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Best way to leave a Band?

#43
electracoyote said:
My ex-band mates almost always ask me to join them for a song or two on stage when I catch them at a club later.
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The funny thing is that when I run into those guys in the future, it's a whole lot easier to tell them why you quit and for them to expect it.

Here's one such example after sitting in with some old band-mates from years ago and talking to them between sets:
Ex: "Man Jong, that was a great jam we just had. So, tell me, honestly, why did you quit the band?"
Me: "Aw, man....we don't need to go there."
Ex: "Seriously, it's not like I'm gonna kick you out of the band now. Amigo to amigo, why did you quit?"
Me: "Well, since you're twisting my arm..... You were being a d!ck to me and the guys, never listening to any of us and being totally full of yourself."
Ex: "Oh...man......I'm totally sorry about that. Looking back, I really was a d!ck back then wasn't I?"
Me: "Yeah, but it was always fun playing with you, even if you were a d!ck".
<laughs>
Ex: "Yeah, I sure was full of myself when I was younger. Life has definitely taught me some lessons since then."
Me: "Hey, I hope the lessons weren't too hard"
<cordial conversation and laughs>
Ex: "Do you want to sit in on a couple tunes, next set?"
Me: "Definitely!"
 
#47
So timely that I saw this as I decided to leave one of my bands. I am a founding member and have stayed with this longer than I should have. Albeit it's a cover band, but these are my buds and I want them to continue on and be happy.

In 35 years, the only way is honesty and simplicity - this keeps things in front of you.

I remember quitting a band when I was about 20 - i kept pacing around the room and xould't shut up, figuring I would make everyone feel good about my decision, by the end of the meeting I had everyone in a lather - bad, bad move on my part.

best advice I can give: Keep It Simple Stupid...
good luck!
 
#48
I quit the week after our best musician (saxophonist) got fired for petty reasons. There were more reasons than just losing the sax player, there were also financial ones i.e. the guitarist/bandleader who I'd known for a long, long time tried to inveigle me into getting credit in my name for his use (he doesn't pay his bills although he's got plenty of money and a house). He even held up the last rehearsal I attended for this reason. Apart from that, he was verbally abusive to his daughter in front of the band the week before the firing, in an ugly scene. Musically, we added a second guitarist who was once a bandleader himself, and the two seemed to amplify each others bad personality traits. There were more issues, but that was enough for me.

I quit and burned that bridge. The band got a replacement who was apparently more talented (not a major task). Only thing was, this replacement froze on stage and didn't play during the gig at all (I heard the details from a friend of the bandleader). I haven't heard of the band playing since.

Close to a year later, I still don't regret it.
 
#52
Last time I quit a band I told them straight up what my deal was. They wanted to have a vocalist like lamb of god. I was like hell no, so I just quit before I'd have to lay down the "it's me or him" sorta deal in a few months. They kept calling me and texts, I'd reply/answer half of them. After a while I blocked them in Facebook and they got the hint. I told them I can't stand that type of vocalist they said that it wasnt that bad. And I stuck to my story and wasn't gonna do another practice after that. I had joined THEIR band, I knew my say would be as strong as me just quitting.
 
#53
I just recently left the band I'd been with since 2010. I let our lead singer/leader know directly and told her why I was leaving (school/work/family responsibilities) and it was cool. She and the rest of the band understood. I think being straight up is the best way to go. I've always tried to not burn bridges in music.
 
#54
"I quit."
Don't let them talk you out of it. I wouldn't play in a band like that unless it was for--at minimum--$120/hour. And it's not. It's only costing you a few cigarettes to learn this lesson. You're getting off cheap.
 
#55
bucephylus said:
Local music scenes are actually quite small, even in the big towns. I prefer to be upfront and business-like with this particular communication. I prefer to announce it to the whole group at a rehearsal, and not over the phone. I simply state that I have a different opportunity to pursue. Leave it at that. I also give the band some notice for upcoming gigs, and stay prepared to fill in to help them out (to a point). I even persist with this protocol when one of the band members loses their cool. What I have found in the long run is that over time, people remember that you were straight up and come back to you for different future opportunities. This is no big deal, people move around. Gigs are sometimes not easy to come by. It helps to keep friends, or at least working relationships, even when you leave. IMO/E.
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I am not sure strict "don't burn your bridges" business approach is necessary in all cases, especially with non giving high school level bands.
 
#57
You say 'Hey guys this ain't fun no mo' I'm done with it, see y'all down the line". You then take out your smokes and light up- inhale big and exhale -and turn around and don't look back and keep walking. Either that or completely avoid them until they get the picture:D
 
#60
jive1 said:
"Hey guys, this just isn't working for me. I need to move on. Best of luck to you"

Don't get into arguments or discussions, just leave.
When people quit a band, they typically fear a potential conflict morese than leaving the band. So, don't have a conflict, even if they want to have one. Just stick to the line above, and move on.
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Just did this word for word, followed the script exactly. Seemed to go as well as it could on the phone, I guess I'll see if there is fall out or not after the fact...but if there is, I think it will be because of the kookiness of the other guys, not because of anything I said or did.

Its good advice!
 

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