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#601
I was so close to contacting these guys, but sadly I am just not that technically brilliant. So close.

[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]

Bass player needed for working folk-rock group gigging 5+ dates per month. MUST have the following:

1. Technically brilliant on the bass
2. Must have own transportation
3. Must own a PA system adequate for rooms up to 400 persons
4. Must transport PA to all gigs (see # 2) and set up and take down while the rest of the band schmoozes fans
5. Must provide 2,3 and 4 at no additional cost to the band
6. Must be capable of lead and harmony singing at perfect pitch
7. Must be willing to serve as booking and business manager for the band. Bass player is expected to secure most of the band's gigs.
8. Must be able to supply subsidized housing for band members.
9. Must be willing to buy instruments for band members (accordion, bagpipes, hand percussion etc.) so that the band can expand the sound
10. Must own field recording rig so live shows can be recorded and archived

The band will conduct auditions and interviews. Please bring an inventory of the equipment we require to the audition and interview so we can determine if your gear will satisify our requirements.

Successful candidate will earn an equal band share of gig payment, typically $50 minimum per 4 hour show.

We have a gig Friday and another Sunday and 3 more beyond that in November, so move fast if you want this opportunity of a lifetime!
 
#605
I can't believe that post. That has to either be a joke, or those guys are just completely delusional. I'm guessing it was some jaded bass player who played for a band like that, and they expected him/her to do all of the above. Love this response:

"I would love the chance to be the bitch for your band.... I mean to be able to provide a PA (which I guess you have not made enough money iun your awsome band to by yet) would be my honor.... I would also like to say I have a good job so I can by the other inst. for the band.. I mean I get a thrill by spending my hard earned money on guys like you. I would also say seting up MY PA while you talk to "fans" (the 6 people watching you at your grandmas birthday party) is no problem. I would just beg you to give me a chance to try out f\or your band.. I have been playing for 10 years and I just hopr I have enough talent to maybe even play one gig with you..... and to do it all for 50 bucks....sign me up just call me at this number please"
 
#608
Floridabwoy said:
[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]

Porn laptop - $30 (Renton)

Date: 2009-07-19, 7:11PM PDT
Reply to: [email protected] [Errors when replying to ads?]

I have an older laptop, about 8 years old, it's a blue toshiba. It has a few missing keys and a few scratches, and only about 40 gigs of free space. I got a newer laptop though and I don't need this one. I call it a porn laptop because I'm pretty sure it has a few viruses and stuff, but I still use it for porn. It runs internet pretty fast and I already have about 200 favorites of porn sites saved in my favorites for firefox. It works for porn perfectly, but not big or fast enough for music/video editing or any of that. I wouldn't type any credit card info with it though, like I said it has some viruses and spyware so it's not worth the risk. Great for porn though.
So if you just want an extra laptop to sneak in your office that is dedicated just for porn, I got your back.
Give me an email, price is negotiable
Click to expand...

Winner.
 
#609
Here is a sample from my neck of the woods. The sad thing is they show up here way too often. :rollno:
At least they are entertaining.:D

grand rapids craigslist > community > musicians

I NEVER....want to be famous...only create the best.....
Date: 2009-11-13, 12:48AM EST

I can and never stop. Money doesnt bother me of course, I can find a use for it, but Ill never be a Billy Corgan type whiny ass, look at me, someone treated me bad and now Im famous ****. I like to dabble in reality....my own as well as others. I have spent a good part of my life gaining experience (wisdom?) and I want another genius to work with....sorry, no temporary meth( god), coke, or alcohol trips....you have known your whole life you were meant for something greater than yourself... Ive done it all (well, there are some low roads that others (not you) that I have not been down), think Ive seen it ( I know Im RONG), I just want a marriage of minds that I know can happen out of this unique city......I seem to know all the "cool" people, but I cannot seem to find the right twist....Blah, BLAH....I have a voice that I find unmatched in this town, I paint landscapes with my guitar, and My piano/keyboard and bass riffs are sweet to to hard to handle.... not much of this is bullshittt, I can back it up thru a coupla meetings, Im just ready to do something with it.....please be above 30 yrs old.....I would like somebody with experience.

