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Dealing with The Band Killer

#41
MysticMichael said:
If these other guys can't already see that he's TBK - and especially if they can see it but are in denial - then whether you stay or you leave is ultimately a moot point. Because either way that band is doomed... :rollno:

MM
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Yeah. I'm at a loss for words at this point.

Sometimes Rome has to burn, I suppose. Some people just want to destroy anything good in their lives.
 
#42
Phantasm said:
Is that what everyone else wants?

What tactics are you using to get there?

Are you making a list of things that everyone else needs to do, or are you assuming a lot of the responsibility?

Who's paying for it? (PA, Lights, Upgrades, etc.)


To make it easier, if you're doing a lot of talking and not a lot of doing, you could be TBK.
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I help push the song selections in the direction the better bands are playing. I download all the tunes and distribute them for rehearsal. I communicate which songs will be worked on at rehearsal. I write and print the setlist for every gig.

I bought and and upgrading the lights and have contributed pieces I own for the PA (Singer/bandleader owns most of the PA)

I do all the website/graphic work.

I guess I am in the clear , I am doing most of the doing to go along with my talking... but sometimes the feeling is if I did nothing..it wouldn't get done.
 
#43
troy mcclure said:
I help push the song selections in the direction the better bands are playing. I download all the tunes and distribute them for rehearsal. I communicate which songs will be worked on at rehearsal. I write and print the setlist for every gig.

I bought and and upgrading the lights and have contributed pieces I own for the PA (Singer/bandleader owns most of the PA)

I do all the website/graphic work.

I guess I am in the clear , I am doing most of the doing to go along with my talking... but sometimes the feeling is if I did nothing..it wouldn't get done.
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If nobody objects, it sounds more like you're a leader to me.
 
#44
Phantasm said:
An update...



This week I've had a peridontal abscess all week long, and I didn't know it. My dentist didn't diagnose it on Monday and I was already in serious pain then.
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I suggest you find a new dentist; better yet, an endodontist: someone who deals with this stuff every day, all day.

If an infection gets into your blood, you're pretty much done. 50/50 chance you'll make it.
 
#45
Stumbo said:
I suggest you find a new dentist; better yet, an endodontist: someone who deals with this stuff every day, all day.

If an infection gets into your blood, you're pretty much done. 50/50 chance you'll make it.
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You are 100% correct. I'm already moving in this direction. The infection scares me a lot, the fact that my dentist glossed over it and dismissed it is even worse.
 
#46
My drummer is pretty much a gig whore, but is still somewhat selective according to the simple equation:

If (fun + cash > effort/pain) then do the gig.

i.e. he'll play for free if it's really fun or he'll do a horrible gig with jerks for a lot of $$$. he won't generally rehearse for 12 weeks for a crappy non-paying gig.

For some, there could be additional terms like "opportunity (to learn or to be seen, for example)" on the left side of the equation.
 
#47
This guy wants to not apologize, not talk to you AND not setup!!!!!! If that isnt a joke and your other band members even considered that for a second then you need to get away from them as much as from this guy. Being in a band is hard enough work without some a**hole around that thinks he is too good to do his fair share. The onlt thing worse than that a**hole are the guys who let him get away with it. Get the hell out of there and consider it a lesson learned. By the way, BIG PROPS for showing up to your gig swith a potentially life threatening infection. If the guys in your band cant appreciate that....

"Good judgement comes from experience but most experience comes from bad judgement."
 
#49
singlemalt said:
Phantasm, they are going to miss you, your amazingly supportive wife, and that trailer full of gear.

Thanks for the great posts, they were a pleasure to read.
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Just realized I never followed this up...

They now make about $40-$80 each per show after paying for PA rental and lights. They're limping along but the payouts have been declining. They don't have a permanent drummer and other members are starting to quit.

We were making $100-$300 prior to the split.
 
#56
Phantasm said:
Well, my son was born and I had decided to spend some time on the sideline with him. It's 2012 now and I'm beginning to talk to people who have made offers about the future.
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Hey, just wanted to thank you for your post and everybody else for their suggestions. I am going through a TBK "s*ituation" with my band and started searching on TB for some advice... and since I am about to become a dad by the end of March, I guess I will hang in there a little longer and leave the band because my boy comes first and the thing is definitely not worth fighting for. I guess that calling some time off because of my first born is a very respectable reason to leave the band as gentleman.

Good luck on your new projects!!!
 
#57
I quit a band last year after being with them for over four years b/c I was having to deal with a lot of those same issues the OP is talking about. Not just one person though. But I was definitely all for moving to the next level, but I wasn't the only one interested in that. I didn't quit so the project would stop or anything, but it did.
 

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