changes to my world as a gigging bassist part 2/update

[dbsfgyd1]

In part one of this story, I explained that my band (band A) lost our lead singer, and band B was founded in the wreckage, but with a newer, less experienced bassist in my place, who was a friend of one of the people in band B. Our old BL actually came to my house to talk to me to break the news, and invite me to audition on guitar after seeing one of their gigs. He wanted my musicianship in the new band.

I gave it some thought and decided to turn down the opportunity to audition on guitar. Frankly, I like playing guitar as a hobby, and I like playing acoustic, but gigging electric guitar is not my idea of a good time, especially in a popular cover band type situation. I also don't really get why I was passed over to begin with for this project, but I'm assuming it started casual and turned into something bigger, rather than actively excluding me.

I let him know I was available to play bass. For this project, for a reformation of the band with the new singer, or for something entirely differently. Happy to play bass.

My guess is, nothing will come of this on my end. It's unfortunate because we were one of the most well-known, well-booked bands in the area. The new project is not going to be as popular (it's just too narrow a genre) with or without me.

I'm bummed. I'm self employed in healthcare, I have another casual gig as an acoustic guitarist, and I don't have it in me to start fresh a new band. Not the time, not the space. I'd love to jump into a band and get out to playing again. It's a bit of a music desert out here in my pocket of the northeast.

At first I was rehearsing our old material with the hopes things would get back together, but now playing bass has become less fun, which really, really sucks. I'm sure that will pass, but it sucks. I miss getting out there and playing bass. I know a great band seeking a bassist isn't going to just land in my lap like it did with Band A, but I find it hard to try to build from the ground up.

Anyway, thanks for reading all that.

Best wishes!

 

[DaveParker39]

Well, since this spring up. We are booked pretty much until September. Mostly 3 hour gigs. Corporate mostly, some private parties.

Anyway, I've been BL In this band for 10+ years. All get along great. We have discussions not arguments, adults. Had a great rehearsal Saturday afternoon. Low key, some goofing around but got our work done. Left like normal. Bye, go to hell, see ya. (Normal)

Anyway, setting here reading yesterday and my wife says: "your big trailer just pulled into the yard! What! I got up and went outside. There was my lead guitar player, vocalists with my trailer on his truck. He was letting the Jack down when I got to him.

I said: "what's the deal"? He said it is all your equipment". "I'm done, don't call me or text me"! WT?! That was it, got in his truck and drove off! I had nothing, and still don't!! Thats it?? So, I guess after 10+ years and without even a hint of issues, its over!

I called the drummer and other guitar player. (Surprised you guys didn't hear the drummer! ) I told them not to call or text him, leave it alone for now like I will. I'm just beyond bummed and don't understand at all. I would really like to know why! But per his request I wont contact him. So, I cancelled this weekend. Owner was pissed. They had a big Mothers Day party planned. (Big venue) Gave her a number to call for a buddies band. They took the gig to bail me out.

I will give this till Monday and see if any change or news from him. I'm getting too old to start over. The pool for musicians is drying up here to. I'm sick about it. Trying to figure "why", but can't. Will have to cancel over a dozen gigs. Drummer is going to need counseling.

I'm sorry to hear that mate. Sounds like a nightmare.

 

[Five or Six]

I just don't get it! I called my buddy that's taking this weekend for us. I gave him our booking dates and contacts. They are a good band! I asked to call the venues and to take what they could. I've made contact with our bookings all day and gave them a heads up. They were receptive.

The one's they can't take I will cancel next week. I've been playing since 68ish and never seen anything like this. Makes me sick!

 

[Runnerman]

One can never take a band, especially a gigging band, for granted.

This times 1000. If you do, be thankful every day and live in the moment. Many (maybe most) musicians never get to work in a stable band.
I know mine will come to an end at some point. The effortless musical and social connection with these people took a long time to build and not sure I'd have it in me to do that again either. Take a break, relax, evaluate and see what happens. Forcing it never seems to work.

