Dealing With A Would-Be BL

[interp]

My take on this is that G has never learned the meaning of the old adage "Perfect is the enemy of good" and probably never will.

In the situation you describe, I would walk.

 

[-Asdfgh-]

It was said of legendary bluesman Lightning Hopkins that he simply could never constrain himself to a traditional 12-bar (or any...) form, much to the consternation of his sidemen.
Famous quote: "Lightnin' change when Lightnin' want to change..."
One takeaway is: You've heard of Lightning Hopkins. The sidemen, not so much.

G's not getting his way and is acting out in maybe the only way he knows how.
This _could_ be a teachable moment if you can get him to acknowledge that he did not achieve his desired result.
Experience can be learned. "Experience comes from bad judgment." Ego is necessary, but pig-headedness is toxic.
G has probably never had to follow a fixed form or lead sheet. IMO, he'll need to learn this skill, which I consider essential for working well with others.

In my mind, there are multiple, separate roles, some of which can be performed by the same people.
1) Songwriter. (At some point, you must accept that the song is done and stop changing it, except to accommodate the arrangement).
2) Arranger - Decide song form -- 'A' sections, 'B' sections, Bridge... What instruments play what, when. When you have decided on an arrangement, this job is over.
3) Musical Director / Producer -- What the instruments should sound like, "feel" of the song.
4) Performers - interpret the song as it has been formed by 1-3.
5) The Business Side. Bookings and such. Until you have a product, this role is just generalized planning at best.

Until you can establish who is doing what and -- important point -- When That Task Is Done -- you don't have a foundation for performance recordings.
IMO, it's always desirable to record every rehearsal, even though I don't always do it.

To me, it sounds like your Songwriter wants to jump ahead to Producer but doesn't have the skills or the vocabulary.
Nor the maturity that comes of confidence that the song is DONE and stop changing it.

My takeaways are also what a pain in the ass Hopkins was and how proficient and saintly those side men must have been. It might be the saintly disposition that means they didn't make it in the own right.

 

[Pumpkin]

All,

Thanks for the input so far. I spoke with D and G yesterday, and it was mixed. Neither up and quit, but it also became very clear that one of the areas this band has been lacking in has been a "standards and practices" type agreement for what will and won't fly and what expectations are. Kicking myself because usually I'm the one to bring that stuff up. D and I agree that it really comes down to agreeing to terms so that our time is respected and we aren't getting pushed around all day, and D sent out an email to that effect last night. So far, no response from G. When I spoke with him on the phone yesterday he had plenty of excuses for himself, but none that actually held water (if you can't hear yourself, take the time for proper soundcheck, nobody will mind; if the recording is throwing you off, communicate a change or focus up and muscle through (preferably the latter); if you don't like the arrangement we agreed to play at least get it down on tape once so we can review before you start messing around with it; if you want changes, give them in a detailed fashion so we can execute). D was understandably miffed at the situation, but we're still on good terms, so that door may swing open again in the future.

It looks more like a fizzle out than an explosion and that's a relief for my psyche. Silver linings

 

[fhm555]

The best education i ever got on how to commnicate on stage, and developing my ear came from playing with an old school blues man who would book jobs then get on the phone and round up a band. Willie was a true blues man and his music was a direct reflection of his mood at the time he was playing. There was never any set structure to his songs in a sense of I IV V. He was of the old "lighting change when lighting wanna change" school so you had to learn to read his tells for chord changes and where he was going, and the mood i mentioned dictated the tempo and sometimes the key he would do a particular song in. There were two kinds of players in his world, the quick and the ones who never got called again. My time in that situation made me a better group player than any lessons i could have taken in the same time span.