Enjoy the benefits of a premium membership!
Upgrade Account
-
TalkBass has been independent since 1998. Add your voice.
Create a free account to reply to discussions, view embedded media, and browse with fewer display ads.
Join free Log in
Want zero display ads or expanded classifieds tools? Compare plans.
Do you consider your bandmates as friends?
- Thread starter BassAndReeds
- Start date
-
- Tags
- friends
I keep my bandmates like I do my enemies. At arms length but I always keep my eye on them. We constantly try and upstage and out play each other. We go into the studio seperately and always schedule a 24 hour buffer to eliminate any chance of an accidental meeting. F*** those guys.
HA! I must be your evil twin from a parallel universe. I feel life is too short to try to be friends with everyone I meet. I'm OK with acquaintances and associates.In my tiny little universe, Bandmates have to be friends. In fact EVERYONE I interact with with any regularity is a friend. Life is too short to putz around with 'acquaintances' and 'associates'... (Let alone ENEMIES)
It doesn't mean you can't be nice and socially interact though.To the OP, go to the party. Smile and shake hands. Enjoy the free food and drinks. The person is your bandmate after all. Who knows this could be a step beyond just being associates. Either way it makes you look good and makes him look good to his peers. So it's a win win.
How chummy do you have to be to make an appearance at a birthday party? I say, even if your personal comfort zone has you feeling that icky about it, make the effort anyway.
That largely sums it up for almost every band I've ever been in. There have been exceptions, but by and large the people I end up playing music with aren't people I'd really want to hang with outside of that for a variety of reasons...Largely because what I want to do in my downtime is different than what they want to do.
For a lot of these folks it's party, party, party whether you are playing or not, and if Im not playing I like to spend my time more constructively.
Last edited:
After 8 years giggin,rehearsing,going to parties and shows.. me and my bandmates are almost brothers...
- Feb 26, 2011
- 143
- 112
- 51
- Disclosures
- Endorsing Artist: Pyramid Strings
I'm pretty good friends with my original band (though, there has been a major lost in trust with one of them, due to his more than flirtatious nature with my girlfriends of the past).
but, in other bands I've been in, it's been a mixture of being friendly with them, but not true friends. Plus there are times that I'm just not very fond of them as people, but, I'll still work with them.
but, in other bands I've been in, it's been a mixture of being friendly with them, but not true friends. Plus there are times that I'm just not very fond of them as people, but, I'll still work with them.
I was just counting up the amount of people I've played with this morning...either in bands, or once-off shows, or sessions...
I make it about 150 people (started in 1981, took a 20-something year break, came back about 5 years ago).
Out of that, I have once very close friend, a few more a bit distant, and the majority have just been casual acquaintances (although I've shared some great times with many) ... ohh, and a few I'd have to restrain myself from killing if I saw them again.
I'm obviously not a social animal.
As for feeling obligated to attend a birthday party...unless the band is planning on playing a few tunes at it or something, in your place I'd just politely make my excuses and decline.
I make it about 150 people (started in 1981, took a 20-something year break, came back about 5 years ago).
Out of that, I have once very close friend, a few more a bit distant, and the majority have just been casual acquaintances (although I've shared some great times with many) ... ohh, and a few I'd have to restrain myself from killing if I saw them again.
I'm obviously not a social animal.
As for feeling obligated to attend a birthday party...unless the band is planning on playing a few tunes at it or something, in your place I'd just politely make my excuses and decline.
Yeah we've all been friends for a long time. We don't hang out as much as we used to outside of band days because we've all moved since the early years and now we're pretty spread out as far as 90 miles apart along I-95 here in NC but yeah I consider my bandmates my best friends and whenever we have the opportunity we do get together for backyard cookouts and we normally always go out to eat together and cut up when we have gigs. We all talk on FB messenger everyday and it's often joking around and stuff thats not band related at all. Josh our Guitar player was actually my best man in my wedding. We've been friends since high school and playing music together for More than 20 years now. We were even roommates for several years when we were in our 20s. Went to the same high school and would practice at each others parents houses when we were kids and we're 36 and 37 now. Brent our singer i met around 2001 when our bands started playing shows together and around 2003 he replaced the original singer in Nephilym. We hit it off well and have been friends since. He was a groomsmen in my wedding. Will, our drummer I also met through the scene. He was playing drums with another local band we played a lot of gigs with back around 04-06 and at one point he and I played together in a short lived side project with some drama queen guitar players. When Nephilyms previous drummer left because he didn't have the availability to be as active as we wanted there was really no question who we wanted to play drums, no auditions or anything. We all knew he could play and he already got along great with everyone. We're all kind of like brothers in a way. Sure we've had our arguments over the years but I talk and hangout with my bandmates more than my own brothers.
This is a pic of my first band with Josh the same guitarist I've played with in my main bands, and I in the back seat. We were maybe 16 or 17 here.
Left to right Brent, Me, and Josh At my wedding, I was 30 here
More recent at a gig left to right
Josh, Brent, Will, and me
I honestly don't know how people play in bands without being friends. I can't really see myself being in a band with anyone else at this point.
