WARNING !!! THIS THREAD MAY BE TOO MUCH OF AN EMO-TEENAGER RANT . DONT READ IT IF THAT ISNT YOUR KINDA THING . ON THE OTHER HAND IF YOU ARE A SADIST , OR LIKE ACTING DRAMATIC IN EMOTIONALLY CHALLENGING SITUATIONS , BE MY GUEST....
NOTE : A LOT OF THIS THREAD WAS MADE IN GOOD HUMOR . ALTHOUGH ALL OF IT IS TRUE , I JUST WASNT THAT SERIOUS WHEN I WAS WRITING IT . So please mind....
Well , now that's done.......lets start the story...
First off , the thread topic is kinda misleading . I'm not in as bad of a state as it would seem from the title . I'm not sucidal , dont have an abusive father and dont take drugs , etc. I feel it's easier to list off some points ;
Good things -
1 I'm 19.5 years old...
2 Am graduating in 5 months---woohoo !!
3 Got my parents to agree upon and help me pursue my career of choice --- Animation . That may not seem that great , but in a country like mine , where everything is about mugging up , scoring marks , getting into IT Engg. , following the herd , etc. etc. , it's a fantastic thing .
4 On lines of the above points, I got great parents . Very supportive , even inspite of the fact that their dufus son isnt that great.....actually not great AT ALL in studies and spends too much time wasting on bass , animation , watching anime , and so on....
5 Survived the worse tides of teenage psycological attacks (peer pressure and everything else) . 5 years into it , non-smoker,non-drinker,non-doper, even though I've hung out with some of the WORST people .
Ok now you have a general idea of what my overly-perfect life is like.....if you arent bored enough by this point , then here comes the emo part....
Bad things -
1 Social Life - ..............I dont have any . Seriously . There are 2 people I can call up on a regular basis and bore them about different kinds of crap they find funny . I know about 6 more people I can call at some time to talk about general stuff........thats about it...
It's not like I'm an introvert and dont like people . It's just that.....I dont have many channels of communication .
2 Sense of purposelessness - Even though I'm pretty dedicated to my task of animation , since my mind is incapable to restricting itself to a drone form of work , it wanders and gather weird thoughts about screwing up in life and whether my decisions on the entire matter were wrong and yadda yadda . It comes with living with the herd I guess . When everyone arund you is sheep , you something do kinda feel......stuffled....and sometimes even lose confidence and hope in yourself and your individuality .
and lastly.....oh yes....you knew this was coming....
3 Girls
No . Seriously .
I havent had a girlfriend to date . None . Nadda . Zilch . I guess I shouldnt feel too bad , since it is largely my fault and incapability .
It's not that I cant talk to girls . It's not that I'm shy or anything . I dont have moments of fear or freaking out when im in front of them anytime . I'm pretty confident , smart , funny ,etc. etc. at any moment I need to gather up my wits for a situation that demands it.....
But...
I kinda always got the feeling that the girls I usually see around are kinda.....flakes . I mean they are ordinary . They enjoy talking about normal topics such as bollywood movies and songs airing on TV and those kinda thing . There is no interest of things beyond a mass appeal . Conversations are reduced to small banters about daily occurences and such . I guess this kinda thing doesnt change even in different parts of the planet .
For me it was just like , I just wanted someone with whome I could discuss something like Ayn Rand's philosophy . Go watch some cool art/indie films with . Talk about rather deep socio-psycological and philosophical topics , and just the general hang out thing you know .
Right now , I kinda feel like I missed the boat somewhere .
After the recent gigs that have been happening and the people overload that I've been having recently , I REALLY feel like I was wrong all the time . Usually I dont go out much , and in the past 2-3 months , it's REALLY been reduced . But the past week has been kinda like that due to the gigs and such , and I kinda....feel that slight twinge everytime I see a part of the life I missed or have given up on , like the groups hanging out at the malls having fun , or the odd couple around where the girl is playfully slapping the guys shoulder or something like that .
I kinda convinced myself that this is what I had chosen . That I was somehow more powerfull for coming to my decision with myself . That I wouldnt be wasting my time in idleness and ignorance , and all that stuff that follows .
But right now I'm kinda bummed out , because I kinda feel that......I mean is it wrong to want someone special to you whose watching you on the stage when your sweating it out there ?? thats what I just realized . In the end I think I came to a self realization with my self in the recent days that I kinda do feel alone sometimes .
