1. Please take 30 seconds to register your free account to remove most ads, post topics, make friends, earn reward points at our store, and more!  
     
    TalkBass.com has been uniting the low end since 1998.  Join us! :)

Dumb CL Ad's pt 5, Dumbester and Dumberest

Discussion in 'Bass Humor & Gig Stories [BG]' started by Thor, Mar 22, 2013.


  1. Thor

    Thor Gold Supporting Member In Memoriam

  2. PipeRain

    PipeRain Operator Of Pointy Basses

    Dec 4, 2012
    Can't pass this guy up....

    bassad.
     
  3. Joebarnes

    Joebarnes

    Oct 4, 2011
    Surrey, BC
    http://vancouver.en.craigslist.ca/van/muc/3694211770.html

    I will show you how to get tail in the music industry (Everywhere)
    Alright, Sean What's his face is showing everyone how to make money in the music industry. Here's reality, nobody really expects to make any money in the music industry when they get started. But, what do most teenage guys want when they pick up an instrument? To get laid.

    Obviously, there are better ways to get this accomplished and more challenging ways. Use my tried and true program and you'll be beating them off with a stick.

    Some key tips that are included in my world famous program are:

    1. Pick the right Instrument, dummy.

    Sure Lemmy gets more bumper than a body shop, but he's Lemmy. Stay away from the F'n bass. And if you're not hung like Tommy Lee, drums aren't where it's at, either.

    2. Play the right genre.

    This means hipster music is IN and black metal is OUT. Sure, there are a few chicks in to metal, but the babe to dude ratio is much higher in other genres.

    3. Make the decision -- Quantity or Quality.

    Lemmy has slept with over 1,000 women. Guaranteed they weren't all Top Shelf. Listen to Fat Girl (thar she blows) by Steel Panther.

    And many more key tips if you sign up for my intensive program.

    I don't have any fancy credentials to fake, but I guarantee you my program will get you closer to your goal than making money in the music industry. I will teach you all the ins and outs of getting in and out in the music industry.
     
    Remyd likes this.
  4. Stumbo

    Stumbo Wherever you go, there you are. Supporting Member Commercial User

    Feb 11, 2008
    the Cali Intergalctic Mind Space
    Song Surgeon slow downer software- full 4 hour demo
    Yep....my thoughts exactly....:crying::meh::atoz:
     
  5. basskidd

    basskidd

    Jul 25, 2011
    Chicago
    adi77 likes this.
  6. Holdsg

    Holdsg I should be practicing Gold Supporting Member

    Sep 10, 2009
    Alta Loma, CA
    I wonder if they play as well as they spell?

    Our band Invisible Crossover, Rock Alterntative/Metal Alternative band, is seeking Oppurtunity's/ Gigs / One night plays in or around Moreno Valley-Inland Empire area.
    WILL DO CHARITY EVENTS- any oppurtunity would be an honor.

    We do have experience doing events, have received callbacks to various places as well, we just would like to broaden our show range.
    Please contact James Early , Manager of Invisible Crossover, at the number below. We will send Videos, Music, and photos of current and previous events to show you that we ROCK!!!!

    Contact #: 951-243-4692

    GIVE US A CHANCE TO BLOW YOUR MINDS AWAY!!!!!!!


    Sometimes I think I live in the worst part of the worst part of the worst part of the music world.
     
  7. jive1

    jive1 Commercial User

    Jan 16, 2003
    Alexandria,VA
    Owner/Retailer: Jive Sound
    This one is a regular poster on CL.

     
    bass nitro and wmhill like this.
  8. TNCreature

    TNCreature Jinkies!

    Jan 25, 2010
    Philadelphia Burbs
    There are so many for sale ads with NO important information to base a decision on- you know, like a BRAND NAME!

    This guy's ad is typical:

    http://philadelphia.craigslist.org/msg/3630644016.html

    5 string bass guitar - $260
    Plays like new! Looks new! Fresh new strings and hardware! Plus a guitar case included!

    So I e-mailed him and asked; "Do you think that listing more information such as the brand name and a picture might help you sell your bass more quickly?"

    His response: "Why are you planning on buying one?"
    I didn't know that my reason (to play, one would assume) is a factor!

    :confused::confused::confused::confused:!!!
     
  9. Plucky The Bassist

    Plucky The Bassist ZOMG! I'm back from the dead! Supporting Member

    Jul 30, 2010
    Houston, TX
    He's probably like "Nah, it's some brand nobody has ever heard of with a lame butterfly on the headstock...like Fedora or something, what a stupid name! Why would you name your bass company after a hat?" :smug:;):D
     
  10. TNCreature

    TNCreature Jinkies!

