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Do Married People Have "the One that Got Away"?
- Thread starter 48thStreetCustom
- Start date
My opinion, is that, "The One That Got Away," is a sobriquet for either a lost love that the narrator knows they messed up or a relationship that never actually existed, but the narrator believes would have been perfect for them.
Mike
Mike
Probably most people have a, "one that got away."
I don't really believe that there's somebody perfect for me that's waiting for some guy that's exactly like me to come along - knowing how eccentric and oddly specific I can be with some of my interests, that would be unfair to anybody, and I think that's kind of toxic and unhealthy in terms of one's expectations of love interests (in this case women specifically) and in terms of expectations out of life. We can all be imperfect, it'd be impossible to expect somebody else to not only not be imperfect but also be able to just mesh with our own imperfections perfectly. You've just got to find somebody you mesh with and go through the steps of learning them and then learning how to compromise with them - but like, ideally it's a two-way street.
But yeah, I'm sure that at least *some* married people have a, "one that got away."
I don't really believe that there's somebody perfect for me that's waiting for some guy that's exactly like me to come along - knowing how eccentric and oddly specific I can be with some of my interests, that would be unfair to anybody, and I think that's kind of toxic and unhealthy in terms of one's expectations of love interests (in this case women specifically) and in terms of expectations out of life. We can all be imperfect, it'd be impossible to expect somebody else to not only not be imperfect but also be able to just mesh with our own imperfections perfectly. You've just got to find somebody you mesh with and go through the steps of learning them and then learning how to compromise with them - but like, ideally it's a two-way street.
But yeah, I'm sure that at least *some* married people have a, "one that got away."
I'm married. I have ones that got away. I love my wife. We're a good team. We put in the work in a fair fashion to maintain our relationship. I do sometimes wonder how my life would be different if one of "the ones" didn't get away.
Actually, it was because one of the ones got away that I ended up meeting my wife.
My brother said it well at one point. "It's not about finding *the* one it's about finding someone who's **** you're willing to put up with."
Actually, it was because one of the ones got away that I ended up meeting my wife.
My brother said it well at one point. "It's not about finding *the* one it's about finding someone who's **** you're willing to put up with."
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buldog5151bass
Kibble, milkbones, and P Basses. And redheads.
You will ever know. The only thing I know is that for 29 years, I've been with a woman with whom I want to spend the rest of my life with.
^this^
Especially learning how to compromise. My experience is limited in serious personal interaction, I've only been in two LTRs that weren't professional in nature. The first ended because she refused to compromise and the second one is still thriving after 28 years because we are both willing to give and take as needed to insure domestic tranquility and mutual satisfaction. TBH I'm kind of selfish, I hope I die first because I can't imagine life without her.
My wife will never read this. So I'm not pandering.
My wife is the one that ALMOST got away. But, somehow, I managed to keep her in my life.
For a musician, it's a storybook kind of tale. I was playing a show. All the way in the back of the room there was this woman. She was surrounded by women who were "all done up" with jewelry and makeup and fancy clothes. She was rocking blue jeans and a Mountain Dew T shirt....both of which looked as if they were tailored for her.
It was NOT love at first sight. It was something way deeper than that. I knew from that very moment that woman was going to be a huge part of the story of my life. I literally knew that my history had changed in that instant. I was at a crossroads that I never saw coming. And I was going whatever direction she was going no matter what.
The first time I asked her out, her response was (and I quote) "Um...... You're kind of perdy to look at, but musicians? Yuck!"
Yep. Shot down HARD! Crash and burn. Abort! Abort! Mission failure! Retreat!
For the next few months made it my mission to find out more about her, and to find myself at all the places where she hung out. I managed to get myself seated at her table of friends pretty often. Her friends told me there was NO CHANCE she was going to go out with me.
I was dating someone else. In fact, we all but lived together. (I had stuff at her place and she had stuff at my place. We stayed at each other's places most nights.) I broke up with her pretty quickly. It was a shock to her and all of our friends. Nobody saw that coming.
But I had to free myself up to try to get my soul mate to actually BE my soul mate.
The more time I spent around her, the more I knew she was the mother of my children and my best friend. Only SHE didn't know it.
It took weeks to get her to agree to go out with me. And even then we had to hang out with some other people.
Then one night I just asked her to go for a walk with me. We could walk anywhere she wanted. We wound up walking right downtown in our little college town. That's when we kind of "got to know each other". That's when her walls came down. We were engaged only a few months later....married and had a baby on the way in about a year.
I count myself among the fortunate to have found her. I can honestly say that if I had never convinced her to go out with me, the answer to OP's question today would he a resounding YES. She would have been the one that got away.
But, in my case, the one that got away didn't get away.
Next week our older daughter turns 13 amd the younger one is 10. We live an (albeit busy) amazing life. I wouldn't want to live it with anyone else. Period. If something were to happen to her, I would be single for the rest of my life. Period.
My wife is the one that ALMOST got away. But, somehow, I managed to keep her in my life.