And it's not like I couldnt find the right people . Its just that , they werent too interested . After years of friendship and commiment to trying to make them happy , when you realize that your still being treated like dead fish....
Anyways , I've babbled for long enough . Lets see what the TB timewasters cook up in replies for this thread .
NOTE : A LOT OF THIS THREAD WAS MADE IN GOOD HUMOR . ALTHOUGH ALL OF IT IS TRUE , I JUST WASNT THAT SERIOUS WHEN I WAS WRITING IT . So please mind....
Well , now that's done.......lets start the story...
First off , the thread topic is kinda misleading . I'm not in as bad of a state as it would seem from the title . I'm not sucidal , dont have an abusive father and dont take drugs , etc. I feel it's easier to list off some points ;
Good things -
1 I'm 19.5 years old...
2 Am graduating in 5 months---woohoo !!
3 Got my parents to agree upon and help me pursue my career of choice --- Animation . That may not seem that great , but in a country like mine , where everything is about mugging up , scoring marks , getting into IT Engg. , following the herd , etc. etc. , it's a fantastic thing .
4 On lines of the above points, I got great parents . Very supportive , even inspite of the fact that their dufus son isnt that great.....actually not great AT ALL in studies and spends too much time wasting on bass , animation , watching anime , and so on....
5 Survived the worse tides of teenage psycological attacks (peer pressure and everything else) . 5 years into it , non-smoker,non-drinker,non-doper, even though I've hung out with some of the WORST people .
Ok now you have a general idea of what my overly-perfect life is like.....if you arent bored enough by this point , then here comes the emo part....
Bad things -
1 Social Life - ..............I dont have any . Seriously . There are 2 people I can call up on a regular basis and bore them about different kinds of crap they find funny . I know about 6 more people I can call at some time to talk about general stuff........thats about it...
It's not like I'm an introvert and dont like people . It's just that.....I dont have many channels of communication .
2 Sense of purposelessness - Even though I'm pretty dedicated to my task of animation , since my mind is incapable to restricting itself to a drone form of work , it wanders and gather weird thoughts about screwing up in life and whether my decisions on the entire matter were wrong and yadda yadda . It comes with living with the herd I guess . When everyone arund you is sheep , you something do kinda feel......stuffled....and sometimes even lose confidence and hope in yourself and your individuality .
and lastly.....oh yes....you knew this was coming....
3 Girls
No . Seriously .
I havent had a girlfriend to date . None . Nadda . Zilch . I guess I shouldnt feel too bad , since it is largely my fault and incapability .
It's not that I cant talk to girls . It's not that I'm shy or anything . I dont have moments of fear or freaking out when im in front of them anytime . I'm pretty confident , smart , funny ,etc. etc. at any moment I need to gather up my wits for a situation that demands it.....
But...
I kinda always got the feeling that the girls I usually see around are kinda.....flakes . I mean they are ordinary . They enjoy talking about normal topics such as bollywood movies and songs airing on TV and those kinda thing . There is no interest of things beyond a mass appeal . Conversations are reduced to small banters about daily occurences and such . I guess this kinda thing doesnt change even in different parts of the planet .
For me it was just like , I just wanted someone with whome I could discuss something like Ayn Rand's philosophy . Go watch some cool art/indie films with . Talk about rather deep socio-psycological and philosophical topics , and just the general hang out thing you know .
Right now , I kinda feel like I missed the boat somewhere .
After the recent gigs that have been happening and the people overload that I've been having recently , I REALLY feel like I was wrong all the time . Usually I dont go out much , and in the past 2-3 months , it's REALLY been reduced . But the past week has been kinda like that due to the gigs and such , and I kinda....feel that slight twinge everytime I see a part of the life I missed or have given up on , like the groups hanging out at the malls having fun , or the odd couple around where the girl is playfully slapping the guys shoulder or something like that .
I kinda convinced myself that this is what I had chosen . That I was somehow more powerfull for coming to my decision with myself . That I wouldnt be wasting my time in idleness and ignorance , and all that stuff that follows .
But right now I'm kinda bummed out , because I kinda feel that......I mean is it wrong to want someone special to you whose watching you on the stage when your sweating it out there ?? thats what I just realized . In the end I think I came to a self realization with my self in the recent days that I kinda do feel alone sometimes .
And it's not like I couldnt find the right people . Its just that , they werent too interested . After years of friendship and commiment to trying to make them happy , when you realize that your still being treated like dead fish....
Anyways , I've babbled for long enough . Lets see what the TB timewasters cook up in replies for this thread .
