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Being Single

Ziltoid

Ziltoid

I don't play bass
Apr 10, 2009
10,185
51,764
Canada
#1
I'll try to be coherent but I'm just writing as I think so this may be less than structured.

I noticed something relatively strange, there is but a limited place in today's societies for singles. Most activities seem a little awkward without a partner. Theater, cinema, restaurants, etc. Some may argue that it's only awkward if you make it but try brunching alone. It's the weirdest thing.

The second thing I noticed is in relation to the first, but there seems to be people who are in relations just for the sake of not being single. I have a roommate that's like that and a few friends. As if being with someone even tough you know it's not going to work out, you're unhappy with is better than no relation at all. We all know "relationship-hoppers" that just can't stay single.

I was thinking about this and my current hypothesis is our society proceeds to a certain form of conditioning. The image of happiness, of conformity that is projected on us is of a couple, a family, etc. The older singles are often portrayed in a less than favorable way.

Now, thinking back, this isn't new at all. The norms used to be dictated by the church and still are in some places. But in an age of secularism and little faith it is strange to notice that being single is still perceived in a generally negative way.

The big difference with some years back seems to be that the binary division between "single" and "married" has perhaps shifted to "single" and "not single". There seems to be motion but I very much doubt single will ever be perceived as a good thing. The "there must be something wrong with him" line of thoughts seems to be very much present. Perhaps not that much with younger folks, but definitely still there.

I know I'm mainly stating things that seem obvious but I thought it could make for a nice thread. Thoughts?

Get bless, try to be a success
Please her, please him, buy gifts.
 
#2
I don't think it's single v. relationship so much as loner v. socially accepted by some group of peers.

I wouldn't feel odd going to a restaurant or movies with a friend or group of friends regardless of any romantic interests. I agree that there's a stigma about being alone in what's generally considered a social environment.

But perhaps I've missed your point...
 
#3
What is this "brunching" you speak of?

I get this from my mom a lot. She always tells me how I need to be focusing on finding someone to marry. I'm 20 and I've got other things I'm working on. If something comes along, great, but I am not out there actively hunting down girls to wife. It is just ridiculous and she doesn't understand that that isn't really in my top goals at the moment.
 
#4
Unrepresented said:
I don't think it's single v. relationship so much as loner v. socially accepted by some group of peers.

I wouldn't feel odd going to a restaurant or movies with a friend or group of friends regardless of any romantic interests. I agree that there's a stigma about being alone in what's generally considered a social environment.

But perhaps I've missed your point...
Click to expand...

True, that's a good point.
 
#6
As I get older....

I've been wondering if single vs. relationships is part of thinking that the grass is always greener.

I spent much of my youth chasing after women and failing miserably. I was this close to giving up entirely prior to meeting my wife. (holds index finger and thumb approx 1cm apart [+/-25%])

Nowadays, I think about what it might have been like if I stayed single. Nobody would be telling me how dumb I am and bossing me around. I mean, besides work. Instead of spousal arguments, I'd probably be complaining about being single.

All I can say is that if she and her mother grew up having a cleaning lady. RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
#9
I have spent a long time single and also in couple.
One thing is for sure, raising kids within a couple is a lot easier.
Other than that, I can't say I prefer one condition to the other. I love doing things by and for myself, so it isn't really an issue for me to go to the theater or restaurant by myself.
We are social animals so most of our activities revolve around meeting people and spending time with them. It can feel a bit awkward to do it alone because you can't share the moment.
Social pressure against single people is gigantic because it is carved in our genes and laws that our goal is to be in a couple and pop kids.

There are people who fear living alone but for the most part it is the fear of others' look on you. Social animals, remember. The opinion of others counts. If you are in a couple you are considered normal enough and people will leave you alone.
 
#10
Jazz Ad said:
I have spent a long time single and also in couple.
One thing is for sure, raising kids within a couple is a lot easier.
Other than that, I can't say I prefer one condition to the other. I love doing things by and for myself, so it isn't really an issue for me to go to the theater or restaurant by myself.
We are social animals so most of our activities revolve around meeting people and spending time with them. It can feel a bit awkward to do it alone because you can't share the moment.
Social pressure against single people is gigantic because it is carved in our genes and laws that our goal is to be in a couple and pop kids.

