Hi AG,
Aside from the enjoyable and often informative contributions I’ve read of yours here on TB, I don’t really know you, so I hope I’m not stepping into unwelcome territory here...
Particularly in these times when the very thing that brings so much happiness and joy into my life has, for all intents & purposes, disappeared, I found it so disheartening to see your comment about the lack of enjoyment you derive from making music. It also comes as somewhat of a surprise since it seems you post here with such frequency and so much knowledge and enthusiasm. Perhaps it’s really just an expression of your humble and selfless approach to playing and less of what it seems like on the surface.
Playing music is a gift...a gift we shouldn’t take for granted. Yes, a bit of a cliche but it hits home so strongly these days.
Again, I apologize if I’m out of line here. It just surprised the heck out of me to read that in a forum about learning, practicing, and playing music.
Cheers and best wishes,
Adam
Adam, thanks for your post. It is not "unwelcome territory," so let me try to explain myself further.
I had a several-year career as a poorly-paid professional band performer back in the 1970s, playing bass and singing. Nobody read music, but we did have "ear arrangements." I have a pretty good ear. On those few occasions where I can get together with people and play stuff that doesn't particularly challenge, I enjoy myself... but I don't learn much.
Now, however, I see my greatest musical strength is as an arranger/composer. I am the Composer in Residence for my synagogue, and I also arrange for choirs, string quartets, recording artists - anybody who asks.
The "arranger mindset" is one of control: I write all the parts, and the players are supposed to play them.
Live ensemble performance is inherently subject to lack of control, despite obsessive planning. The power goes out; the room sucks; the trumpeter can't seem to play in tune; the bass part I had planned goes out of my head; I count in a tune too fast or too slow. Yes, I am professional enough to smile and charge ahead, and relaxed enough to stop and restart a song if someone's in the wrong key (!). But, despite all the compliments from listeners, I go over the uh-ohs in my head afterwards.
In a way, I'm happier rehearsing, when we're meant to make mistakes.
My attitude might indicate that my ego is too big, because I take the uh-ohs so to heart; on the other hand, it could be seen as a path to improvement. The fact that I spend so much time and energy on preparation signifies that performance is important to me... but the performance is often less than pure joy.
)
