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Dumb Craig's List Ads thread

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#581
I am a HOT young singer looking for a dynamic band or to start one

About me:
I don't use drugs
I don't over drink
I have band experience and major talent
I prefer a chick band, but dudes would work
My schedule is wide open but not my legs
I am SERIOUS!!!

Phone Number Listed Here
HOLLA!

Strongly tempted to give her a call:hiding:
 
#582
Steveaux said:
jackson, TN craigslist > community > musicians
please flag with care:



Ok, you passed the test. Only people who wanna be in a better band than all the other listings on here would've clicked. You wanna be in a better band? The best gig in town? If you dig hot chicks and are willing to look like the dudes in this pic, email me. If not, good luck with your country and thrash metal. Jackson LOVES IT!
P.S. I like country and thrash metal.


* Location: Jackson
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
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PostingID: 1455079793
Click to expand...

Can Country and thrash metal exist together? With "dudes" dressed like that?
:confused:
 
#589
This is the best one I've read in a LONG time...

[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]

HI
MY NAME IS ERICK ZALINSKI.
I HAVE BEEN FUMBLING AROUND A BASS GUITAR AND DECIDED YESTERDAY THAT I WANTED TO BE IN A BAND.
I DONT KNOW HOW TO PLAY ANYTHING, READ MUSIC, AND/OR EVEN HOLD A GUITAR BUT I AM A ROCK HARD ALCOHOLIC AND LOVE TO HAVE A GOOD TIME.
ALL OF MY FRIENDS ARE IN A BAND. THEY DONT HAVE A BASS PLAYER BUT THEY DONT LET ME PLAY. THEY SAY THAT BEING AN ALCOHOLIC DOESNT MAKE YOU A ROCKER AND IM HERE TO PROVE THEM WRONG. I PICK UP THINGS PRETTY QUICK. I WORK BEST WITH ALCOHOL AND WEED. ILL PROBABLY LEARN ANYTHING IN ABOUT A MONTH DUE TO MY COCAINE USE, PLUS ILL BE UP ALL MONTH ANYWAY NO BIG DEAL.

WORK ETHIC:
TOTALLY UNRELIABLE
DOESNT WORK WELL WITH OTHER
HARD HEADED
DONT REALLY CLEAN MUCH, MYSELF INCLUDED.
HAVE A TRANSPORTATION PROBLEM; NO CAR
I AM PRETTY MUCH A PIECE OF ****

GOING PLATINUM.


Location: KNOB NOSTER
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 1456424192
 
#590
Can you shred?

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Do you shred?

Maybe you didn’t hear me the first time. I said, DO YOU SHRED?

That’s right. I’m serious. And if youre serious about new age christian rap music, then the only thing you need to do right now is email me . Then I’ll give you my phone number, and when you call me, and I say “Hello” then I want you to say “It’s shred time.” I got a music studio. There’s a dual cassette player in it and a mini fridge that is FULLY stocked with soda! Name Brand soda. My musical influences include: Electric Light Orchestra, The Guess Who, Staind, Wales Road, Petra, Newsboys, DMX, Dave Matthews Band, Wales Road, Big Red, and Hot Hot Heat. Please, homosexuals need not apply. You MUST have accepted Jesus Christ as your personal lord and saviour. That is NON- ****ING-NEGOTIABLE. Praise!!!!


like what you see?
Click to expand...

And then his picture... you might want to keep him away from little kids.
 
#595
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Imagine this...we also need a bassist(metals and such)
------------------------
Date: 2009-11-09, 8:35PM EST
------------------------
Hello, we are a 4 peice band looking for a creative bass player. We have about 5 finished songs(originals...no covers) and many other bits and peices of music waiting to be devoloped. There is alot of room in our songs for some real slaptastic bass work. We are begining to use metronomes and some of our material is anywhere from 100 bpm's to 250 bpm's. We aren't getting paid so if thats what your interested in we can't help ya there. Our music is rather technical at times and melodic with some guitar solos and such at other times. I'm the drummer and the 2 guitar players are always coming up with great riffs that aren't your everyday typical metal riffs like a lot of bands are doing. They are pretty orginal riifs and require me as a drummer to put a lot of time and thought into the beats i do, and we need a bassist who has patience and the drive to really make these songs our own. We are hoping to start playing shows around spring time and get into a studio when the time is right to record a quality demo. Some of our influences are:

Between the buried and me, mastodon, amon amarth, necrophagist, lamb of god(mostly older), the human abstract(nocturne), opeth, children of bodom, dethklok, woe of tyrants, all shall perish, tool, eluveitie, devildriver, a perfect circle, primus, as i lay dying, behemoth, arch enemy, and a lot more.

e-mail if interested! We usually jam 3 or more times a week, just depends on work schedules.

