Bullying

[DiabolusInMusic]

Many of the posts here state confronting the bully by the victim as the answer....and magically they won't bother you again.

In the old days when "The Code Of The West" was in vogue you didn't wait for the state to decide whether justice was to be dispensed......the townspeople gathered together and took care of the problem. Righteousness ruled the day. At least that's how it went in the movies...

Somebody confronting their tormentor is not the same as getting somebody else to come and assault the tormentor. I don't even know how to respond to the "Code of the West" comment since it isn't relevant in today's modern society. There is a reason both my society and yours stopped using this code, it's mostly because "righteousness" doesn't equal "right."

 

[Stewie26]

How is bullying the bully solving the problem? If anything, that is just perpetuating the issue.
.

It's called defending yourself. And it works in most cases.

 

[DiabolusInMusic]

It's called defending yourself. And it works in most cases.

It is not defending yourself by getting somebody else to come and assault the bully. That is using bullying to stop bullying, which doesn't make sense.

 

[neckdive]

It's called defending yourself. And it works in most cases.

Decking a teacher beacuse your child said he was falsely accused of something and received consequences is not defending yourself.

It's assault.

 

[neckdive]

Many of the posts here state confronting the bully by the victim as the answer....and magically they won't bother you again.

In the old days when "The Code Of The West" was in vogue you didn't wait for the state to decide whether justice was to be dispensed......the townspeople gathered together and took care of the problem. Righteousness ruled the day. At least that's how it went in the movies...

Because the State was busy shooting people with firehoses. Pining for the 'old days' tends to overlook our evolution as civilized society. Fortunately, there's still room for improvement.

 

[fhm555]

Bullying? I was 6'1" in sixth grade and was always in the top three biggest guys in my grade throughout my 12 years in public school. It was a very lonely place to be. Lot's of people wanted to use the big guy to prove whatever it is they felt needed proving so it was usual for someone to be taunting or goading. If I gave in and got physical, I was a bully for beating up someone smaller than me. If I refused to fight I was a big wussy.
It's a fine line between bully and wuss. I's all a matter of subjective opinion and we each set our own markers, so it's going to be tough to nail down a one size fits all solution.

What's really ironic, and I've seen this. People becoming physically intimidating trying to sell a non bullying POV.

 

[ZenG]

Decking a teacher beacuse your child said he was falsely accused of something and received consequences is not defending yourself.

It's assault.

So is getting the strap for something you had no part in.

 

[ZenG]

Somebody confronting their tormentor is not the same as getting somebody else to come and assault the tormentor. I don't even know how to respond to the "Code of the West" comment since it isn't relevant in today's modern society. There is a reason both my society and yours stopped using this code, it's mostly because "righteousness" doesn't equal "right."

Actually there was a case in Canada in the 80's in a small town rural town (it's some time back so I'd have to do some research to quote names,town, location...but I think I can find it) where there was a bully. The bully was accustomed to pushing people around to get his own way. He also carried shotguns and rifles in his truck.
One time one of the shopkeepers stood up to him. The shopkeeper ended up dead.
The bully had a certain bar/poolhall that he went to.
One day the good folks of town all met up at the place and waited for him. When the bully arrived he had a few beers and then went back out to his truck. That's when the good townsfolk all went outside and shot him and the truck up until it was riddled with bullet holes and the bully was dead.

Law enforcement was in the town but was mysteriously absent until awhile after the event. And they had been tipped off that something might happen.
So all the people involved claimed they were inside hiding under the pool tables at the time in fear.

And no-one was charged.

 

[DiabolusInMusic]

Actually there was a case in Canada in the 80's in a small town rural town (it's some time back so I'd have to do some research to quote names,town, location...but I think I can find it) where there was a bully. The bully was accustomed to pushing people around to get his own way. He also carried shotguns and rifles in his truck.
One time one of the shopkeepers stood up to him. The shopkeeper ended up dead.
The bully had a certain bar/poolhall that he went to.
One day the good folks of town all met up at the place and waited for him. When the bully arrived he had a few beers and then went back out to his truck. That's when the good townsfolk all went outside and shot him and the truck up until it was riddled with bullet holes and the bully was dead.

Law enforcement was in the town but was mysteriously absent until awhile after the event. And they had been tipped off that something might happen.
So all the people involved claimed they were inside hiding under the pool tables at the time in fear.

And no-one was charged.

Back in the 90s there was a kid who liked to bully people. Some kids had enough and murdered him. They were all charged.

The movie is called Bully if you are not familiar.

If those kids had sought justice instead of revenge they'd all be alive today, including the bully who still didn't deserve to be murdered.

 

[cfsporn]

I think the problem is isolated. What I mean is, in some schools you can't swing a dead cat without hitting anti bullying poster. Principals are tough on it in most places. Heck, Ashville NC recently had a whole festival (or something like that) on anti bullying. It made national news.

Where I grew up we played it smart. We took care of business off of school grounds. Bullies got taken care of in a hurry. But nobody got in trouble because they were dealt with in the neighborhood. My dad taught me from a young age to stray from violence..... Unless there was a bully involved. Then I was taught to unleash and let the chips fall where they may. I think part of the problem these days is that dads are wussies, not very involved (face glued to a TV, computer, or phone), or not there at all. It all hinges on dad's to me. The fall of our country in general (to me) can be tied to femanists, hippies, and all others who espoused views which lead to girly men. No, there should not be mostly "gender neutral" toys. Boys should not play with Barbie dolls. They should go outside and plow into each other until cuts and bruises occur. They should lose at sports and go back to play again next week because it's the right thing to do. They should stand up for weaker kids.... even if that means punching a bully in the nose. They should hold doors for ladies/girls. They should say "yes sir" and "no ma'am". They should play in the dirt and learn how to swing a hammer. They should be learning how to be strong, respectful MEN.