PostingID: 1463817555
 
#610
Project Geek Needs A Bassist! (Charlotte)

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Date: 2009-11-16, 3:13PM EST
Reply to: [email protected] [Errors when replying to ads?]

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Looking for a talented and completely insane bassist to play for our band. We are a collective of nerds and psychopaths that are looking to continually question the musical authority of anything ever written before us. Is it rock? Is it lounge? Is it incredible? YES!! We have several thousand FULL LENGTH albums worth of material (un-re-cord-ed AND un-copyrighted) and are looking to begin playing live! soon. We need a bassist who can not only rise to the challenge but also who will supply us with weed in the event we didn't bring any to practice. if YOU or your DRUNK UNCLE fits ANY or NONE of the above forementioned before description - get in touch with us soon! We practice every tuesday evening so ask your mom. AGES 15-76 welcome - must be 21 or older to participate. 77+ need not apply.


Location: Charlotte
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests



PostingID: 1468765245
 
#612
Need Aggressive Drummer and Pirate Singer (Fresno)

------------------------------------------------------------

Ahoy thar mates...we be in the need of some real good crew members...It seems our old Captain Calico Winters has been lost for some time in the great depths of the Clark Crevasse! It seems as though, he shall not return as the cold icy clutches of the Clark Crevasse are very unforgiving...We are in need of a man's man who can tell stories like no other man has told before...A man who has seen such dangers and rarities that the very essence of his soul reeks of adventure...A man who loves the smell of ocean salt and grog while enjoying a morning of fine pipe smoking and cannon maintenance...If this be you lad, come hear our previous adventures and come sign up for the crew known as Crack Jenny's Teacup...

Drummers please apply as well...recruitment begins asap...we are ready to ship out mates and start another high seas metal adventure full of treasures, wenches and deceit...need good metronome time, some double bass, ability to hold odd time helpful, please send sample of ability or link to something we can listen to...

Hope yarr there!!!

CJT..."Tobacco, Herb and Ale friendly"

Link Removed
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I couldnt tell if this was really really awesome, or rediculously lame.

edit: found a drummer who also happens to be a d-bag. go figure.
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Drummer looking for a serious band (Fresno Madera Chowchilla)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: 2009-11-17, 8:53AM PST
Reply to: [email protected] [Errors when replying to ads?]

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Iam looking for a serious band, I have played on and off since I was 13 i'm now 27 and figured hell with it the blue collar life doesn't pay enough for what I want in life. So if your a garage band and have no motivation to make it big, or your a bunch of flakes that sit around getting loaded, and talk about getting somewhere don't even bother. I'm looking for band mates with the same aspirations as myself. I wanna play gigs, wanna actually lay **** down! I listen to all types of music so I play a lot of different stuff, and I don't wanna play just covers! Or cover anyones existing work I'm bringing my own sh?t to the table so if u have this idea that I'm gonna play exactly like the other dildo u parted ways with again don't contact me. Like I said open to a lot of music here are some of the styles of music I like: bullet for my valentine, breaking benjamin, chevelle, slipknot, the red, mudvayne, I have an open mind tho if can get down and I can feed off it I'm down. I'm a humble person I'm not a musical genius so if your looking for perfection or a huge ego again I'm not your guy, I'm confident in what I do, but I'm not some dildo that says they are fxxking amazing. I don't wanna play any music I cant understand vocally some screaming is def a must like the bands I listed. but if you are trying to summons lucifer with the impersination of his voice from the depths of hell in the hopes of anarchy and world domination I'm cool on that as well. No punk at all! Just don't like that style either. It if comes across like I'm a square I'm by no means that doucher Ill party with the best of ya, but I'm here to make music and have a good time without band mates that are on the verge of an intervention. So if it sounds like I will work out and are seriously interested let's fxxckn rage! Email me at [email protected]
Please only email me if u have some stuff layed down I can listen before I pack all my **** to ur place, just to load back up dissapointed. Yes I play double bass but not a fan of drowning the rest of the band out with it, and yes I have my own **** and three vehicles so I can get to where u are. willing to travel no farther than Fresno south and Merced north