 

[Deleted member 394181]

This times 1000. If you do, be thankful every day and live in the moment. Many (maybe most) musicians never get to work in a stable band.
I know mine will come to an end at some point. The effortless musical and social connection with these people took a long time to build and not sure I'd have it in me to do that again either. Take a break, relax, evaluate and see what happens. Forcing it never seems to work.

When a good band I was in ended, it was quick, fast, and in a hurry.

 

[Pocket Dave]

Well, since this spring up. We are booked pretty much until September. Mostly 3 hour gigs. Corporate mostly, some private parties.

Anyway, I've been BL In this band for 10+ years. All get along great. We have discussions not arguments, adults. Had a great rehearsal Saturday afternoon. Low key, some goofing around but got our work done. Left like normal. Bye, go to hell, see ya. (Normal)

Anyway, setting here reading yesterday and my wife says: "your big trailer just pulled into the yard! What! I got up and went outside. There was my lead guitar player, vocalists with my trailer on his truck. He was letting the Jack down when I got to him.

I said: "what's the deal"? He said it is all your equipment". "I'm done, don't call me or text me"! WT?! That was it, got in his truck and drove off! I had nothing, and still don't!! Thats it?? So, I guess after 10+ years and without even a hint of issues, its over!

I called the drummer and other guitar player. (Surprised you guys didn't hear the drummer! ) I told them not to call or text him, leave it alone for now like I will. I'm just beyond bummed and don't understand at all. I would really like to know why! But per his request I wont contact him. So, I cancelled this weekend. Owner was pissed. They had a big Mothers Day party planned. (Big venue) Gave her a number to call for a buddies band. They took the gig to bail me out.

I will give this till Monday and see if any change or news from him. I'm getting too old to start over. The pool for musicians is drying up here to. I'm sick about it. Trying to figure "why", but can't. Will have to cancel over a dozen gigs. Drummer is going to need counseling.

Wow.

Not sure what the guy perceives as having been done to him; it must be something horrendous in his mind.

Still, the fact that he's apparently bought 100% into whatever he's either concocted or been fed without benefit of the doubt - or at least an opportunity to discuss it - points to some impressively poor impulse control. Not sure I could imagine a condition where I'd risk working with him again.

 

[Five or Six]

I gave him time like I said I would. I asked the guys to leave it alone as well, and they have. Not a word. We have never individually or one on one ever had a cross word. His wife didn't like the band or the music. So, she is possibly involved? But, that's purely speculation. I guess it's over without explanation. I considered him a good musician and friend.

The band was well liked and in demand. I've done all I can, even lost sleep over it. Worst of all, I've lost a good friend.

 

[pepj]

If he could do that as you've described then I'm not sure about the 'good friend' part.
However, I suggest you rally the other guys and replace gtr.. not easy, might take a while and you might not be ready too quickly, but I think it is a good idea to not make this poor event stop you all gigging.
If the other guys don't want to then maybe you'll find the answer why but atm, I'm thinking mid life crisis for gtr and I'd not go there again.

I wouldn't be trying to justify his behaviour on the face of it. I'd move on.
Why make yourself feel bad..??

 

[DaveParker39]

I gave him time like I said I would. I asked the guys to leave it alone as well, and they have. Not a word. We have never individually or one on one ever had a cross word. His wife didn't like the band or the music. So, she is possibly involved? But, that's purely speculation. I guess it's over without explanation. I considered him a good musician and friend.

The band was well liked and in demand. I've done all I can, even lost sleep over it. Worst of all, I've lost a good friend.

I mentioned to someone that I felt like I got broken up with when things went sour in this band. And honestly I think sometimes these things feel that way. We care a lot about our music and the relationships we make.

 

[tothemax]

Sorry to hear this, sometimes one door closes and another opens. Bands can be weird relationships... It seems little things (not always exactly clear what they are) sometimes bring out passive-aggressive behavior, and if it's with the BL it can permeate and break up the band. If you have chops and are used to playing in a working band, something will show up, maybe it was time for a change...

Hang in there, and like the other posts... keep playing