For a musician, it's a storybook kind of tale. I was playing a show. All the way in the back of the room there was this woman. She was surrounded by women who were "all done up" with jewelry and makeup and fancy clothes. She was rocking blue jeans and a Mountain Dew T shirt....both of which looked as if they were tailored for her.
It was NOT love at first sight. It was something way deeper than that. I knew from that very moment that woman was going to be a huge part of the story of my life. I literally knew that my history had changed in that instant. I was at a crossroads that I never saw coming. And I was going whatever direction she was going no matter what.
The first time I asked her out, her response was (and I quote) "Um...... You're kind of perdy to look at, but musicians? Yuck!"
Yep. Shot down HARD! Crash and burn. Abort! Abort! Mission failure! Retreat!
For the next few months made it my mission to find out more about her, and to find myself at all the places where she hung out. I managed to get myself seated at her table of friends pretty often. Her friends told me there was NO CHANCE she was going to go out with me.
I was dating someone else. In fact, we all but lived together. (I had stuff at her place and she had stuff at my place. We stayed at each other's places most nights.) I broke up with her pretty quickly. It was a shock to her and all of our friends. Nobody saw that coming.
But I had to free myself up to try to get my soul mate to actually BE my soul mate.
The more time I spent around her, the more I knew she was the mother of my children and my best friend. Only SHE didn't know it.
It took weeks to get her to agree to go out with me. And even then we had to hang out with some other people.
Then one night I just asked her to go for a walk with me. We could walk anywhere she wanted. We wound up walking right downtown in our little college town. That's when we kind of "got to know each other". That's when her walls came down. We were engaged only a few months later....married and had a baby on the way in about a year.
I count myself among the fortunate to have found her. I can honestly say that if I had never convinced her to go out with me, the answer to OP's question today would he a resounding YES. She would have been the one that got away.
But, in my case, the one that got away didn't get away.
Next week our older daughter turns 13 amd the younger one is 10. We live an (albeit busy) amazing life. I wouldn't want to live it with anyone else. Period. If something were to happen to her, I would be single for the rest of my life. Period.
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Huh. Never thought about it that way. Going off @Michael Jewels ' reply, I guess that would mean somebody out there has an internal narrative where my wife (or I, I suppose) is their "one who got away." I have no particular reason to think we actually are. But I guess I have no particular reason to say we're not. If anyone out there is talking about either of us that way, they haven't told us!
But the topic reminds me of something a pastor said in a sermon a while back; "everyone marries the 'wrong' person." There's no such thing as "Mister Right." People don't belong together because they're magically matched by fate, we're all flawed and limited and will muck up any relationship. It's just when you're able to face that and deal with it and stick with each other anyway that you can build a marriage that lasts past the euphoria of young bliss.
But the topic reminds me of something a pastor said in a sermon a while back; "everyone marries the 'wrong' person." There's no such thing as "Mister Right." People don't belong together because they're magically matched by fate, we're all flawed and limited and will muck up any relationship. It's just when you're able to face that and deal with it and stick with each other anyway that you can build a marriage that lasts past the euphoria of young bliss.
Gaolee
Official leathers tester and crash dummy
Kinda. There were a couple that I still think about from before I met my wife. There have been a few who came along since who got my attention and who were clearly interested in me for some reason. Nothing happened with the women I met after I met my wife, but the potential was certainly there. I suppose it is a common thing. Some give in to it, some don't.
I don't think of any of them as the one who got away, just as roads not taken.
I don't think of any of them as the one who got away, just as roads not taken.
Nobody got away except me. I've probably had two that I've had some regrets about but, in retrospect, things just wouldn't have worked out and I knew that instinctively, which is why I left both of those relationships.
One was a musical match made in heaven, but I was very, very young and he was a bit older and not all that capable of doing a whole lot more than music. We got along very well, but I was too young to settle down. We were lifelong friends after the breakup, I worked closely with him for many years after that, but the idea of getting back together as a couple never really came up.
The bigger heartbreak was a guy I met afterwards who I spent two years with; we got along really well, never fought, had similar interests and adventurous spirits and so on. I really believed for many years that he was "the one" but he had an emotional disconnect and just didn't seem to value what we had in the same way I did. He eventually took a job in another city and we split up; I'd originally planned to go there with him but it became clear that he wasn't really able to make a strong commitment, and I backed out.
For years I questioned that decision. We both married other people (although he'd not been ready for anything like that when we were together, he quickly married the next one that came along) and lost touch with each other. Through the magic of the internet we found each other again and struck up a friendship, chatting and occasionally talking on the phone. It became very clear with the benefit of hindsight that he was just emotionally checked out in every single way and not really capable of the deeper connection I'd thought I needed. He was firmly loyal to his family, but it was out of a sense of duty, not a sense of connection. Ironically, he wanted an affair, which I had no interest in, so that was pretty much that. Last time I heard from him he was separated from his wife but living in the same house with no plans to divorce due to financial considerations, and having a superficial relationship with someone else from his past on the side, which seemed uniquely non-threatening to his sense of entitlement.
Dodged a big bullet with that one; sad story because in some ways we had seemed perfect for each other, but he had something profoundly missing from his soul that he apparently never really found.
