Bass player jokes

[Bong Bong]

How can you tell when the stage is perfectly level? Drool comes out both sides of the bass player's mouth.

What do you call a bass player in a 3-piece suit? The Defendant.

What do you call a bass player with a job? The pizza delivery boy.

What do you call a bass player without a girlfriend? Homeless.

How do you get a bass player to turn down? Put sheet music in front of him.

So true

 

[Danny O Danny]

A group of 19th century British explorers were venturing deep in the interior of Africa, using a local guide and porters. As they went deeper and deeper into the jungle the porters became more and more anxious. Then suddenly, in the distance, they heard drums. The porters dropped everything and ran, but the guide remained.
The British asked the guide, "Why were the porters so terrified of the drums? What happens when the drums start?"
The guide replied, "They're not terrified of the drums, they're terrified of what comes after the drums."
"What comes after the drums?" the explorers asked.
The guide replied, "The bass solo."

 

[Danny O Danny]

A man buys his son a bass for his birthday, and also pays for 5 lessons.

After the first lesson, the boy comes home and the Dad asks "What did you learn today?"
"I learned the first 5 notes on the E string." the son says proudly.

After the second lesson, the dad asks "What did you learn this time?"
"I learned the first 5 notes on the A string." the boy says.

After the third lesson, the Dad waits at home for hours and hours. Finally, around 2am, the son comes home, smelling of whiskey and cigarettes.

"Where the hell have you been?!" the Dad demands.

"I had a gig," says the son.

 

[Danny O Danny]

A band is playing at the local nightclub to a sell-out crowd.

As they're playing, the drummer is thinking, "Oh man, I'm so hungry! I'm gonna eat some pizza after the gig! And fried chicken! And ice cream! And beer! And then it's party time!!!"

The lead singer is thinking, "Look at that hot chick over there! And another over there! And there's another! Oh man, I'm gonna get some action tonight for sure!"

The guitarist is thinking, "Hey all you poser guitar players out there, check this out! Yeah, I bet you can't do that!"

The bassist is thinking, "E, E, E, E, E, E, E, E, A, A, A, A, A, A, A, A, E, E, E, E, E, E, E, E, A, A, A, A, A, A, A, A, B, B, B, B, B, B, B, B, E, E, E, E, E, E, E, E..."

(If this joke is told in Nashville, the bassist is thinking, "1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 5, 5, 5, 5, 5, 5, 5, 5, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1...")

 

[Bennobi1]

Q. What did the bass player get on his I.Q. test?

A. Drool.

 

[J-Mags]

Ok, here's mine:

After he died, Jack Bruce awoke in a fabulously-equipped recording studio, surrounded by instruments.
Jimi Hendrix and Duane Allman were tuning their guitars. John Lennon was seated at the piano.

Elvis, Janis Joplin and Buddy Holly were warming up.

As he plugged into his amp, an awestruck Bruce murmured, "Wow! There really is a rock 'n' roll heaven!"

Elvis Presley turned and said to him, "Man, this ain't Heaven!"

and just then the studio door opened, and Karen Carpenter came in,
sat down at the drums and said, "Okay, people. 'Close To You' in E-flat. One, two, three, four..."

I've always hated this joke. Karen Carpenter could rock the drums just fine. For all we know, Jack Bruce woulda played with her voluntarily if she'd lived.

 

[Michedelic]

I've always hated this joke. Karen Carpenter could rock the drums just fine. For all we know, Jack Bruce woulda played with her voluntarily if she'd lived.

This must have aired before Jack died…

 

[Michedelic]