There are people who fear living alone but for the most part it is the fear of others' look on you. Social animals, remember. The opinion of others counts. If you are in a couple you are considered normal enough and people will leave you alone.
Click to expand...

Do you think it might be a bit different on your side of the pond? Because here people don't "drag" nearly as much as in France. The contrast is pretty big as far as that part of the equation is concerned.
 
#11
Unrepresented said:
I don't think it's single v. relationship so much as loner v. socially accepted by some group of peers.

I wouldn't feel odd going to a restaurant or movies with a friend or group of friends regardless of any romantic interests. I agree that there's a stigma about being alone in what's generally considered a social environment.

But perhaps I've missed your point...
Click to expand...

This is true, but I think Ziltoid's OP is true as well. There definitely is a stigma towards people not in relationships (especially women).

Personally, I'm fine in either circumstance. I have a lovely girlfriend now who I wouldn't trade for anything, but the single life had its perks as well. I will say the biggest difference between being in a relationship and not being in one is how the opposite sex views you.
 
#12
Ziltoid, you're single? You're such a rebel! :)

You may think you have a point but it's anecdotal so without empirical evidence many can not agree with you. Therefore you are imagining it. ;)

I too have observed "serial relationshippists" (to blatantly manufacture a word) but alas, I have no empirical evidence so I must be imagining it. My imagined observations lead me to the fictional conclusion that some people must just simply prefer to always have someone at hand to argue with. I reach this conclusion because I have something wrong with my brain chemistry that convinces me that when I see things happen over and over, I actually come believe that they are actually happening.

I digress. Clubs exist for "you people" that insist on being "third wheels" so you can all hang out together and not feel so odd; they're called singles clubs. I of course have no empirical evidence that they do actually exist, just hearsay, but if they do you may find solace there. That is, if you require such solace. You rebel. ;)
 
#13
96tbird said:
Ziltoid, you're single? You're such a rebel! :)

You may think you have a point but it's anecdotal so without empirical evidence many can not agree with you. Therefore you are imagining it. ;)

I too have observed "serial relationshippists" (to blatantly manufacture a word) but alas, I have no empirical evidence so I must be imagining it. My imagined observations lead me to the fictional conclusion that some people must just simply prefer to always have someone at hand to argue with. I reach this conclusion because I have something wrong with my brain chemistry that convinces me that when I see things happen over and over, I actually come believe that they are actually happening.

I digress. Clubs exist for "you people" that insist on being "third wheels" so you can all hang out together and not feel so odd; they're called singles clubs. I of course have no empirical evidence that they do actually exist, just hearsay, but if they do you may find solace there. That is, if you require such solace. You rebel. ;)
Click to expand...

Do you have any empirical evidence of not having any empirical evidence regarding this matter?
 
#15
As a married father of some years, there are times I crave being alone.

I've been to the cinema many, many times by myself and I love it. I've had weekends in hotels by myself and love that even more.

Don't get me wrong, I love my kid and would walk over hot coals for her, but there are times I just want to be alone. And I actually enjoy my own company.

I guess it's a millennial-old conundrum...couples have periods of envying the single life, and singles have periods of pining for long-term companionship.

Either way, we kick around on this ball of rock for but a brief moment, so just try and enjoy what time you have.
 
#18
I have always been apposed to marriage, and the mainstream accepted idea of relationships. Most people do it because they think it's what is expected, and most people don't even realise that what they're doing is simply due to conditioning.

Those that do not follow the accepted norm of societies conditions are not the crazy ones.

Our lives are constantly bombarded with unrealistic ideals that condition peoples actions.
Unrealistic romanticised perceptions that are hardly ever as they are advertised.

People are happier when they feel safe, but it's a false paradise that leads to conflict and heartache. More marriages fail than succeed, why waste so much time and energy on a losing proposition? You could be playing bass, and sex is cheap if you get good enough ;)
 
#20
I've been single (divorced) for so long now that it feels like it's the only way I know. And to be totally honest, I'm not sure how I feel about that these days.

I've tried to continue my thoughts but I feel like I'm not making much sense.
 

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