So, I don't really believe in soulmates or anything like that, though I used to. Marriage is a challenge and sometimes it goes a little wonky and makes you believe the grass might be greener elsewhere, but the grass is pretty much the same color no matter where I've looked.
One was a musical match made in heaven, but I was very, very young and he was a bit older and not all that capable of doing a whole lot more than music. We got along very well, but I was too young to settle down. We were lifelong friends after the breakup, I worked closely with him for many years after that, but the idea of getting back together as a couple never really came up.
The bigger heartbreak was a guy I met afterwards who I spent two years with; we got along really well, never fought, had similar interests and adventurous spirits and so on. I really believed for many years that he was "the one" but he had an emotional disconnect and just didn't seem to value what we had in the same way I did. He eventually took a job in another city and we split up; I'd originally planned to go there with him but it became clear that he wasn't really able to make a strong commitment, and I backed out.
For years I questioned that decision. We both married other people (although he'd not been ready for anything like that when we were together, he quickly married the next one that came along) and lost touch with each other. Through the magic of the internet we found each other again and struck up a friendship, chatting and occasionally talking on the phone. It became very clear with the benefit of hindsight that he was just emotionally checked out in every single way and not really capable of the deeper connection I'd thought I needed. He was firmly loyal to his family, but it was out of a sense of duty, not a sense of connection. Ironically, he wanted an affair, which I had no interest in, so that was pretty much that. Last time I heard from him he was separated from his wife but living in the same house with no plans to divorce due to financial considerations, and having a superficial relationship with someone else from his past on the side, which seemed uniquely non-threatening to his sense of entitlement.
Dodged a big bullet with that one; sad story because in some ways we had seemed perfect for each other, but he had something profoundly missing from his soul that he apparently never really found.
So, I don't really believe in soulmates or anything like that, though I used to. Marriage is a challenge and sometimes it goes a little wonky and makes you believe the grass might be greener elsewhere, but the grass is pretty much the same color no matter where I've looked.
Funny, but my wife and I had this same conversation about a month ago while watching a Hallmark movie with the usual storyline of someone who goes back to their hometown after so many years and runs into their ex, where they realize they never stopped loving each other despite each moving on with their lives.
We've been married 35 years and were reminiscing about how back in '86 the circumstances lined up perfectly for us to meet, get to know each other, then get married. And we talked about the things that possibly could have occurred (but thankfully didn't) that would have changed that outcome forever. But the one question we both answered immediately was if there's 'one that got away'. Unequivocally NO! I told her that if we hadn't worked out, then she would have been the one that got away.
I've made some mistakes in life and shoulda/coulda/woulda done a few things differently, but I remind her often that if there was one thing in my life that I did right, it was marrying her. And I'm grateful for each and every day we have together.
We've been married 35 years and were reminiscing about how back in '86 the circumstances lined up perfectly for us to meet, get to know each other, then get married. And we talked about the things that possibly could have occurred (but thankfully didn't) that would have changed that outcome forever. But the one question we both answered immediately was if there's 'one that got away'. Unequivocally NO! I told her that if we hadn't worked out, then she would have been the one that got away.
I've made some mistakes in life and shoulda/coulda/woulda done a few things differently, but I remind her often that if there was one thing in my life that I did right, it was marrying her. And I'm grateful for each and every day we have together.
Sometimes the "one that got away" also qualifies as a "dodged bullet." 
Better to live in the "here and now," for which, I am immensely thankful.
Better to live in the "here and now," for which, I am immensely thankful.
buldog5151bass
Kibble, milkbones, and P Basses. And redheads.
I married my high school sweetheart four years after we graduated. Still happily married today so I would say she did not get away. We recently celebrate 50 years of dating and marriage together. Believe me, we count our blessings everyday.
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Just wondering, is it normal that the ones who get away file restraining orders?
Well, there was someone that I still think about and wonder about that alternate universe where we stayed together. However, careful thinking tells me it would have not gone well.
I'm married 32 years to the one that didn't get away.
I'm married 32 years to the one that didn't get away.
I've never really thought that any of my ex's were "ones that got away." At the time things may have seemed good but we broke up for whatever reason. And to be honest it was about 80/20 that they dumped me.
I met my wife through a girl I was dating long ago. Saw her at a few mutual parties over a couple years and we started talking at one of those random meetups. Started dating, 3 months later engaged, and just celebrated our 32 anniversary.
We came from very different family structures, so the only work we had to put in was adapting how we were going to make our relationship and family work. It's all good.
With the exception of one ex, I hope the rest are doing ok wherever they are. And I highly doubt any of them think I'm the "one that got away."
I met my wife through a girl I was dating long ago. Saw her at a few mutual parties over a couple years and we started talking at one of those random meetups. Started dating, 3 months later engaged, and just celebrated our 32 anniversary.
We came from very different family structures, so the only work we had to put in was adapting how we were going to make our relationship and family work. It's all good.
With the exception of one ex, I hope the rest are doing ok wherever they are. And I highly doubt any of them think I'm the "one that got away."
