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Dating a girl with baggage

Wouldja?

  • Meh

    Votes: 37 42.5%

  • Sure

    Votes: 23 26.4%

  • Maybe

    Votes: 27 31.0%
  • Total voters
    87
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Gorn

Gorn

Inactive
Dec 15, 2011
17,698
62,684
Queens, NY
#1
She's my coworker's sister. She's pretty, smart, funny, has a job, a good sense of humor, stuff in common with me, and we get along. All good things.

The problem is her family. She's 32 and basically the breadwinner of a house with her parents and two younger sisters. The dad is in and out of the hospital with cancer. The mom is bipolar. One sister is my co worker, the other is a soon to be high school drop out and general disaster of a teenage human.

So, I don't see how I can make this happen without making her problems my problems. I'm 34 and she's 32. 32 year old girls aren't looking for something fun and casual. The biological clock is ticking. And I know from her sister that she's looking for something serious.

She's cool. We've hung out. It would be nice to be in a relationship with her...but all that baggage. It's not going away any time soon. If we become anything it's not like I can't be involved. Not if it's an all-in relationshippy relationship. I don't know. Thoughts?
 
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#2
Oh please, I dated, had adult relations, and much more with many woman with baggage. A big part of that was I was focusing on mothers; most single.

So hell yeah! BTW mothers are the best; you just have to date one to find out why.

However there was one that had one too many red flags. Single mother (no surprise there), with 3 kids, FROM 3 different guys, none married, told me she wants a 4th kid, is unemployed and collect well-fair. Oh and to top it all off she wanted to do you know what that night. Yeah...ummm...NO!
 
#4
my husband and i both have plenty of family baggage including horrible family members, history of abuse, my mother's dementia and health problems and lots, lots more. this is our 19th year together.

communication - honest communication - helped us find ways to deal with all that baggage. most people might tell their person nothing's wrong when things really are, but that's not the way to build trust or find workarounds.
 
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#6
You have always come across as observant to me Gorn so I would ask a few pointed questions to go along with my "Maybe" answer.

How does she treat the drama around her, When you two talk what is the tone and what are her solutions for dealing with the stress family can cause ( if any ). If she is overly empathetic and takes on the moods of the doom and gloom around her, in my personal experience with a partner with baggage, it will eventually end with you unable to change her situation by counseling or in deed. Been there, for 12 years, and finally washed my hands of it a bit more than a year ago.

How do you, personally interact with the sibling co-workers in both a professional setting and a personal one? Do you avoid? If so, that seems to be a fairly obvious red flag too.

The road to hell is paved with good intentions. . .
 
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#7
Gorn said:
She's my coworker's sister. She's pretty, smart, funny, has a job, a good sense of humor, stuff in common with me, and we get along. All good things.

The problem is her family. She's 32 and basically the breadwinner of a house with her parents and two younger sisters. The dad is in and out of the hospital with cancer. The mom is bipolar. One sister is my co worker, the other is a soon to be high school drop out and general disaster of a teenage human.

So, I don't see how I can make this happen without making her problems my problems. I'm 34 and she's 32. 32 year old girls aren't looking for something fun and casual. The biological clock is ticking. And I know from her sister that she's looking for something serious.

She's cool. We've hung out. It would be nice to be in a relationship with her...but all that baggage. It's not going away any time soon. If we become anything it's not like I can't be involved. Not if it's an all-in relationshippy relationship. I don't know. Thoughts?
Click to expand...
By the time we hit 30, everyone's got baggage.
If it feels right, pursue the relationship.
Good luck.
 
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#9
Aside from my first reply let me address this in pieces:

She's my coworker's sister.
Could be bad if it doesn't go well.

The problem is her family.
Nothing for nothing, but you aren't dating her family. I have my fair share of problems but it's separated from my relationship.

She's 32 and basically the breadwinner of a house with her parents and two younger sisters. The dad is in and out of the hospital with cancer. The mom is bipolar. One sister is my co worker, the other is a soon to be high school drop out and general disaster of a teenage human.
So....you are in the show "Shameless"?

So, I don't see how I can make this happen without making her problems my problems.
You would be dating her, not marrying her. But then again, if you have to ask a forum, just don't do it!

I'm 34 and she's 32. 32 year old girls aren't looking for something fun and casual. The biological clock is ticking. And I know from her sister that she's looking for something serious.
So if you are not serious and again need to ask a forum I say don't do it!

She's cool. We've hung out. It would be nice to be in a relationship with her...but all that baggage. It's not going away any time soon. If we become anything it's not like I can't be involved. Not if it's an all-in relationshippy relationship. I don't know. Thoughts?
Again, if you have to ask a forum, don't do it!
 
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#10
@Gorn, if I looked like you I would take what I could get (that is you in your avatar isn't it? ;) )

Seriously though, if the person is right, it just feels right, no matter what the surroundings are. I can tell you from nearly 20 years of experience. Sometimes it really gets tiring, but if the person is (really) the right one, that completely makes up for it and you will make your way through life day by day. If you get to the point where you feel that you just can't anymore, then that is not "the" one.
 
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#12
Gorn said:
She's my coworker's sister. She's pretty, smart, funny, has a job, a good sense of humor, stuff in common with me, and we get along. All good things.

The problem is her family. She's 32 and basically the breadwinner of a house with her parents and two younger sisters. The dad is in and out of the hospital with cancer. The mom is bipolar. One sister is my co worker, the other is a soon to be high school drop out and general disaster of a teenage human.

So, I don't see how I can make this happen without making her problems my problems. I'm 34 and she's 32. 32 year old girls aren't looking for something fun and casual. The biological clock is ticking. And I know from her sister that she's looking for something serious.

She's cool. We've hung out. It would be nice to be in a relationship with her...but all that baggage. It's not going away any time soon. If we become anything it's not like I can't be involved. Not if it's an all-in relationshippy relationship. I don't know. Thoughts?
Click to expand...
Yikes, if you do go on you can be assured there will be lots of drama. I think you already know the best thing to do. Just ask yourself "Is she worth it?"
Too bad, she sounds great away from her family. Would she be willing to re-locate somewhere very far from her family? Maybe another planet? :)
 
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