You've played with 150 people this morning???? Wow!!!!
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Do you consider your bandmates as friends?
- Thread starter BassAndReeds
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I find it really hard to start bands because it's hard to find:
A) people that I can get along with well enough to want to spend significant time with
B) musicians that have similar tastes and goals as mine
C) musicians with their own damn gear
D) people that can align their schedules regularly so we can actually get together and play
I'm not saying I need to be best friends or even really friends with bandmates, but I can't be involved with someone who doesn't share similar worldviews to my own, we have to share significant common ground otherwise it's way too awkward.
A) people that I can get along with well enough to want to spend significant time with
B) musicians that have similar tastes and goals as mine
C) musicians with their own damn gear
D) people that can align their schedules regularly so we can actually get together and play
I'm not saying I need to be best friends or even really friends with bandmates, but I can't be involved with someone who doesn't share similar worldviews to my own, we have to share significant common ground otherwise it's way too awkward.
I consider my bandmates to be enemies at large, and they should be treated as such whenever spotted. They show up late, unprepared, cancel constantly, are too loud, play while others are trying to talk, don't help run sound, manage, clean up... However, before they joined my band, they were friends!
Many musicians, far better than you or I have hated their bandmates and become famous millionaires... Bands like the Misfits could be millionaires, but they live with their parents into their 60's because they can't get along. Logic says deal with it for the music... But I'd be the guy living with my mother personally.
Many musicians, far better than you or I have hated their bandmates and become famous millionaires... Bands like the Misfits could be millionaires, but they live with their parents into their 60's because they can't get along. Logic says deal with it for the music... But I'd be the guy living with my mother personally.
I do consider my bandmates friends, but it is a little bit different b/c we are a Christian rock band that does our stuff as a ministry, so that really does draw you together in a way...
Some yes, Some No. I've been in a few different bands with a drummer who happens to be my best friend for over 40 yrs.
Last band I was in, I'd say No. The typical situation where they are friendly and pleasant within the confines of the band, but beyond that you see their true colors, Gossipy, Self-centered, Egotistical.
Not the qualities I look for in a person to hang out with.
Last band I was in, I'd say No. The typical situation where they are friendly and pleasant within the confines of the band, but beyond that you see their true colors, Gossipy, Self-centered, Egotistical.
Not the qualities I look for in a person to hang out with.
Friendly, but no, I'm not really a hang out with the boys kind of guy. Much like at work, where I've been around the same core group for 35 years and don't know where any of them live...
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If there were an organized hang, I would hang but other than that, I don't consider my band mates as buddies. That's one band. My other band, I would definitely hang out with and I consider them friends.
buldog5151bass
Kibble, milkbones, and P Basses. And redheads.
The fact that I am in a band with them has no bearing on friendship. I've been in bands with friends. I've been in bands with people I never saw outside of gigs and rehearsals. But always friendly.
But if they operate this way, drop them an email that you can't stay long since you have to take care of your in laws or whatever. Make your appearance.
But if they operate this way, drop them an email that you can't stay long since you have to take care of your in laws or whatever. Make your appearance.
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For me it's a mixed bag. I've made some great friends through music over the years, and worked with some jerks. People I thought were friends turned out not to be. My current project, I'm real tight with my business partner/frontman, but am a professional acting coworker with the other members. Part of running a band includes creating a decent "hang" so the members are engaged. I would show up at the party just to support band engagement.
All of the bands I have been in , that were actual working bands that did something, yes. Even ones I was in 20 + years ago, in a different state. I keep in touch with the majority of those guys. Have no choice in one, hes my brother. Currently , My wife is in my band, so theres that, the rest of the guys... when we arent playing, we all go out together to catch another band, hell, they even came to my kids birthday parties and brought gifts.
With as much tim eas you spend with bandmates, in my opinion, you have to be friends, in our case and every successful band I have been a part of, its more like family.
With as much tim eas you spend with bandmates, in my opinion, you have to be friends, in our case and every successful band I have been a part of, its more like family.
