobby band.
Expectations are a given.
 
#9
keep both bands
one is for having fun with your friends
the other is for making serious music
nothing wrong with either approach as long as you are having fun
if it stops being fun then quit and find other ways to socialize with your friends
 
#10
Just like it's not being a douche to give up your little-kid toys as you get older, & moving on to other things, it's not being a douche to move on musically. It's part of growing up. Your friends should be happy for you & proud of you, that you're growing at a rate faster than they are (not that they will, necessarily, but that's often a part of their not growing up).
 
#11
You could still offer to jam, but make them aware that your number one priority is the new band. Say you sold the drum/guitar stuff and for them to let you know when they are ready to play again. If someone isn't willing to scrape together money for even a junk instrument, or practice AT ALL, I'm sorry, but they aren't musicians. They can still be friends. That has nothing to do with music. So separate the two. That is your current quandary. Best of luck! I don't envy your position sir.
 
#12
Muttleybass said:
I don't think you can.

When it come to this type of thing, there are two ways to look at it. You either like hanging with your friends, getting together over beers and making noise, OR you want something more professional.

You have a choice. If you can handle the time, you can hang with your buds and don't take it serious and dedicate yourself to the new band, or just explain to your buds you need to find something more, move on and try to remain friends. They aren't going to change.
Click to expand...

Exactly.

My last band was like this. They wanted to practice ALL the time. We were doing 3 days a week for a few years. Then I realized that we weren't really moving forward so I cut back to 1 day a week. Both of the guitarists wanted to move forward to play gigs and record. I found out that the drummer wasn't interested in gigging at all (because he didn't want to move his kit), and I wanted to gig all the time.

Unfortunately for the two guitarists, it was/is their first band and they still think that's exactly how a band works. Practice all the time with no payoff.

I go fed up with it and finally moved on. I played with two bands for as long as I could, but I eventually left the 1st. It was well over an hour away for me to go to practice, and it just wasn't really worth it to me in the end. Kinda sad, but the drummer is a really difficult person to be in a band with.
 
#13
Practice = Something you do on your own to learn a song.
Rehearsal = Something you do as a group to finalize the song arrangement.

IMO if a band member will not practice outside of our scheduled rehearsals and come prepared to rehearse the arrangement i will be looking elsewhere for people that will.

Unless, of course, you are content to remain in a band that will never progress.
 
#14
From your post, it appears that they are not as serious about this as you are and they simply want to hang out and jam...I would tell them you would like to continue to do this with them but you are taking the next step with your new band. It seems many of us have been in similar situations. We want to stay friends but feel the need at the same time want to move beyond where you are now. In my case I moved on and stayed friends any they eventually became more serious about it and eventually moved on without me and that was cool. We remain friends many years later.
 
#18
Are your friends familiar with your other band? Maybe invite them to come watch one of their practices. A picture can be worth a thousand words.

Of course, sometimes the problem is unrealistic self-evaluation. I've heard some pretty lame singers and players seriously say that they're every bit as good as name-brand pros. Nothing you can do with that sort. They're just playing make-believe.
 
#19
Stinsok said:
They aren't supposed to "practice" at practice.
Click to expand...

dtripoli said:
Hobby bands practice, working bands rehearse.
Click to expand...

fkh006 said:
Practice = Something you do on your own to learn a song.
Rehearsal = Something you do as a group to finalize the song arrangement.
Click to expand...

While this may seem like an exercise in semantics, it is far, far more than that. My experience is that it is nearly impossible to teach this to people. They either get it or they do not. If you get it and choose to play with those who do not, you will likely grow frustrated very quickly.

But, if you can satisfy your musical needs with the band that gets it, you may still be able to play in the "fun" band with your friends. However, once you taste the degree of professionalism you have experienced, the fun band may not be so fun after all.

In any case, keeping your own instruments for yourself only appears douche-y to a douche. In other words, it should be their problem, not yours.
 

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