Drama

[vvvmmm]

I agree with everything ya said except I'd have to change the relevant sentence to this:

"Throw a guy into my band who wants to play for money instead, and well... there ya have it."

 

[bolophonic]

I have a big personality and a lot of great ideas, so I have generated my fair share of band drama in the past, I’m sure. For the last half of my musical career, I’ve tried to avoid it as best I can, but working with a group of visionaries is always going to create friction somewhere.

 

[Guild B301]

I’ve almost always been the band leader. I’ve had a music career. Never another job.
I’m willing to put up with drama, including recording separately, acting like stars, having their own separate dressing rooms, not speaking to each other, staying in separate hotels, going in separate busses or planes - IF the musician is that great of a player, and brings in a big audience. As long as (in the end) we all get together to make music people like, and they will pay us money to make it.

 

[4dog]

I just like the word DAMA..its so smooth sounding...ironic?

 

[Pings Bass]

1. The people who say they hate drama are the ones we must be the most cautious of.

2. Saying, "I won't deal with any drama," translates as, "You are all going to agree with me, or there will be drama."

I'm shook by the exact parallel to the world of dating

 

[Bunk McNulty]

As I am a very conventional American, I am always tempted by offers to get paid for playing. In my own experience, over more decades than I'm prepared to admit to, nothing greases the gears like an abundance of paid work. When I get into a situation where I can get paid decently, my tastes appropriatly expand.

 

[two fingers]

I'm thankfully, finally, I think for the first time ever - in a band where there's little to no drama. My belief is the reason for that is that we're all mature adults who know how to communicate, but more importantly - we all have the same goal. To make money by playing music. My experience tells me that one person with even a slightly different goal than the rest is the fuse that will ignite it all. Throw a guy into my band who wants to play for fun instead, and well... there ya have it.

What I've also noticed is this:

1. The people who say they hate drama are the ones we must be the most cautious of.

2. Saying, "I won't deal with any drama," translates as, "You are all going to agree with me, or there will be drama."

And I think that about sums it up .

What are your thoughts and experiences regarding DRAMA in bands?

Well stated. It took me the better part of TWO YEARS to get the lineup I have in my band right now.

We have two things in common that has glued us together so far.

1) We all want to perform the music we play with a very high level of professionalism. In other words, we'll play it right or we won't play it.

2) Our goals are exactly the same. We all played music more professionally earlier in life. We all have families. So we're all in agreement in that the band does NOT come first. We found a few venues geographically close to all of us to rotate and that's it! We don't want to go further, make more money, play more gigs, or otherwise "be more successful" in any way. We will charge the most we can at those three venues and take the rare private party for somebody we love.

Now, we became great friends over the last couple of years. I love my band mates like cousins. But that's a separate thing. We're as successful as we want to be as a band because of everything @Joe Nerve said.

Take the time to find a good fit for yourself. If you can't FIND it, START it. It'll be worth it in tue long run.

There's an old saying "To have friends you have to BE a friend". I would say tue same thing goes for being in a band of grownup professionals. To surround yourself with pros you have to BE a pro. And part of being a pro is the ability to participate in conflict resolution, and then NOT hold a grudge once the conflict is resolved.

 

[JimB52]

Surprisingly, most band drama i encountered was the result of unstable female singers, or drummers who treaded the fine line between crazy and sucks.

 

[Shalto]

The list of potential causes of drama is long, including personality types, inadequately managed mental conditions, seperate goals and addictions. My own experiences of band drama have been combos of some of the above.

Probably the most uncomfortable was being in a band with a talented guy who's addictions at the time made him flaky, and another talented guy who had anger issues. The two were not a good mix.

Personally I think the main reason I don't experience it anymore is maturity that comes with age. Playing with people who have learned the basic norms of getting along in their several decades of life is easier. When conflict comes the focus will be on resolution and people will typically just leave rather than whinge if a situation doesn't suit them.

Not that you cant accidentally find yourself in a band with someone 35 going on 18, they exist but the % of them drops as you get older.

Re the OP's comment that you have to watch the ones who say they don't like drama. I'd just take this as meaning they experienced it and didn't like it. You need to worry if they caused it though...

 

[Shalto]

View attachment 4038833

That's a good look, when are there guys playing?

 

[Shalto]

Humans = drama.

Now, you can't control if and when the drama happens, but you sure can choose your reaction to it!

Internal locus of control rather than external. I like it.