Thanks...Ohh and we are serious musicians but not d-bags either, so d-bags need not apply!


All the comments about "rather technical" music that require a lot of time & thought...and you're just starting to learn how to use a metronome? The jokes there write themselves! :D
 
#596
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guitar player looking...
--------------------
Date: 2009-11-09, 1:24PM EST
--------------------
Hey, I'm looking to start or join a new band. Been in a few bands over the past 5 years, but have been bandless for too long now. I can hold my own by myself, or with another guitarist. My style is a mix of blues, psychedelic, rockabilly, surf, 90's grunge, 70's punk, etc. I'm looking to do high-energy originals with a cream-meets-stooges kinda feel. I'm 23 and have solid equipment and a car. looking for like-minded drummers, bassists, organist, already established band, or whoever. I like to drink, party, and raise hell on a daily basis.

Nothing really wrong with the ad as such, but what's with the pic? :confused:

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#598
I'm going to post my own cl ad now. I've been looking for a band to play with for quite some time, and every time I go out to try out for a band, it's just terrible. So I posted my own ad. The first reply, an hour later, is a guy wanting to put together a classic rock / modern country cover band. You will find the oddity in this after you read my ad:

bassist looking for anything decent (KC)
Date: 2009-11-09, 10:29PM CST
Reply to: [email protected] [Errors when replying to ads?]

I've been looking for something decent here for a while. I play bass. I'm not Jaco, but I can play. Have amp and a bass. Not looking to tour the US, also not looking to just jam in your parent's basement. Playing some gigs here and there, after we've gotten tight is ideal. Don't invite me over to come try out 2 days before your band breaks up. I can practice 1 night a week (preferably week nights) or weekends. Music I'm into : murder by death, dethklok, opeth, johnny cash, isis, motorhead, the white stripes, the cramps, crass, old tiger army, old misfits, black flag, bright eyes, pedro the lion, ... etc. Douche bags and drug addicts need not apply. Please do not have a singer that ends every word in "-uh" a la James Hetfield. I'm not a southern metal fan, so rebel flag dimebag guitars probably won't win me over. I'm pretty open to indie, rock, alternative, some types of metal (like isis, or pelican), basically anything good.

Also, I'm a grown up, so please be a grown up. I do not want to play classic rock, new country, or top 100 covers. If something in my ad made you think that I did, I'm sorry.

Payton
 
#600
LOL. I finally found one:

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WORKING ATLANTA COVER BAND SEEKS LEAD GUITARIST (ATLANTA)

Metalsome Inc. is seeking a lead guitarist. We have standing gigs and the money is guaranteed BUT............and it's a big BUT....we are looking for a rock and roll lead guitarist, i repeat...a rock and roll guitarist. Not a guy who "play any style" We are offering this job to a guitarist who has played rock music for years and someone with the skills to play a 4 hour show 2 or 3 times a week with no breaks ( except to pee). Metalsome is a well established cover band and it is a great gig but i must warn you, it is not for someone with girly feelings and unable to handle constructive comments from a very focused employer....as in me. I don't miss much so please don't waste our time if you are not THIS guy. We'd love to find someone who is over 25 but under 45...but hey, if you're a little older and you still look great, we'll audition you too. I don't care if you have a great amp, we have great amps you can use but you must have these things...............a decent guitar, a great deal of skills and a decent look about...if you're fat, bald and look like a Kroger Manager, it ain't gonna work, sorry. Our gigs pay about $150.00 to $250.00 a night in cash. If you can't play, don't call please....this gig is for manly men only please....but if you're gay and you shred, that's cool too. Even girls will be given a chance so long as they can rock out. Send all video links and My Space links to my email address....you are not even going to be auditioned unless you have a my space page and undestand the concept of downloading songs from the internet.



WOW!!
 
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