    Jan 25, 2010
    Philadelphia Burbs
    ^^^There is always that hope!
    one time I asked the same questions and was told it was a "Berdalini or something" :)
     
  11. TNCreature

    TNCreature Jinkies!

    Jan 25, 2010
    Philadelphia Burbs
    EPIC VOCALIST: I Found my Guitarist! (Voorhees)

    http://southjersey.craigslist.org/muc/3700807753.html

    Please....for the love of God, guitar players can STOP sending me their mp3 files now. It was a painful 36 hours of time I will never get back. Do any of you even know how to play in time? It sounded like a trail of finger blood was left behind during your recording sessions. Anyway, after sitting through some of the worst picking and writing compositions known to mankind, I finally found my guitar player and we are ready to move forward.
    Guitar player extraordinaiire, Bo Naples, formerly of the epic bands Dimebags for Dropouts and Pig Fetus, has decided to put his solo album on hold to join forces with myself. Bo is a great listener and willing to learn what it takes to MAKE IT BIG!
    Bo stated, "I am very excited to be taught by such a great leader and contribute to this project. Mr Sheppard is an experienced musician with great ideas. Bill Gates, Ghandi, Jesus, were all great leaders too, but I dont think they were musicians. I could be wrong (Bo chuckles). Mr Sheppard is an accomplished songwriter and amazing vocalist and I look forward to this next year under his leadership and guidance."
    I will need a drummer, keyboardist, bassist, and possibly an EPIC violin player to round out this supergroup. I am currently working on a name for the band, which will be professionally branded. The reason behind the branding is due in large part because this music will redefine the music industry, and create an entirely new genre of metal music. This is why I demand EXCELLENCE! Hopefully the picture is becoming more clear for those who doubt this project. LETS MAKE MAGIC!

    Serious Inquiries Only!!!!!!!!!

    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]

    P.S. there are a ton of responses to this guy on CL type in "EPIC VOCALIST"
    Some postings are even "better" than this one! And I now think he's serious...unless he's not.
     
    Osztertag2112 likes this.
  12. lwknives

    lwknives

    May 6, 2012
    Good to know somebody is working on that. Metal needs more genres. :bassist:
     
    pholli00 likes this.
  13. TNCreature

    TNCreature Jinkies!

    Jan 25, 2010
    Philadelphia Burbs
    SINGER AVAILABLE TO SING 15 OR SO CLASSIC ROCK SONGS FOR YOUR BAND (NNJ)

    I AM A 46 YEAR OLD MALE WHO CAN SING VERY WELL
    [AND GOOD] I HAVE A LIST OF ABOUT 10 TO 15 CLASSIC ROCK SONGS THAT WILL GET THE CROWD UP AND SINGING ALONG

    I DONT HAVE TIME TO BE IN A BAND AND REHERSE
    YOU HAVE A GIG AND YOUR BAND NEEDS A SHOT IN THE ARM ?

    I CAN HELP OUT
    IM NOT LOOKING FOR A LOT OF MONEY,
    WHAT IM LOOKING FOR IS TO SHOW UP AT A SPECIFIC TIME,PERFORM IN FRONT OF A CROWD ON A SAT NITE FOR AN HOUR OR SO, AND LEAVE.... I DONT TAKE MYSELF TOO SERIOUS, I JUST LIKE TO PERFORM AND HAVE FUN


    IF I CAN WALK AWAY WITH 40 BUCKS ER SUMTHIN THAT WOULD BE NICE
    AGAIN,I'M A HIRED GUN SO TO SPEAK. I KNOW THESE SONGS AND CAN WORK A CROWD

    SONGS WITH X'S ARE A MUST FOR ME {I GET THE BEST CROWD RESPONSE FROM THOSE]


    JJ FLASH Stones/J.Winte
    PARANOID Sabbath
    ROADHOUSE Doors
    SWEET EMOTION Aerosmith
    HEARTBREAKER Zeppeli
    LIVIN LOVIN MAUD
    WAR PIGS Sabbath
    ALL RIGHT NOW Free
    CAN'T GET ENOUGH Bad Co.
    WHAT'S YOUR NAME Skynard
    X U SHOOK ME AC DC {KEY OF E}.
    X DREAMS Fleetwood Mac
    X HARD 2 HANDLE Black Crows
    X BOBBY MCGEE Joplin
    X PIECE O MY HEART Joplin
    X GIMMIE THREE STEPS Molly Hatchet
    X MAGGIE MAY Rod Stewart
    x DIRTY DEEDS AC DC
    x EVENFLOW Pearl Jam
    x HIGHWAY TO HELL AC DC
    x WALK THIS WAY Aerosmith

    THANKS FOR LOOKIN
    EITHER WAY HAVE A GOOD ONE

    ALSO ANY DOORS
    SABBATH
    OZZY
    LED ZEPPELIN
    LYNARD SKYNARD
    TRIBUTE BANDS NEED A FILL IN
    I KNOW ALL THOSE BANDS SONGS
    AND AEROSMITH
    AND VAN HALEN

    [​IMG]
     
  14. landau roof

    landau roof Reupholstered User

    Jul 29, 2010
    Downstate CA
    Just like it left the factory.