Ductapeman
Ringmaster and Resident Geriatric
I didn't vote because I think the question is more complex than that. I've played with guys who treated the gig as a 9-to-5-style job, and they made a good living at it and are all very proficient-- and I get on well with them, but we don't go throw darts over a pint unless we're at a gig and rarely then, cause they have places to be. I get that. I find myself enjoying playing more with relaxed guys who are playing more for the joy of it, but then I'm not making my living at it any more either. Much fun to go raising Cain (as much as 60-something guys can do) with guys you've known and played with for decades on a by week--
ETA-- On the whole, as I get older, I find I value people a lot more, and when you're all laughing all the time, it's the right mix of people--
ETA-- On the whole, as I get older, I find I value people a lot more, and when you're all laughing all the time, it's the right mix of people--
I have gone to see movies with my bandmates, hung out at a party now and then, but to be honest if we weren't in a band together that probably wouldn't happen. They are kind of like "office friends", people from work you meet up to have a drink with but aren't the best of buds.
I like my band mates... both good people (we're auditioning a guitarist on Thursday) as well as very good musicians. I think we get along great, but a 2 hour rehearsal, once a week, doesn't leave much time for 'the hang'. Since getting with these guys this past November, we've been out once, but the the outing consisted mainly of band goals and direction.
With my schedule alone, I'm lucky to fit the rehearsal and practice time in.
Sometimes it's hard to maintain balance between desire and needs. With my family, needs wins out, 100% of the time... the rest is hopefully icing on the cake.
With my schedule alone, I'm lucky to fit the rehearsal and practice time in.
Sometimes it's hard to maintain balance between desire and needs. With my family, needs wins out, 100% of the time... the rest is hopefully icing on the cake.
I consider my bandmates to be my friends. We're all within a 10-year age range and have similar backgrounds, families, etc. We have some big differences too (politics and religion) but have never let those interfere with our mutual respect and enjoyment of making music together. If I had a personal problem of some kind, I'd have no hesitation to reach out to any of them for advice or support.
To the OP, why can't you attend your bandmate's party, hang out a little, pay your respects, wish him well, and then leave? It costs nothing to be nice.
To the OP, why can't you attend your bandmate's party, hang out a little, pay your respects, wish him well, and then leave? It costs nothing to be nice.
My bandmates are my brothers from another mother. The loss of our original singer last year was like losing a family member my wife still cries when she hears him sing on you tube. We were together since 2001 and created the PHOENIXBAND together in 2003 he retire from the band in 2016 and passed away in 2017 he was 58 years old. We miss him everyday.
I don't have a lot of people I think of as really close friends in the first place; not in the sense of bosom buddies that are with me in everything. Part of it is that I've moved around a lot; not many people I grew up with or went to school with are around, most of the people I am around haven't known me too long, don't have a lot of history with me. The other is the variety of my interests and areas of life; I'm a churchgoing guy, a bar/garage band musician, and an academic, and there isn't a whole lot of overlap between those three worlds, at least not where I am. So in any given circle I'm involved in, a lot of my life is "outside" that circle, too much for people in that circle to really have that kind of "wingman" closeness. The idea of a social "floater" that people use to describe high school social dynamics still kind of applies to me - the person who moves between different "tribes" and is accepted in them but doesn't really belong to any particular one.
Honestly it makes me uncomfortable when people I just barely joined up with start calling me "brother" and acting like I'm family. It seems superficial. I appreciate the warmth, but they don't really understand that much about me.
With that having been said, yes, to a degree, I think of bandmates as friends. It's a sliding scale, and some more than others. My singer friend Carolyn, for instance, I've been in a couple of bands with, none at the moment, and would definitely consider her a friend. Likewise my drummer Vance, whom I've known for less of a time but worked with more intensively and gotten to know his family. Others are more arm's-length friendly acquaintances.
Honestly it makes me uncomfortable when people I just barely joined up with start calling me "brother" and acting like I'm family. It seems superficial. I appreciate the warmth, but they don't really understand that much about me.
With that having been said, yes, to a degree, I think of bandmates as friends. It's a sliding scale, and some more than others. My singer friend Carolyn, for instance, I've been in a couple of bands with, none at the moment, and would definitely consider her a friend. Likewise my drummer Vance, whom I've known for less of a time but worked with more intensively and gotten to know his family. Others are more arm's-length friendly acquaintances.
My last band was comprised of two dudes I wouldn't mind hanging out with and one I had nothing in common with except music. My current band has one guy I've known since we were in elementary school, another the same age as me who has similar views on life, and one who doesn't necessarily have similar views, but is super laid back. They're all really good dudes who are in the same boat as me; married, couple of kids, good jobs, and making music for fun. I would hang with any of them any time.
My bandmates (a rotating cast of characters, 6 to 8 or so people) are all my good friends, some going back 50 years. I love most of them like family!