This is a pic of my first band with Josh the same guitarist I've played with in my main bands, and I in the back seat. We were maybe 16 or 17 here.
Left to right Brent, Me, and Josh At my wedding, I was 30 here
Josh, Brent, Will, and me
I honestly don't know how people play in bands without being friends. I can't really see myself being in a band with anyone else at this point.
Last edited:
The singist in our band is my cousin but we rarely keep contact out of the band other than family occasions. The other two I had never met before we got together but they are great guys and we have a laugh mostly. I think for me I like to keep band and friends separate, music sometimes needs a business approach and I feel that is compromised by friendships but that is just me/us
Most bands I've been in started with a friend and myself inviting other friends to play. So we started out friendly and became friends.
My current band grew out of a local blues society, but one member I'd known for 20 years and had played with off and on for most of that time.
Can't say they are best friends. After 6 cross country moves, two divorces, more than a dozen relationships that ended wretchedly and my family living 1,000 miles away, my best friend is my dog.
My current band grew out of a local blues society, but one member I'd known for 20 years and had played with off and on for most of that time.
Can't say they are best friends. After 6 cross country moves, two divorces, more than a dozen relationships that ended wretchedly and my family living 1,000 miles away, my best friend is my dog.
It depends.
In the three piece, I'm friends with the drummer but not the guitar player.
In the four piece, I'm friends with the guitar player but not the singer and drummer.
I get along great with everyone involved. But time and geography prevent the other band members and me from hanging out.
There's no such thing as an obligation to attend a birthday party other than one of your children, your spouse, your parents, or a boss who would be a jerk about it if you didn't.
In the three piece, I'm friends with the drummer but not the guitar player.
In the four piece, I'm friends with the guitar player but not the singer and drummer.
I get along great with everyone involved. But time and geography prevent the other band members and me from hanging out.
There's no such thing as an obligation to attend a birthday party other than one of your children, your spouse, your parents, or a boss who would be a jerk about it if you didn't.
I don't really make the friendship connection with many folks so I picked no.
But on a couple of occasions this has happened in the past.
But on a couple of occasions this has happened in the past.
Could this be an instance of the birthday member having a party with the other members of the band obviously invited, and that they just didn't want you to feel like the only member excluded? I'd do the same thing regardless of how close I was to any given member of a band - it's always polite to invite all members.
In my books a birthday party is pretty much as low-key of an event as they come. If you do go, nothing wrong with showing up, wishing a quick happy birthday, maybe having a drink and socializing for 30 min and then cutting out.
Similarly, if you don't want to, then don't go. I wouldn't think there's any obligation involved. I am friends with my band mates in all of my bands, but I still wouldn't feel bad about politely declining an event I wasn't interested in attending.
In my books a birthday party is pretty much as low-key of an event as they come. If you do go, nothing wrong with showing up, wishing a quick happy birthday, maybe having a drink and socializing for 30 min and then cutting out.
Similarly, if you don't want to, then don't go. I wouldn't think there's any obligation involved. I am friends with my band mates in all of my bands, but I still wouldn't feel bad about politely declining an event I wasn't interested in attending.
I need to get along with people I play with.
But do I hang out with people I play with? No I don't hell I dont even hang out with my closest friends! I am strictly work and home kinda guy. I will sometimes have coffee, or help them with things, but I am way to introverted to hangout with anyone but my wife and dogs
Saved me a lot of typing.
Generally yes, but I'm also starting to get past the point where I feel obligated to do anything I don't want to do in life.
Of course they are. . . . . . until they cut your throat and kick you to the curb.
Your problem aside, sounds like you've only been in one band, your current one. I've been in over a dozen and have had bandmates who were friends, acquaintances or people I would never associate with had they not been in the band. In other words, your poll has too few choices and assumes you've only been in one band.
In some cases, they were. in other cases, not. I think it simply depends on whom I am playing with at the time. Sometimes, frankly, it's easier to just be colleagues and partners in the venture and not complicate things by being friends. other times, I definitely have made lasting friendships. Other times, those whom I thought were my friends buried one deep in my back. So I'm real careful now about getting too emotionally involved in a band situation.
can you be friends with bandmates? yes of course it's possible. is it necessary for a successful band or band experience? absolutely not. For me, I'd rather be involved with responsible people who are great musicians who share a common vision with me as to what we are trying to accomplish, then to actually hang out with them as friends.
can you be friends with bandmates? yes of course it's possible. is it necessary for a successful band or band experience? absolutely not. For me, I'd rather be involved with responsible people who are great musicians who share a common vision with me as to what we are trying to accomplish, then to actually hang out with them as friends.
That perfectly depends on band mates and you. You can play together and be good friends on stage, but on the other side, there is a private life, and these band mates can be a good music-friends, but not friends in your other life, of course, you can be friends in bouth "planet sides". It all matters what people they are. To me personally, the friends stayed only 1 people from all the bands i have played - i haved played for 20 years.