**IM NOT LOOKING FOR A BAND THAT I CAN NOT UNDERSTAND SOME SCREAMING IS OK BUT I NEED THERE TO BE A MELODY TOO! PLEASE REFER TO THE BANDS LISTED IF YOU ARE CONFUSED AS TO WHAT I MEAN BY THIS. ALSO, PLEASE GIVE ME A LITTLE MORE DETAIL THEN A WIDE GENRE FOR EXAMPLE I NEED MORE THEN "WE PLAY METAL" OR "WE PLAY ROCK" GIVE ME AN IDEA OF WHAT TO EXPECT PLEASE!

THANKS
---
 
#613
Date: 2009-11-20, 749 PM PST

Microphone is the only channel i got. I'm into the grating, abrasive cookie monster pummel, to the silky, overbearing soul serenade. It's all under the umbrella of a domineering aesthetic with the idea of autonomy and the profound belief in finding the proper texture at all cost or direction.

want to start a band?

PostingID: 1475622912

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This little gem appeared in the SF bay area craigslist. Any idea what the **** he is talking about?
 
#614
I may move -

[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]

brass instrumentalist of any kind needed for band (visalia, ca)
Date: 2009-11-23, 5:45PM PST
Reply to: [email protected] [Errors when replying to ads?]

WE ARE LOOKING FOR A TRUMPET PLAYER OR SOMEONE WHO HAS ACCESS TO ONE OR COULD STEAL ONE

ARE YOU A LITTLE BIT INSANE BUT NOT COMPLETELY?

DO YOU LIKE THE SOUND OF CHAINSAWS?
DO YOU LIKE TO **** TO THE SOUND OF CHAINSAWS?
ARE YOUAN UNDESCRIBABLY FEMINIST VEGAN ANARCHIST WITH TWO LEFT THUMBS?
DO YOU DREAM OF ELECTRIC SHEEP?
DO YOU DREAM OF BUTCHERING ELECTRIC SHEEP?
VIKINGS!!!
ARE YOU GODLIKE MUTE DEAF MILDLY ******** AND WEAR YOUR MOTHER’S LINGERIE FOR STRANGE MEN YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST ?
PLEASE DO YOUR MAD SCIENCE DANCE WITH THIS GLOWJOB ATE SOULS AND MADE A BAND BECAUSE WE LIKE MAN MAN SO MUCH THAT WE WANT TO CHOP OFF THEIR FINGERS AND RAPE THEIR RASPY THROATS!!

