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Being that guy who doesn't dance...

L

Lowpro

Sep 25, 2006
659
1
Birmingham, AL
#1
Hey guys, I've got mostly a question as to how you would help a friend or guy who isn't too antisocial but has quirks here and there (I'm that guy obviously)

I've just noticed how as much as I like hanging out with my friends and bars or clubs, I have such a downer presence; I don't smile a lot even though I'm happy, and at clubs I don't dance; I just hang by the bar (and I feel like such a killjoy to my friends who feel bad and I tell them they shouldn't but they do) and drink beers and just kinda stick to myself. It sucks, and it doesn't just bother me but it bothers my friends. If one of them gets two girls who wants to dance and by the unwritten rules of the Wingman I should dance with the other girl, I just can't dance. Not that there's anything to it, it's basically her grinding on me, but I don't even look like I'm enjoying it (even if I am) I just have no expression either way about it. Because of that I don't want to dance and for the most part I just duck out early or sober up and be DD.

So I'm just ****ing awkward. I don't feel antisocial since I'm out and about a lot, I just am not much of a clubber.

If I was one of your friends how would you either play me off so that I'm not such a downer guy or how would you kinda ease me into the scene so I don't hold down the crowd?

(BTW this isn't limited to dancing. Even at concerts I mostly just nod my head to the beat or smile when a line really hits home with me, but I don't jump up and down or get too animated or even smile, I just don't)
 
#2
Lowpro said:
Hey guys, I've got mostly a question as to how you would help a friend or guy who isn't too antisocial but has quirks here and there (I'm that guy obviously)

I've just noticed how as much as I like hanging out with my friends and bars or clubs, I have such a downer presence; I don't smile a lot even though I'm happy, and at clubs I don't dance; I just hang by the bar (and I feel like such a killjoy to my friends who feel bad and I tell them they shouldn't but they do) and drink beers and just kinda stick to myself. It sucks, and it doesn't just bother me but it bothers my friends. If one of them gets two girls who wants to dance and by the unwritten rules of the Wingman I should dance with the other girl, I just can't dance. Not that there's anything to it, it's basically her grinding on me, but I don't even look like I'm enjoying it (even if I am) I just have no expression either way about it. Because of that I don't want to dance and for the most part I just duck out early or sober up and be DD.

So I'm just ****ing awkward. I don't feel antisocial since I'm out and about a lot, I just am not much of a clubber.

If I was one of your friends how would you either play me off so that I'm not such a downer guy or how would you kinda ease me into the scene so I don't hold down the crowd?

(BTW this isn't limited to dancing. Even at concerts I mostly just nod my head to the beat or smile when a line really hits home with me, but I don't jump up and down or get too animated or even smile, I just don't)
Click to expand...
i used to go out with groups of people and feel obligated to stay or go when the group wanted.....since i had a motorcycle i learned that if you find out where people are going then show up on your own,and leave when you feel like it,no one got the idea that i was obligated to do anything.....as far as expecting you to dance when you dont want to so your pal can git some......sorry dude,not me
 
#3
I like dancing, but only to certain music. The normal run of the mill club would never play the music I like dancing to.

Besides that, I'm kinda like you in the fact that I kinda just hang back when it comes to crowd situations. One on one I'm much more animated, talkative, and outgoing. Pretty much up to three people is my limit though. Never have done good in crowds.

Take for instance the party I went to last night. I was invited by a girl I know, but she was the only person I knew out of everybody that was there. I stayed with my arms crossed leaning against a wall the entire time. The girl came and talked to me a few times, but mostly I just stood there. Until another girl (who I just so happen to enjoy the company of immensely, and she and I are both shy) and her sister showed up. I talked to them a little and picked on her for a bit, but I still felt uncomfortable and didn't feel like doing much of anything else. The rest of the party was up and raging, but the three of us kinda stayed in a corner. After a while we went outside and chatted, but it was still a very quiet night.

In comparison, I went to a restaurant with the same girl and a bunch of other friends and we stayed and talked and joked for hours. I think it's the whole very shy around strangers thing for me.

But give me a few beers shots and bowls and I'll be able to convince an entire crowd of people that the moon is in fact made of cheese. While dancing.
 
#4
Just be yourself. If you're not having fun at clubs, don't go to clubs. I am the same way; I never learned to dance--grew up in a Baptist home, and it just wasn't allowed. It gets easier as you get older; when you're a working adult, you're not expected to go to clubs and parties all the time. Being older has some advantages. :smug:

Don't worry about how you think you ought to act; just be yourself. Some people are party people, some aren't.

Ed
 
#5
Well if I don't go to clubs then I don't get to hang out with my friends/roommates etc. I much prefer sitting at a bar and talking with friends or friends of friends but throw me in the club scene and it's not as though I'm just clenching up, I just don't dance.

Specifically last night my friend's with two of his chick friends, and one of them is trying to get the other girl to dance with me, and I keep saying "trust me, I don't really dance, don't worry about me" and I sit at the bar watching two really really really fine amateur strippers.

