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Crisis situation...need some feedback

#63
Sublab said:
Hey,

Doing my best to keep my chin up for the kids. They feel it though that I'm not feeling too happy. Missing my girl and what we had. Hope full hartedly she just needs a little time.
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Take them on a picnic today. Have them help getting everything ready. Take something for everyone to play together. You'll see, it will help.

Paul
 
#64
Wednesday we're going to the zoo. Thursday swimming day.
I feel so bad about what happened, but in the end the point of me breaking had to come: I didn't take care of myself and just kept on going, never stopping. The consequences I face now are grave and it hurts like hell. I'm giving as much as I can to the kids, but it's not enough.
 
#65
Sublab said:
Wednesday we're going to the zoo. Thursday swimming day.
I feel so bad about what happened, but in the end the point of me breaking had to come: I didn't take care of myself and just kept on going, never stopping. The consequences I face now are grave and it hurts like hell. I'm giving as much as I can to the kids, but it's not enough.
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Hey man, your doing your best and no one can fault you for that. Also, still making the effort for your kids is something my dad never did when I was growing up. Rarely see the guy, but here you are getting out and having a little bit of fun with them.

Parenting, it seems like you're doing it right :thumbup::)
 
#66
Sublab said:
Hey,

Doing my best to keep my chin up for the kids. They feel it though that I'm not feeling too happy. Missing my girl and what we had. Hope full hartedly she just needs a little time.
Click to expand...

People think its strange, but I think the best way to get out of a funk is to get good and pissed off at something. You never feel more alive than when you are good and angry, and alive is exactly what you don't feel when you are depressed.

About your girl, even if she comes back to you, whats to stop her from bailing on you again next time things get tough? From the outside looking in, I seems like she isn't really there for you. Which is true of most women, the older and more experienced I get the more I realize that there are not many good ones out there.
 
#67
Hopkins said:
People think its strange, but I think the best way to get out of a funk is to get good and pissed off at something. You never feel more alive than when you are good and angry, and alive is exactly what you don't feel when you are depressed.

About your girl, even if she comes back to you, whats to stop her from bailing on you again next time things get tough? From the outside looking in, I seems like she isn't really there for you. Which is true of most women, the older and more experienced I get the more I realize that there are not many good ones out there.
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She's been there all the way since we got together, and vice versa. When she was in Bulgaria and I in the crisis centre she sent supporting text messages, and we called and mailed. She was in Bulgaria, but also making me feel better with what she wrote. The effects of my outburst were delayed I guess because she left immediately after for another country taking care of disabled people in a centre.

Anyway, tomorrow I'm learning my little girl to ride her bike!
 
#70
SoLongJake said:
I disagree completely, if you bottle stuff up to the point of an outburst you already missed the rational discussion train.
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I didnt say you need to go fly off the handle. Holding negative energy inside is a bad thing. If you are frustrated or slightly angry there is nothing wrong with a minor outburst, like a quick swear word
 
#71
Hopkins said:
I didnt say you need to go fly off the handle. Holding negative energy inside is a bad thing. If you are frustrated or slightly angry there is nothing wrong with a minor outburst, like a quick swear word
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It wasn't a quick sware word. I got jealous for no reason at all and made her feel she wasn't there enough in the family. That first bit was fear that had settled in my mind just a day before, not enough sleep, huge ampounts of stress and unresolved issues from my past. The second part was putting the responsibility with her, while I've never been 'there' for the kids like I wanted to be. These are things that are crystal clear to me. I've always been an emotionally distant dad, I never even played that often with my kids. Seeing her playing so much with the kids and being the best stepmom I can imagine made me feel weird. I was too closed up inside to really be the dad I wanted to be. I projected that upon her in my outburst. What I said to her was far from rational and even further from reality. Knowing her dad cheated her mom since the first day they were married made my jealousy all the more pinching for her as she's not really the type to go make someone jealous, let alone cheating.

I should have taken care of myself a long time ago and go to aftercare and let myself be able to cry and let out the piles of stress from all that hapened earlier in my life. I never did, and it has mounted to this.
 
#72
I'm going to take the next few weeks off from work. My boss is supportive, I'm lucky on that part. When I look back upon my life I can honestly say I never found any peace in anything. I was never at peace with myself. As a teenager me and my friends did the stupidest and craziest things, and I was always with them, but I was alone all the way. No one, not even my girlfriend back then could come close to me: when she tried it I felt pain and fear. Not the usual stuff like love and adventure. Everybody hurts sometimes, that I'm sure of, but suffering from PTSD, which was my diagnosis, and never having it treated, always thinking it was just 'me' and the way I was made, made my life one stressfull journey. It ends here. undoubtedly more harm may come my way, just like anyone gets his or her due, but at least I now have tools and the knowledge to not let myself be dragged down that road again.
 
#73
Sublab said:
I'm going to take the next few weeks off from work. My boss is supportive, I'm lucky on that part. When I look back upon my life I can honestly say I never found any peace in anything. I was never at peace with myself. As a teenager me and my friends did the stupidest and craziest things, and I was always with them, but I was alone all the way. No one, not even my girlfriend back then could come close to me: when she tried it I felt pain and fear. Not the usual stuff like love and adventure. Everybody hurts sometimes, that I'm sure of, but suffering from PTSD, which was my diagnosis, and never having it treated, always thinking it was just 'me' and the way I was made, made my life one stressfull journey. It ends here. undoubtedly more harm may come my way, just like anyone gets his or her due, but at least I now have tools and the knowledge to not let myself be dragged down that road again.
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Great attitude.

A short piece of writing I've found helpful is "Autobiography in Five Short Chapters" by Portia Nelson. You may find it worth reading.
 
#78
Hey sub, good work on getting to that counseling. Read your kids a story today or something like that.

Now that you're feeling a bit better, I would like to echo another post here. There's something to be said for the old song "Stand by your man". I mean, you lost control but then went to seek counseling and care. She ran away from the problem. Is she good for you if she's just going to run when things get tough? Just think about it. Weigh it with what really went down. If the exact thing happened to her, would you have left her? This is a time for finding more about yourself. Your relationship plays into that. Meditate on it. Look it in the face.

Keep on keepin on friend.
 

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