They should NOT BE learning "tolerance" and "sympathy" for the views of the bully. Bullies see that as weakness and it only serves to cause them to strike harder. End of story.

When I was a kid, I hated playing sports. Still do. In fact, then as in now, I would rather bake a cake than play or watch sports. Once a classmate of mine tried to make me feel bad for that, got him in a headlock and ripped out a handful of his shoulder length hair during recess.

A decade later, another young man tried to belittle me for not fitting his extremely narrow views of "man." I won't go into too many details, but I did manage to get him kicked off the college football team, the college baseball team, and I got him put on academic probation.

Not bad for a "girlyman"

 

[ZenG]

Back in the 90s there was a kid who liked to bully people. Some kids had enough and murdered him. They were all charged.

The movie is called Bully if you are not familiar.

If those kids had sought justice instead of revenge they'd all be alive today, including the bully who still didn't deserve to be murdered.

Is this movie true or a work of fiction?

So what "justice" do you get when report a bully to the authorities?

In this day and age they will put their manpanties on and maybe go have an educational talk with the bully.....who after they've left will be rolling on the floor laughing.

Some people will get so outraged they'll actually wear a pink t-shirt .........be still my heart...

Everybody will be advising everybody on how to deal with a bully.....meetings, talks ,advice, meetings, talks , advice, meetings, talks advice ad nauseum.

Meanwhile the kids will go online and collectively harass and bully at will, driving some kids to suicide.....while the parents ineffectually go to another meeting,clicking tongues and wagging fingers.

 

[DiabolusInMusic]

Is this movie true or a work of fiction?

So what "justice" do you get when report a bully to the authorities?

In this day and age they will put their manpanties on and maybe go have an educational talk with the bully.....who after they've left will be rolling on the floor laughing.

Some people will get so outraged they'll actually wear a pink t-shirt .........be still my heart...

Everybody will be advising everybody on how to deal with a bully.....meetings, talks ,advice, meetings, talks , advice, meetings, talks advice ad nauseum.

Meanwhile the kids will go online and collectively harass and bully at will, driving some kids to suicide.....while the parents ineffectually go to another meeting,clicking tongues and wagging fingers.

This movie was entirely true. There are other situations that have panned out the same way. You could always watch River's Edge or Alpha Dog, although it has been a while since I saw the latter, it may not have been bullying related. Could you find some more info on the situation you mentioned earlier, I am curious to read more about it. There must be a made for Canadian TV movie about it.

We have all kinds of systems in place to report bullying and to appropriately handle the situation. Justice is dealt through the state, nowhere else. That is why we established laws and regulations.

On the note of kids killing themselves because of bullying, that is greatly over-exaggerated. Most of the kids who commit suicide did not do so primarily because of bullying, it was only a small piece of a much larger puzzle.

 

[two fingers]

When I was a kid, I hated playing sports. Still do. In fact, then as in now, I would rather bake a cake than play or watch sports. Once a classmate of mine tried to make me feel bad for that, got him in a headlock and ripped out a handful of his shoulder length hair during recess.

A decade later, another young man tried to belittle me for not fitting his extremely narrow views of "man." I won't go into too many details, but I did manage to get him kicked off the college football team, the college baseball team, and I got him put on academic probation.

Not bad for a "girlyman"

OK, fair enough. You don't have to be able to build a deck with no blueprint. But, clearly, you have a spine. That's what is missing in today's girly man.

What kinda cake are we talking about. I like cake.


(Of course, I'm a few days from being done with a Daniel fast so I can't have any right now. But by the time you ship it here I'll be done! Ready go!)

 

[ZenG]

I don't think they made a movie about the Canadian event. I will do my best to find it. I can see the guy's face in my mind. I just can't remember his name.

Yes...we have all kinds of systems in place for bullying.....that don't work.

 

[Stewie26]

It is not defending yourself by getting somebody else to come and assault the bully. That is using bullying to stop bullying, which doesn't make sense.

I agree. What I was trying to say is the best response to a bully is to defend yourself with your own fist at the time he is threatening you. . Getting a third party, such as a Dad or big brother to defend you will only make matters worse in the long run. Sorry for the misunderstanding on my part.

 

[ZenG]

DiabolousInMusic:-

Pardon me......the show I watched this on was Canadian but the actual case was in the States....(fuzzy memory)

Anyway here it all is.......I thought he killed the shopkeeper but apparently he survived.


Invalid Link Removed

 

[cfsporn]

OK, fair enough. You don't have to be able to build a deck with no blueprint. But, clearly, you have a spine. That's what is missing in today's girly man.

What kinda cake are we talking about. I like cake.


(Of course, I'm a few days from being done with a Daniel fast so I can't have any right now. But by the time you ship it here I'll be done! Ready go!)

A deck with no blueprint would be hard as I have never even had a deck being a New Yorker and all.
However, I did build a fully functional telephone used it from the time I was eight until I was fifteen and got a cell phone.

 

[two fingers]

A deck with no blueprint would be hard as I have never even had a deck being a New Yorker and all.
However, I did build a fully functional telephone used it from the time I was eight until I was fifteen and got a cell phone.

Sweet! I like home brew electronics too. Sadly I don't have much time for them these days.

OK, sorry for the derail. Back to beating people up!

 

[ZenG]

So what is the answer here.......it's ok to beat a bully up if you do it yourself ...however that makes you a bully too and bullying is not tolerated.

If you get a hit man or somebody to take care of the bully you are too puny to beat up...that's cheating?

 

[Dogbertday]

Glad to hear I'm a wussy dad because I plan to teach my son non violence. Standing up for yourself and others can happen without attacking someone physically.

I also plan on getting him in martial arts classes but that's more about focused energy and (gasp) not fighting than anything else.