But damn even I know that one's the loneliest number, and this girl was adamant that I was upset and I should be dancing with her friend, and when I said no again she was saying "Well what's wrong with her?" and of course there's nothing wrong, but then I just feel like maybe there's something wrong with me.

I need new friends:rolleyes:
 
#7
I can't dance either, I'll go to a club if the music is good but I don't dance to anything, I'm content to just chill and bounce to the beat or tap my foot. When I'm intoxicated I've been known to jump up and down a bit to a good live band, but I don't call it dancing. But when I've seen Bow Wow Wow live I totally jump around like mad when the drums start. No idea why. But other than that, I am a complete non-dancer. There are other ways to enjoy oneself at a club or bar. But if the music there sucks, there is no reason to subject yourself to it. Might as well stay home and put on some good tunes.
 
#11
Same here man. I dislike crowds. And smoke. I just can't talk with smoke on my face, my throat kinda closes up. And I can't dance, I don't know how to dance, it's not something I feel comfortable doing, I don't like it, I don't see the point in doing it, I think it's a huge waste of time, and I don't want to learn. You're totally not alone there. Just like a guy above, I feel much but MUCH more talkative and energized in smaller groups.
 
#13
Joe Gress said:
I like dancing, but only to certain music. The normal run of the mill club would never play the music I like dancing to.

Besides that, I'm kinda like you in the fact that I kinda just hang back when it comes to crowd situations. One on one I'm much more animated, talkative, and outgoing. Pretty much up to three people is my limit though. Never have done good in crowds.

Take for instance the party I went to last night. I was invited by a girl I know, but she was the only person I knew out of everybody that was there. I stayed with my arms crossed leaning against a wall the entire time. The girl came and talked to me a few times, but mostly I just stood there. Until another girl (who I just so happen to enjoy the company of immensely, and she and I are both shy) and her sister showed up. I talked to them a little and picked on her for a bit, but I still felt uncomfortable and didn't feel like doing much of anything else. The rest of the party was up and raging, but the three of us kinda stayed in a corner. After a while we went outside and chatted, but it was still a very quiet night.

In comparison, I went to a restaurant with the same girl and a bunch of other friends and we stayed and talked and joked for hours. I think it's the whole very shy around strangers thing for me.

But give me a few beers shots and bowls and I'll be able to convince an entire crowd of people that the moon is in fact made of cheese. While dancing.
Click to expand...

+1

That`s basically me. Get me in small groups and I`m trouble, but in larger groups I really never feel the need to say anything unless it`s important or until I`ve known the people for a while. It`s not a bad thing either. I`m perfectly alright not being the most outgoing guy in big groups because one-on-one is where you generally make friends anyways.

Now as far as dancing is concerned ... I prefer to perform music for people to dance to, rather than being the person dancing to a performance.
 
#15
If theres a girl to dance with, I'll dance if the music is right or i'm intoxicated. Otherwise, i'm all about the head bob, the occasional shuffle, smiling and laughing if the music hits that right spot, and yelling WOOOO or YEAAHH after a killer solo/ lyric/ build-up.

I think that the more females there are in my vicinity, the more I dance. Also, instead of walking/ pushing through crowds, dancing/ bouncing through the crowds and stopping to dance when something catches your fancy works well.

But this isn't to say I'm a dance master, I still feel awkward sometimes if the crowd/ music/ mood is wierd or I'm tired.

Do whatever makes you happy but don't get too wasted, no one likes the drunk guy falling all over the place....
 
#16
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#17
Clubs just don't do anything for me. I have a low voice that'll project about 5 feet at normal volume, so I don't have a chance with loud music pumping. If I really need to talk to somebody at a club, I have to yell and I'll come home with a sore throat at the end of the night. Compile that with the fact I don't dance, and the kind of girls I meet at clubs are not the kind of girls I want to meet, and there's really no reason for me to be there.

My solution: I don't go to clubs; I go to bars (and casinos)

I play pool, I play cards, I drink, I listen to music, I talk to friends and I have fun.
 
#19
Lowpro said:
Well if I don't go to clubs then I don't get to hang out with my friends/roommates etc. I much prefer sitting at a bar and talking with friends or friends of friends but throw me in the club scene and it's not as though I'm just clenching up, I just don't dance.

Specifically last night my friend's with two of his chick friends, and one of them is trying to get the other girl to dance with me, and I keep saying "trust me, I don't really dance, don't worry about me" and I sit at the bar watching two really really really fine amateur strippers.

But damn even I know that one's the loneliest number, and this girl was adamant that I was upset and I should be dancing with her friend, and when I said no again she was saying "Well what's wrong with her?" and of course there's nothing wrong, but then I just feel like maybe there's something wrong with me.

I need new friends:rolleyes:
Click to expand...

You know, I think your last line says it all. It doesn't sound like there's anything wrong with you, it just sounds like your friends and roommates are into a different scene than you are. What about finding a good local pub? Someplace you can go and talk, joke, laugh, have a bite to eat and a couple of pints with no pressure or b.s.? Always worked for me.
 

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