Totally depends on the band. Most are completely business for me (although we're friendly with each other), a rare handful are people I do enjoy hanging with while on the road but go our separate ways when not working.
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Do you consider your bandmates as friends?
- Thread starter BassAndReeds
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my drummer is my best friend, the other two, we get along, but dont hang out. no you dont have to be best friends with the people in your band but i cant imagine being in a band with someone you have that little in common with and dont want to be around. im guessing this is a cover band of some type and its more like just punching a clock for you?
if i didnt want to be around the guy that badly i wouldnt be playing with them. whats the worst that could happen.... go to the party and meet some new people? maybe even find a side of the guy you dont know yet.
if i didnt want to be around the guy that badly i wouldnt be playing with them. whats the worst that could happen.... go to the party and meet some new people? maybe even find a side of the guy you dont know yet.
no, i don't feel the same way. i am friendly with all bandmates and friends with some.
some of my bandmates (two bands) are good/great friends of mine and others are more like business 'associates', but we all get along and like and respect one another. however: i don't think i have to be someone's good friend to do the adult 'thing' and go to a gathering where others might be 'different' than me. i didn't get the memo which suggested that we all have to be alike in order to attend a birthday party...and have a good time!
OP: good luck with your 'party angst'!
We play too much, and are too busy otherwise to hang out much. Plus I live about 45 minutes from most of them, and another one lives 45 minutes the other direction. We would, and have hung out given the opportunity.
It depends, I have been in bands where I considered them coworkes, other bands where we were all friendly but not necessarily friends, and in my current band, absolutely we're friends. Again, really just depends on the situation.
As far as your situation, I would just look to attend the party since you were invited, look at it as keeping the peace / band politics / not upsetting the apple cart. Show up, bring something, stay for an hour, maybe a little more. Let your band member know when your leaving and that you appreciate the invite, then politely excuse yourself, work, or some other obligations. I mean after all, some work places have social gatherings that you might attend for the same reason, just look at it that way.
As far as your situation, I would just look to attend the party since you were invited, look at it as keeping the peace / band politics / not upsetting the apple cart. Show up, bring something, stay for an hour, maybe a little more. Let your band member know when your leaving and that you appreciate the invite, then politely excuse yourself, work, or some other obligations. I mean after all, some work places have social gatherings that you might attend for the same reason, just look at it that way.
Interesting posts...
One of the bands I am in right now is getting ready to seriously curtail if not outright stop playing all together for reasons that are not really important here. The singer and I are friends from childhood, having grown up across the street from each other and have known each other for around 48 years. The guitar player and I were in a band before and have played together for about 15 years. The drummer has been in the band about 8 years. We hang together all the time. Great friends.
The guitar player and I have a new project going. I had told him when we were looking for a new singer that I could deal with lesser talent if I actually liked the guy. A great bandmate who is a dooshnozzle might as well not be around. Just my opinion.
But yeah, me and my bandmates are friends. There have been bands in the past that we werent close, and they didnt last long.
BnB
One of the bands I am in right now is getting ready to seriously curtail if not outright stop playing all together for reasons that are not really important here. The singer and I are friends from childhood, having grown up across the street from each other and have known each other for around 48 years. The guitar player and I were in a band before and have played together for about 15 years. The drummer has been in the band about 8 years. We hang together all the time. Great friends.
The guitar player and I have a new project going. I had told him when we were looking for a new singer that I could deal with lesser talent if I actually liked the guy. A great bandmate who is a dooshnozzle might as well not be around. Just my opinion.
But yeah, me and my bandmates are friends. There have been bands in the past that we werent close, and they didnt last long.
BnB
The bandleader of the band I'm in was the best man in my wedding. I've known him for 7 plus years now. I'd take a bullet for him, or any of the other members. At this point, we're like family.
We are friends, but not on the level of attending everyone's important events. Honestly i don't think you are really obligated to attend this party, i have turned down many invites to do stuff from bandmates. For us, the band itself is the time we spend together and have fun...rehearsals and gigs. Sometimes we turn rehearsals into a pot luck thing for fun.
But yeah, don't attend parties you don't want to. If someone has a problem with that they are pretty immature.
There needs to be a third choice - black or white is pretty extreme.
I voted "friends", but friendly associates is more accurate. We're not all lovey-dovey, best buds outside the band functions, but are people I would hang with occasionally. I have been in a band where our social lines never crossed (and never would) outside of band functions, but there was never anything but friendly courtesy between us.
I wouldn't be in a band that didn't have a friendly atmosphere.
I voted "friends", but friendly associates is more accurate. We're not all lovey-dovey, best buds outside the band functions, but are people I would hang with occasionally. I have been in a band where our social lines never crossed (and never would) outside of band functions, but there was never anything but friendly courtesy between us.
I wouldn't be in a band that didn't have a friendly atmosphere.
I'm in two bands. I hang with the drummer in one (we've spent a couple of decades playing together). The other band is fairly new, so not much of a hang. But that could change. Everyone is chill, so it's all good.
I enjoy my bands company but I'm a little older than them and have completely different listening music tastes. We're friendly and can hang out but I wouldn't go out of my way to hang with them on a regular basis over practices and gigs. For us the situation works well because we always have a healthy debate on our hands because of our different musical backgrounds. When we play music together it just clicks and we're one unit, that matters most to me.
my current bandmates are like brothers...we are all cut from the same cloth...even if we didn't have the music thing in common we would still be great friends....recently i had to have 2 stents installed in my heart, these guys were all over me , coming to the hospital , calling me constantly to check on me, reassuring me that it didn't matter how long it took to recover because we are all brothers and they ain't going no where, i love these guys...we are back at it now and it's like we never took the break while i recovered...this kind of bond is very hard to find, not to mention the musical chemistry we have...i'm a lucky man!
deepestend
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I honestly just wouldn't overthink it. If you like playing with them and you have learned how to play with them, let it go from there.
If there's no connection with the playing, then the friendship may not happen.
If there's no connection with the playing, then the friendship may not happen.
If you don't go you won't get to experience that feeling you get when you are through with something you didn't want to do in the first place.
It depends on who I'm playing with. Some people I gel with and we become very close, others I wouldn't hang out with in any situation other than the stage.