    Custom Fender Squire Fretless Jazz Bass Modified with Bartolinis

    [​IMG]
     
  15. rockchalkbass

    rockchalkbass

    Sep 11, 2012
  16. TNCreature

    TNCreature Jinkies!

    Jan 25, 2010
    Philadelphia Burbs
    http://philadelphia.craigslist.org/muc/3645604279.html

    Starting a band - preferably men aged 25-35 (Chester County)


    [​IMG]

    It's time to take our shot, and get beyond our current spot, not just impress girls that are hot, but surge beyond our current spot. It's make or break; our lives are at stake. This soulful vocalist and lyricist versed in music theory (flats follow in the key progression of BEADGCF and reversed FCGDAEB for keys with sharps, e.g.) who also plays trombone is looking to start a band or connect with a band already in progression, consisting only of guys, preferably aged roughly 25-35. Old enough to be disciplined, young enough to still have enough calculated faith to try to make it in the music industry in this economy. I would like to avoid Fleetwood Mac drama, that's why no female heterosexual members, and I already have a girlfriend and don't want the temptation, to be honest. That stuff breaks up FAR more bands than creates the fodder for successful albums such as Rumours; I don't want to roll the dice on that one. I could deal with one gay member, but its first come first serve on that one, one and done - still want to avoid sexual drama wherever possible. Or a without a doubt absolute lesbian, that would be acceptable. I sing best rock with a soul or blues tinge, such as Led Zeppelin (my favorite band) or the Black Keys, and can also make the ladies swoon when singing straight up soul or R&B. I also do like Jazz, some country, and funk. I can sing a mean "My Girl" by the Temptations and even Roberta Flacks "Killing me softly", substituting female pronouns for the male. But I am most impressive on songs like the Black Keys "Tighten Up" or "Little Black Submarines" or Led Zeps bluesy songs, although my register is lower than Robert Plant's. I am in the process of writing some songs. I am flexible with band format, but hypothetically would prefer 2 guitarists, a bassist, a keyboardist, and a drummer to get enough variety and depth of sound. Backing vocalists along with the instrumental skill would be preferred but not absolutely necessary. Let's jam and see what happens!

    Location: Chester County
     
    pholli00 and KickingBass like this.
  17. TNCreature

    TNCreature Jinkies!

    Jan 25, 2010
    Philadelphia Burbs
    Classic Wrock, Bloos Band looking

    http://cnj.craigslist.org/muc/3683831192.html

    Aging, balding, greying fossil drummer who enjoys wandering around a stage playing 'classic rock and blues' for my three drunk friends who I call my 'following". If you fit this description, please email me at my nursing home address. One must is that you are required to practice and gig in white socks and sandals . Only those with AARP memberships need apply . Thank you.
     
    SpanishDave likes this.
  18. basskidd

    basskidd

    Jul 25, 2011
    Chicago
    ^^^ I'm not gonna lie, that sounds like one helluva way to spend your retirement years. :p
     
  19. Oh My! I think we just discovered the best drum set for Metal.
     
  20. bobunit

    bobunit I'm here. Now what? Supporting Member

    Jul 15, 2008
    Idaho
    Batter operated... :D

    http://boise.craigslist.org/msg/3709203160.html


    This is a Squire P-Bass from the early 2000's. From my understanding they do not make P-Bass's anymore. I stripped the bass down and refinished the top natural wood while leaving the sides and back black. It looks pretty cool IMO. It could use a new pick guard and needs new knobs.
    [​IMG]

    I replaced the pick-ups with active EMG pickups. These things are awesome and cost over $200 themselves! You'll notice the battery taped to the back. Active pickups are battery operated, and the batter won't fit inside the bass.
    [​IMG]

    Amp is a 25w (I think) Fender amp.

    Includes cable!

    $200

    Only trades considered: A welder or vintage motorcycle parts/riding gear
     
    Osztertag2112 likes this.

Share This Page