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Being that guy who doesn't dance...

#23
TBrett said:
You know, I think your last line says it all. It doesn't sound like there's anything wrong with you, it just sounds like your friends and roommates are into a different scene than you are. What about finding a good local pub? Someplace you can go and talk, joke, laugh, have a bite to eat and a couple of pints with no pressure or b.s.? Always worked for me.
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There's two pubs I go to, one I've played at, however most people there are in their 30s and I'm 21, but yea my scene =! my friends scene
 
#24
being a muslim growing up in a muslim country, i never went to clubs or concerts until i went to japan for college. All my friends go to clubs every weekend, and sometimes they pressure me to go with them and i end up exactly like you, not dancing, hanging out by the bar wobbling my head to beat, until i figured out how to do it. The secret is, get drunk, but not black out throwing up drunk tho. Once im drunk i found myself dancing to any song. actually i found myself making everyone around me more.. excited :P so, there you go.
 
#26
OP:

I do not dance. Ever. I do not go to clubs, as they generally operate under the assumption that you will go to dance. My friends know this, so they know not to ask me to go to clubs. I stick to pubs, because my idea of socializing is pints and conversation (and occasionally getting yammered).

And believe it or not, nobody cares: they're cool with my anti-dancedness. If you don't like clubs and dancing, tell your friends, and they'll understand. Instead of worrying about it, find some people that to do the things you find fun.
 
#27
Lowpro said:
Hey guys, I've got mostly a question as to how you would help a friend or guy who isn't too antisocial but has quirks here and there (I'm that guy obviously)

I've just noticed how as much as I like hanging out with my friends and bars or clubs, I have such a downer presence; I don't smile a lot even though I'm happy, and at clubs I don't dance; I just hang by the bar (and I feel like such a killjoy to my friends who feel bad and I tell them they shouldn't but they do) and drink beers and just kinda stick to myself. It sucks, and it doesn't just bother me but it bothers my friends. If one of them gets two girls who wants to dance and by the unwritten rules of the Wingman I should dance with the other girl, I just can't dance. Not that there's anything to it, it's basically her grinding on me, but I don't even look like I'm enjoying it (even if I am) I just have no expression either way about it. Because of that I don't want to dance and for the most part I just duck out early or sober up and be DD.

So I'm just ****ing awkward. I don't feel antisocial since I'm out and about a lot, I just am not much of a clubber.

If I was one of your friends how would you either play me off so that I'm not such a downer guy or how would you kinda ease me into the scene so I don't hold down the crowd?

(BTW this isn't limited to dancing. Even at concerts I mostly just nod my head to the beat or smile when a line really hits home with me, but I don't jump up and down or get too animated or even smile, I just don't)
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Well, if you were my friend I just wouldnt take you out to dance clubs. Anything else, for the most part, would still be cool, but Im not taking your butt to a club with me if you aint gonna dance. What would be the point when I can fill my car up with people who will dance? But like I said, concerts, shows, bars, etc Id still drag you along, so long as you actually have a good time and dont bring everyone down.
 
#28
Damn, I thought I was the only one.. I don't dance, hate parties, hate get together unless there all close friends but I only have two of those so anymore would be awkward. I'm fine if it's me and my girl and my friend and his girl but that's max. I hate smoke, I also have a voice that goes nowhere. I can jump and shout at a concert but I'm mostly just leave me alone kind of guy and I hate it only cause I feel people think I'm that guy and feel bad for me.
 
#29
Can't look any worse than this.

dancerz.jpg
 
#30
CrispyDelicious said:
OP:

I do not dance. Ever. I do not go to clubs, as they generally operate under the assumption that you will go to dance. My friends know this, so they know not to ask me to go to clubs. I stick to pubs, because my idea of socializing is pints and conversation (and occasionally getting yammered).

And believe it or not, nobody cares: they're cool with my anti-dancedness. If you don't like clubs and dancing, tell your friends, and they'll understand. Instead of worrying about it, find some people that to do the things you find fun.
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I'm very much the same. I have no interest in dancing -- I'm a better talker than mover anyway. Dance clubs usually have no available volume left to have a real conversation anyway.

Socialize somewhere where you're comfortable, dance clubs can't be the only place people hang out at. Not saying forsake them completely, but at least get your confidence up somewhere where you're more in your element.
 
#32
I used to be an "I don't dance" kinda guy. I got over it, and immediately started the enjoying the benefits. My advice - if you're interested in reaping the rewards that frequently go with dancing and drinking with chicks who like to dance and drink - is to get over yourself and learn how to have a great time on the dance floor. You don't have to be a great dancer by any means, but I'll assume that since you're a bass player, you can find the beat. If you really like holding up the wall or saving everyone else seats while they're having a great time, by all means keep doing what you're doing. I hope you also enjoy listening to your friends' stories about the action they got from the girls they danced with. Personally, I prefer to tell my own stories.
 
#33
EricF said:
I used to be an "I don't dance" kinda guy. I got over it, and immediately started enjoying the enjoying the benefits. My advice - if you're interested in reaping the rewards that frequently go with dancing and drinking with chicks who like to dance and drink - is to get over yourself and learn how to have a great time on the dance floor. You don't have to be a great dancer by any means, but I'll assume that since you're a bass player, you can find the beat. If you really like holding up the wall or saving everyone else seats while they're having a great time, by all means keep doing what you're doing. I hope you also enjoy listening to your friends' stories about the action they got from the girls they danced with. Personally, I prefer to tell my own stories.
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This man tells the truth.
 
#37
Im always sober, so my demeanor at parties depends on my mood.

Im known as a dancer, so when i go to this one "club" here at home I do like to dance it up.

At parties it depends on the day, like anybody else. If i feel like socializing and being crazy, I will. If I feel like hanging back and being quiet, I will.

Alcohol doesnt change anything, I do.

Just keep doing your thing, however you feel comfortable.
 
#38
Been going to dance clubs for over a year and half now, pretty much sick of it. Found out I don't like dancing either. Need to find a new way to interact with the females. My new thing is the book store. Totally different environment and I like knowing I'm charming to sober girls.
 
#40
Call me insane, but I do dance. I learned a long time ago that (some) women think that if a man is good on the dance floor, he's good in the sack. And I tell you . . . this is absolutely true . . . I've been told this by several women!

Many years ago, I learned to dance . . . I do everything . . . Swing, Country and Western (including line dancing), Latin, and Ballroom. I tell you, I am average to OK looking, in shape, but I have had more women (inc. sex???) than most guys . . . and I attribute it to learning how to dance . . . it has never failed me . . . in a bar . . . at a wedding . . . at a party . . . etc. And yes, I've even got into a fight over being a good dancer . . . because I was always getting asked to dance by girls, this guy called me a "fag" . . . just once! When he came to, he apologized . . . I'm also an ex-golden gloves boxer!

Dancing raises your self-esteem levels, so you won't hang your head . . . you will smile more . . . you will mingle more, etc. And I promise, regardless of whether or not you think you are good looking . . . you WILL get to meet more women!

BTW . . . I met the love-of-my-life, in part, because I knew how to dance . . . I met her at a dance lesson! She is a professional dancer, and yes, I still dance a lot, but playing in three bands takes up a lot of my time.

Good luck . . . it's your life . . .
 

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