I don't feel like counting is helping me keep time, but I'm spending a lot of mental energy and focus doing it, and sometimes it's getting in the way of actually playing melodies.
I've been thinking about this statement for a bit.
When I reflect on my learning, I realize that almost every new concept “got in the way” of my playing. The process of thinking about it, teaching my body to play it, and listening if I got it right is not a very musical process, it doesn’t feel good. As Anthony Wellington says , it’s not a blissful state. the only way past that is to go through : practice until it’s ingrained, instinctive , and you “feel” the count.
I think there’s two kinds of musical “feel”: ignorant feel and knowledgeable feel
Ignorant feel is the player who can groove for days but can’t tell you what 8th note upbeat that Ab is on( and maybe doesn’t even know it’s Ab.) Such players are easily derailed by circumstance, and have trouble communicating their ideas
Knowledgeable feel is the player who can groove for days, and always knows exactly where they are and what note they are playing. They aren’t thinking about it, they just know. Because they put in the mindful practice time.
And that's why I think "counting vs feeling" is a false choice.
If you currently always know exactly what beat and subdivision your on,
(or can almost instantly communicate it ) Then the count is ingrained in you
and you can stop consciously thinking about it.
If maintaining awareness of the count hampers your feel, then you need to practice it more