 

[Spirit of Ox]

My band has 0 drama. We are a three piece with no egos and no power struggle. I'm probably the easiest band leader to work with. Probably because I'm a bassist

 

[StatesideRambler]

When I was young and playing regularly I was a go-along-to-get-along guy. I still am. I’m happiest being a sideman. In one band the band manager got us all bowling shirts with the band name embroidered across the back and our names on the front like gas pump jockeys wore when we were young. Sure, it was hokey but the band was good, the music suited us, the audiences were big and we did well. When someone came to the stage and and told us we looked goofy we just answered, “Yeah, we know.” then played another good set.

If you’re a sideman and you like what you’re playing then just go along with it. You have to reconcile your thinking with the fact that it’s their band. If the band looks silly the audience definitely will let them know. And if the look makes it harder to fill your calendar, the Mr. and Mrs. will hear about it before you do.

 

[fdeck]

My main band has had little or no drama in its nearly 35 years of playing. Of course the membership and leadership have both evolved throughout the years. You can make it work either way in terms of money. My band has always been non-commercial but has high standards for itself. I think one antidote for drama is that literally ever member of the band has worked as a sideman, and many have also been bandleaders. About half of the members have music degrees. So we all have a healthy perspective on the different parts of the equation for making a band work.

 

[jdh3000]

I've yet to be in one thar didn't carry a certain amount of drama.... If I'm fortunate to land in one where all band mates are cool in the beginning, there are the respective significant others who are causing problems; wanting to meddle in band business, "run sound", " manage the band"... It eventually causes problems, if not immediately.

Any time I've freelanced I feel like royalty; they practically roll out a red carpet because they are happy I'm there helping them keep a gig. I've filled in with bands for many gigs in a row, then offered the gig permanently... never any drama to see, until I accept, then it starts.

Any time two personalities work closely, especially in a field where the ego is so closely attached to the craft, you are creating a recipe for conflict, add another one and you've magnified it.

It takes a certain disposition to let it all slide, and even then it can wear on anyone after awhile.

I hope in your case it keeps going well. It's a rarity, but with in the realm of possibilities that drama never arises.

 

[Real Soon]

I found a band that had no drama in it. Then the lead singer and her significant other had a bad breakup and now she's ditching us and moving across the country.

I tried, man. I tried to find a sanctuary...and it FOLLOWED ME HOME.

Well technically, it didn't, but it hung out where we were rehearsing and that's no fun

 

[PBandJazzBass]

My experience has been that church band gigs are some of the worst when it comes to drama and internal politics. It's not always within the band either. Sometimes it extends to pastors and other church members.

I just show up, play the bass and keep my head down and my mouth shut.

 

[jamro217]

What starts out as a good thing can slowly erode into a clinging, putrid mess. People change and what seemed like a good idea at first has the annoying tendency to sour over time. The set list may not be entirely to one members liking. They continue along not complaining but not enjoying it, either. The "vocalist" eventually believes they are the focal point and thus deserve more power. The amount of money goes down and it isn't "worth it" as much it used to be. A replacement may be needed at some point and the dynamics change. Cliques may form. Not to be cynical and bring you down, Joe, glad you found a good thing. Hasn't been my experience. Best to you.

 

[fhm555]

Band drama IME is pretty much always generated by insecure individuals who need assurance they are needed and liked.
I tend to favor a BL situation because it generally nips the bulk of band drama in the bud, but it also saves me the trouble of having to ego stroke or bolster confidence in an adult who asked to be in a situation where they will be judged by random strangers and it’s a given there will be those who will have negative opinions when they make those judgements.
I’m at heart a team player so honest open communication is vital. I’m pretty easy to get along with and do not need to be in love with the program to be a good supportive member in a democracy situation. If I decide it’s not working out i’ll inform the rest of the band and do my best to cover my obligation to the group while they find a replacement.
I was married to a woman who had to have drama in her life. If there was none she would create some. It took me nine years to accept that she simply could not be satisfied in the regular sense, that her satisfaction was derived from personal conflict. It was emotionally draining but very educational in that it taught me to spot others who were the same way which has saved me untold wasted time trying to reason with unreasonable people.

 

[Yellow Bang66]

I'm thankfully, finally, I think for the first time ever - in a band where there's little to no drama. My belief is the reason for that is that we're all mature adults who know how to communicate, but more importantly - we all have the same goal. To make money by playing music. My experience tells me that one person with even a slightly different goal than the rest is the fuse that will ignite it all. Throw a guy into my band who wants to play for fun instead, and well... there ya have it.

What I've also noticed is this:

1. The people who say they hate drama are the ones we must be the most cautious of.

2. Saying, "I won't deal with any drama," translates as, "You are all going to agree with me, or there will be drama."

And I think that about sums it up .

What are your thoughts and experiences regarding DRAMA in bands?

Hah! Drama will not be tolerated!! F* You drama!