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C, an E-flat, and G go into a bar...

Discussion in 'Bass Humor [DB]' started by Bob Gollihur, Oct 29, 2005.

  1. Bob Gollihur

    Bob Gollihur GollihurMusic.com

    Mar 22, 2000
    New Joisey Shore
    Big Cheese Emeritus: Gollihur Music
    [font=Arial, Geneva, Sans-serif]C, an E-flat, and G go into a bar. The bartender says: "Sorry, but we don't serve minors." So, the E-flat leaves, and the C and the G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished: the G is out flat.

    An F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough. A D comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying, "Excuse me, I'll just be a second."

    An A comes into the bar, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor. Then the bartender notices a B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and exclaims: "Get out now! You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight." The E-flat, not easily deflated, comes back to the bar the next night in a 3-piece suit with nicely shined shoes.

    The bartender (who used to have a nice corporate job until his company downsized) says: "You're looking sharp tonight, come on in! This could be a major development." This proves to be the case, as the E-flat takes off the suit and stands there au natural. Eventually, the C sobers up and realizes in horror that he's under a rest. The C is brought to trial, is found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an upscale correctional facility.

    On appeal, however, the C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless. The bartender decides, however, that since he's only had tenor so patrons, the soprano out in the bathroom, and everything has become alto much treble, he needs a rest and closes the bar.
  2. How can you even respond to that?! :rollno:

    The joke is bad enough...what's worse is that I actually went back to try and figure out the chord-theory behind it. :cool:

    Well done, Bob. Where'd you come up with that?
  3. Bob Gollihur

    Bob Gollihur GollihurMusic.com

    Mar 22, 2000
    New Joisey Shore
    Big Cheese Emeritus: Gollihur Music
    An old friend emailed it to me. I thought it was pretty clever, don't know its origin.
  4. JimmyM


    Apr 11, 2005
    Apopka, FL
    Endorsing: Ampeg Amps, EMG Pickups
    LOL...so silly it's brilliant!
  5. Trevorus


    Oct 18, 2002
    Urbana, IL
    Wow, someone really had to think that through. I had to re-read a few parts to really get it.
  6. TroyK

    TroyK Moderator Staff Member

    Mar 14, 2003
    Seattle, WA
    I've seen several iterations of that. It keeps growing and getting funnier. While we're off the subject:

    A duck waddles into a bar, hops on on the barstood and says "I'd like some strawberries, please."

    The bartender says "what...uh...huh...we don't have any strawberrys...and WE DON'T SERVE DUCKS. GET OUT OF HERE!"

    The duck hops down and waddles out, but comes back the next day and repeats the conversation with the bartender (if we were actually in a bar telling this joke, I would make you suffer through it a few times)

    Finally one day the duck comes in and hops up on the bar stool, but this time the bartender says "Listen duck. I've told you we don't have strawberries and we don't serve ducks. The next time that you come in here, I'm going to nail your flat feet to the bar and beat you in the head with the hammer until you're dead."

    The duck, silently and slowly hops off the bar stool, waddles out and doesn't come back for several days. The bartender felt vindicated and moved on to his other customers until one day the duck waddled back in, hopped on the barstood and says

    "Hi, got a hammer?" The confused bartender said "um...no." to which the duck replied "Great! Got any strawberries?"
  7. westland


    Oct 8, 2004
    Hong Kong
    Exceptionally cute :p
  8. JTGale


    Oct 26, 2004
    Hummelstown, PA
    Funny! Thanks, Bob, for putting an ear-to-ear grin on my face this morning. That is definately a classic! :D

    ~ jtg
  9. Great Bob, have sent it out to my friends. I also had to read it a couple of times to get it all. :hyper:
  10. TheJimster


    Feb 21, 2006
    Pensacola, FL
    Well Bob that was pretty different.....
  11. jmpiwonka

    jmpiwonka Supporting Member

    Jun 11, 2002
    that is the ultimate of puns as far as i'm concerned.
  12. skoti89


    Feb 23, 2006
    Chico, Ca
    that sucked
  13. barebones

    barebones Supporting Member

    Jan 3, 2005
    Denver, CO
    A friend of mine insists on telling a variation of this joke every time we go out to whoever is foolish enough to listen. His involves a frog and grapes, but it's the same deal. So far he's the only one who thinks it's really funny. Maybe I'll give him your email or something...

  14. Basshole

    Basshole Banned

    Jan 28, 2005
    The duck is far funnier than the frog. Frogs just aren't as funny as ducks. Send him the E-mail, and tell him that if he won't stop telling the stupid joke, to at least change it to DUCK, as it is, after all, funnier (however slightly).

  15. barebones

    barebones Supporting Member

    Jan 3, 2005
    Denver, CO

    And you know what's even funnier than ducks? Platypuses. Doesn't really roll of the tongue the same way though. Might slow the joke down...

  16. HumanClay


    Dec 19, 2005
    hehehe, badomching!
  17. Andy Allen

    Andy Allen "Working Bassist"

    Aug 31, 2003
    Los Angeles, CA
    An Aardvark might work...
  18. barebones

    barebones Supporting Member

    Jan 3, 2005
    Denver, CO
    I'm sorry, but I think flat feet are a minimum requirement for this very unfunny joke.

  19. TroyK

    TroyK Moderator Staff Member

    Mar 14, 2003
    Seattle, WA
    Yes, gotta have flat feet for the joke to work. And I think strawberries are much funnier than grapes.

    Here's the new one that I insist on telling every time I go out and am around people who I'm not sure can handle more adult jokes,

    These two antenna meet and fall in love. They got married on a roof top. There wasn't much to the ceremony, but the reception was amazing.
  20. Andy Allen

    Andy Allen "Working Bassist"

    Aug 31, 2003
    Los Angeles, CA
    These two Aardvarks fall in love.They got married and....darn, doesn't work there either..