GLOWJOB GLOWJOB GLOWJOB
ALSO A HORN SECTION. YOU HORN SECTION. (YOU WHORE SECTION).
SLIT WRIST BOOGIE TO THE **** WAVE
HORN SECTION BRASS KNUCKLES
KAMIKAZE HORN SECTION KAMIKAZE HORN SECTION KAMIKAZE HORN SECTION KAMIKAZE HORN SECTION KAMIKAZE HORN SECTION KAMIKAZE HORN SECTION KAMIKAZE HORN SECTION KAMIKAZE HORN SECTION KAMIKAZE HORN SECTION KAMIKAZE HORN SECTION KAMIKAZE HORN SECTION KAMIKAZE HORN SECTION KAMIKAZE HORN SECTION KAMIKAZE HORN SECTION KAMIKAZE HORN
SECTION KAMIKAZE HORN SECTION KAMIKAZE HORN SECTION KAMIKAZE HORN SECTION KAMIKAZE HORN SECTION KAMIKAZE HORN SECTION KAMIKAZE HORN SECTION KAMIKAZE HORN SECTION KAMIKAZE HORN SECTION KAMIKAZE HORN SECTION KAMIKAZE HORN SECTION KAMIKAZE HORN SECTION KAMIKAZE HORN SECTION KAMIKAZE HORN SECTION KAMIKAZE HORN SECTION KAMIKAZE HORN SECTION KAMIKAZE HORN SECTION KAMIKAZE HORN SECTION KAMIKAZE HORN SECTION KAMIKAZE HORN SECTION KAMIKAZE HORN SECTION KAMIKAZE HORN SECTION KAMIKAZE HORN SECTION KAMIKAZE HORN SECTION KAMIKAZE HORN SECTION KAMIKAZE HORN SECTION KAMIKAZE HORN SECTION KAMIKAZE HORN SECTION KAMIKAZE HORN SECTION KAMIKAZE HORN SECTION KAMIKAZE HORN SECTION KAMIKAZE HORN SECTION KAMIKAZE HORN SECTION KAMIKAZE HORN SECTION KAMIKAZE HORN SECTION KAMIKAZE HORN SECTION KAMIKAZE HORN SECTION KAMIKAZE HORN SECTION KAMIKAZE HORN SECTION KAMIKAZE HORN SECTION KAMIKAZE HORN SECTION KAMIKAZE HORN SECTION KAMIKAZE HORN SECTION KAMIKAZE HORN SECTION KAMIKAZE HORN SECTION KAMIKAZE HORN SECTION KAMIKAZE HORN SECTION KAMIKAZE HORN SECTION KAMIKAZE HORN SECTION KAMIKAZE HORN SECTION KAMIKAZE HORN SECTION KAMIKAZE HORN SECTION KAMIKAZE HORN SECTION KAMIKAZE HORN SECTION KAMIKAZE HORN SECTION KAMIKAZE HORN SECTION KAMIKAZE HORN SECTION KAMIKAZE HORN SECTION KAMIKAZE HORN SECTION KAMIKAZE HORN SECTION KAMIKAZE HORN SECTION KAMIKAZE HORN SECTION KAMIKAZE HORN SECTION KAMIKAZE HORN SECTION KAMIKAZE HORN SECTION KAMIKAZE HORN SECTION KAMIKAZE HORN SECTION KAMIKAZE HORN SECTION KAMIKAZE HORN SECTION KAMIKAZE HORN SECTION KAMIKAZE HORN SECTION KAMIKAZE HORN SECTION KAMIKAZE HORN SECTION KAMIKAZE HORN SECTION KAMIKAZE HORN SECTION KAMIKAZE HORN SECTION KAMIKAZE HORN SECTION KAMIKAZE HORN SECTION KAMIKAZE HORN SECTION KAMIKAZE HORN SECTION KAMIKAZE HORN SECTION KAMIKAZE HORN SECTION

love,
glowjob

Location: visalia, ca
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests


PostingID: 1479743885
 
#616
He's confused, now I'm confused, let's all get confused


Confused working stiff for same (oakland (or however far))
________________________________________
Date: 2009-11-23, 11:33PM CST
Reply to: [email protected] [Errors when replying to ads?]
________________________________________

Recently f'd up chance to play with very talented keyboardist, but it did get me thinking.

Am a severely confused 30 something with a job and kids and white picket fences. Bills, inlaws, social life (?) and company gettogethers. Enough to validate several prozac prescriptions. Spent some ten years on the circuit in a country far far away in a band of considerable caliber. Came to the states thinking that could be left behind, but the honest back and forth with the keyboardist got the itch going. So lets see. Off the meds. No antidepressives of other poison in my system. Just your average nervous wreck with all the average desillusions and damages. Have seen more than my share of recreational drugs and those left their scars as well. In short, hanging on to the last remaining stitches of what is supposed to be a sweater. Just like about owidunno? 90% of the population at this point? So. Honesty. I am damaged goods and Id like to surround myself with likewise. pain makes for interesting people and selfmock is the beginnings of a sense of humor. are. The beginnings. So perfect timely and well organised "professionals" need not apply. There is enough polish and ed hardy teeshirts as it is. And they usually turn out to be the death of whatever creativity one carries within. Would prefer fellow rubberroomers to have played an instrument for some time and feel like music is one of the few stable constants in their lifes. Im old. 36. I think. Dont really have the desire to be locked up in a room with someone constantly asking me wether that was a g minor or a c, because quite honestly i dont know myself half the time and would have to spend time figuring out what i just played. It sounded good right? there. Calm down. Yes. that was an amazingly fast and well practised arpeggio. No. I couldnt care less.

