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Best bassist jokes

Discussion in 'Bass Humor & Gig Stories [BG]' started by thebass905, Oct 13, 2011.


  1. thebass905

    thebass905

    Jun 7, 2011
    I'm sure this is an old thread but I haven't found it... Who has some good jokes about bassists? Because sometime a laugh at our own expense is still a good one!
     
  2. Ron Plichta

    Ron Plichta

    May 19, 2007
    Fairfax, VA
    An anthropologist and his assistant were researching a small tribe on a remote South Pacific island and noticed a constant drumbeat coming from a distant mountain. They asked the tribal chief if the constant drumming bothered them.

    "Drum beat, good", said the chief. "Drum stops, bad".

    "Why? What happens?" asked the anthropoligist.

    "Bass solo", the chief replied.
     
  3. Muzoid

    Muzoid

    Feb 12, 2011
    Canada!
    Three Bassists are walking through the woods, and they come across a set of tracks.

    The first bassist says "Those are Deer tracks"

    The second bassist says "No...those are Bear tracks"

    The third bassist says "You're both wrong...I know my tracks, and those are Moose tracks"

    ...then the train hit them.
     
  4. What do you throw a drowning bassist?


    His Amp.
     
  5. I know I've posted this before, but.......

    What's the difference between a bass player and a mutual fund?


    The mutual fund eventually matures and makes money. :D
     
    dbase likes this.
  6. These have been done before, but I'll put in.

    How many bassists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

    None...the keyboard player does it with his left hand.
     
  7. Syco_bass

    Syco_bass Supporting Member

    Aug 13, 2008
    Tucson, Arizona
    Custom builder - Arizona Bass Company/Curcio Custom Basses
    How do you get a bass player off your front poarch?

    Pay him for the pizza. LOL
     
  8. Papa Dangerous

    Papa Dangerous

    Feb 1, 2011
    lmao. I like that one!
     
  9. fourfinger

    fourfinger Gold Supporting Member

    Apr 17, 2003
    Central Ohio
    Another oldie:

    What do you call a bass player without a girlfriend/boyfriend/significant other?


    Homeless.
     
  10. ^ Those last two I heard as drummer jokes, since they are more know for being ne'er do wells.
     
  11. How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

    1...4...5...1...4...5
     
    47th Street likes this.
  12. Uncle K

    Uncle K The bass player doesn't get a sandwich Supporting Member

    Aug 22, 2011
    Erie, PA
    What did the bassist get on his IQ test?


    Drool
     
  13. fractiouslowend

    fractiouslowend

    Aug 5, 2009
    perth
    how many metal bassists does it take to change a lightbulb?
    5. 1 to change it and 4 to stop the guitarist hogging all the light.
     
  14. Maybe even "1... minor 3...5"
     
    Quinn Roberts likes this.
  15. Muzoid

    Muzoid

    Feb 12, 2011
    Canada!
    How many Bassists does it take to change a light bulb?

    182,669

    1 to do it.....and 182,668 to sit around and discuss how Victor would have done it.

    TalkBass.Com!
     
    rickwebb likes this.
  16. Nev375

    Nev375

    Nov 2, 2010
    Missouri
    How many bass players does it take to change a lightbulb?

    Trick question, a bassist will try and reuse the same lightbulb, but first he will try boiling it to get some more brightness out of it.


    (for the youngsters, this refers to the practice of boiling dead strings. something a lot of us old timers would do when we couldn't afford new strings. It actually worked to a point.)
     
    4dog and 47th Street like this.
  17. MooseLumps

    MooseLumps Supporting Member

    Nov 4, 2007
    Portland
    How do you get two bassists to play in tune? Shoot one.

    What's the difference between a pizza and a bass player? A pizza can feed a family of four.

    How do you tell if the stage is level? The bass player is drooling out both sides of his mouth.
     
    rickwebb likes this.
  18. A bassist walks into a bar. Bartender says, "We don't serve your kind around here."

    Bassist replies, "That was mighty low."
     
  19. elgecko

    elgecko

    Apr 30, 2007
    Anasleim, CA
    How many country-western bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

    1 - 5 - 1 - 5 - 1 - 5
     
  20. Win, because you can't very well use it as a drummer/guitarist/______ joke. :)

    On topic/semi-bass specific: Did you hear about the bass player who was so depressed over his bad timing that he threw himself behind a train? :ninja:

    Edit: Also elgecko's above. :D
     

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