So. Band. Allright.. ehrm. Am a melodymaker. Guitar, drums, bass, keyboard but write on guitar. Tend to lay down the basics on guitar because it strikes me somehow more directly. Have a voice that will cut stainless steel as well as sooth your deepest fears.

No southern rock (!) no blues, no covers. Think Radiohead and run with it. Could get together here on the weekends (Job! remember! yes! i am a loser too dammit!) but if youd like to play during the week or evenings, we'd have to crash your mum's basement..

Turns out you have to go eh.. i dunno? do something? with the kids? company training in somewhere? Id like to think that that would not be a reason for anyone to get their waddle in a knot. And hey. Whoknows. You get enough of us together, there is always the remote chance that we come up with something more than a little recordable.

So here's your chance. Go ahead. scald. Write that nasty email. Your reminder of our (my) failure is little more than daily reality here, so give it your best shot. Not? even better! Let's do this! Ow. no. Cant get hi. p tests. by the folks who pay my healthinsurance and rent and so on..


Felixoutcoldthumb.jpg
...
 
#619
Kenny Allyn said:
He's confused, now I'm confused, let's all get confused


Confused working stiff for same (oakland (or however far))
________________________________________
Date: 2009-11-23, 11:33PM CST
Reply to: [email protected] [Errors when replying to ads?]
________________________________________

Recently f'd up chance to play with very talented keyboardist, but it did get me thinking.

Am a severely confused 30 something with a job and kids and white picket fences. Bills, inlaws, social life (?) and company gettogethers. Enough to validate several prozac prescriptions. Spent some ten years on the circuit in a country far far away in a band of considerable caliber. Came to the states thinking that could be left behind, but the honest back and forth with the keyboardist got the itch going. So lets see. Off the meds. No antidepressives of other poison in my system. Just your average nervous wreck with all the average desillusions and damages. Have seen more than my share of recreational drugs and those left their scars as well. In short, hanging on to the last remaining stitches of what is supposed to be a sweater. Just like about owidunno? 90% of the population at this point? So. Honesty. I am damaged goods and Id like to surround myself with likewise. pain makes for interesting people and selfmock is the beginnings of a sense of humor. are. The beginnings. So perfect timely and well organised "professionals" need not apply. There is enough polish and ed hardy teeshirts as it is. And they usually turn out to be the death of whatever creativity one carries within. Would prefer fellow rubberroomers to have played an instrument for some time and feel like music is one of the few stable constants in their lifes. Im old. 36. I think. Dont really have the desire to be locked up in a room with someone constantly asking me wether that was a g minor or a c, because quite honestly i dont know myself half the time and would have to spend time figuring out what i just played. It sounded good right? there. Calm down. Yes. that was an amazingly fast and well practised arpeggio. No. I couldnt care less.

So. Band. Allright.. ehrm. Am a melodymaker. Guitar, drums, bass, keyboard but write on guitar. Tend to lay down the basics on guitar because it strikes me somehow more directly. Have a voice that will cut stainless steel as well as sooth your deepest fears.

No southern rock (!) no blues, no covers. Think Radiohead and run with it. Could get together here on the weekends (Job! remember! yes! i am a loser too dammit!) but if youd like to play during the week or evenings, we'd have to crash your mum's basement..

Turns out you have to go eh.. i dunno? do something? with the kids? company training in somewhere? Id like to think that that would not be a reason for anyone to get their waddle in a knot. And hey. Whoknows. You get enough of us together, there is always the remote chance that we come up with something more than a little recordable.

So here's your chance. Go ahead. scald. Write that nasty email. Your reminder of our (my) failure is little more than daily reality here, so give it your best shot. Not? even better! Let's do this! Ow. no. Cant get hi. p tests. by the folks who pay my healthinsurance and rent and so on..


Felixoutcoldthumb.jpg
...
Click to expand...

This guy is my hero :bassist:
 
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