Dumbest person you have EVER played in a band with

[kcole4001]

Idiot backup singer/'soundman'.
He is a fantastic singer, but didn't have a clue how to hook up the mixer and would freak out if the settings were changed between our gigs (guitar player and drummer own the PA and do sound jobs also).

He once told me: "don't turn your guitar volume up all the way, it's not the 1970s"
while I'm standing there with a 1977 4001 slung over my shoulder.
He also told me my Peavey BXP sounded better than my Rick because it was new....

He wouldn't practice at home, but thought he should be able to play acoustic rythm guitar at gigs, so our guitar player had to re-teach him the songs ON STAGE at every gig.
VERY sad.

 

[rob_appo]

Our old guitarist was a pain to work with he was so needy, he would just shred whilst we were trying to discuss things and winge about nedding to write stuff. He would pitch his bland four chord songs at every oppertunity he could even though we kept telling him we would play covers until we felt comftable playing together.

When it finally came to writing, our singer also a guitarist (wasent playing guitar in the band at that point) pitched a good riff and then the guiarist suggested adding something to it we then tried it and it sounded rubbish so we told him. He then said that he felt we werent listening to him creativly and said he would not be comming back. Which really in the end was a ressult as now the singer plays guitar in his place and we now have a clear musical direction we want to move in and are much more comftable together, especially with having to put up with him bouncing of the walls contantly seeking attention every practice.

 

[mooreon131]

I've caught one in the back mid-gig.

Whenever my friend plays with his brother's band, this is inevitable. Happens when I jam with them too. Every. Single. Time.

 

[brane]

I actually have to add a drummer to this... he's by far NOT the worst or dumbest or anything, in fact he was one of the best drummers I've ever played with. And he's now a history and religion teacher (which will become much funnier soon...)

He used to get so stoned between sets, he'd end the song with the big rock finish... after the first chorus. We'd tell him to keep playing, and he'd be like... "are you sure, man? We've been playing this song soooo long...."

The absolute funniest one was, one time the guitarist and I happened to look over, and he was playing really strangely. Like, with his elbows straight out from his body and his forearms bent straight in. After the song we had a little pow wow to find out what the issue was... "guys, check out my sticks! They're curved... like bananas, man!"

But boy, could he play those bananas.

 

[Never_grew_up]

1 - Female singer. Couldn't make it to rehearsal even when I offered to pick her up. Made we late 3 weeks in a row because she got home late from work and couldn't bother to call and tell me.
2 - A guitar player that wouldn't bother to tune. He'd get so far off that the singers would go off pitch. When we called him on he'd just say 'close enough for rehearsal."
3 - A drummer that would call each of us 3 or 4 times before a gig asking what time, what the name of the place was where we were playing, and where it was. We played there 3 times and he asked every time.

 

[cjmodulus]

I got one. Lead singer/songwriter. The drummer and I were pretty much just thereto back him up. It started well enough, things went well for a few months, but then there was a series of events that helped us to realize just what we were working with.
One example, I ask him to help me get my amp (small combo) set for practice, and he proceeds to put it right next to the kick drum with the speaker facing towards it. The drummer looks at him and goes '*singers name*, what the hell do you think you're doing?'
Singers response: 'I thought that putting the bass amp right next to the kick drum would help improve our pocket.'

To be fair he is a really nice guy, just a tad clueless. I still quit after a while.

 

[anderbass]

I had a lead singer that was a truly awesome performer in every way, but it seemed like every other day he had some major problem he would be a big drama-queen about. But he was so dam good fronting the band we just kinda put up with him at first.

We'd just all just met and started this band about a month before, and he showed up at one of our rehearsals on a Thursday night acting all bitchy and mostly just complaining that he wanted to start gigging, and then he proceeded to be such an ass and disrupt that whole rehearsal that each of us came to our own conclusions that we'd had enough of his constant attitude and problems.

But the really outrageous part was this... we had 2 freakin gigs booked for that very weekend

We all played those 2 gigs and did fine, but we still booted his dumb butt out of the band on the following Monday after he'd gotten all apologetic for being such an a$$ at that practice. I might put up with that crap once a month from a beautiful chick, but not a bandmate thats on the rag every other day.

 

[skychief]

"guys, check out my sticks! They're curved... like bananas, man!"

But boy, could he play those bananas.

Best story so far!! Kinda reminds me of Tommy Chong

 

[jordan2]

I play with this drummer who insists on throwing his sticks in the air and trying to catch them right before every song ends.
he's pretty good though

 

[jmbstudios]

Local band...

The dub themselves as a Soul/Funk band. They are so far from soul/funk that James Brown cries from six feet under when they play....

Bass player playes solo-like runs through every song. Even a slow blues tune. Ugh!

Singer paces back and forth looking at the floor like a paranoid skitzo when he sings!

Crowd they get = 15 people in a venue that holds 300.

 

[acid bass]

Bass player playes solo-like runs through every song. Even a slow blues tune.

That used to be me. I understand now why people were criticizing me so often about overplaying, it really does sound terrible.

Many years ago I used to play for church groups and I found the female singers to be generally obnoxious (sweeping generalization, yes, but I've seen it at multiple churches). If you let them, they'll spend the entire rehearsal working out the harmonies to a single song while the band sits in silence. One place I played had a very smart system, and brought the singers in on one day and the musicians on another.

I solved this frustration by not going to church any more.

 

[makkE]

Hmmm... dumbest guy, that's a tough one, because I have seen many of them.

Dumbest has to be that wannabe metal guitarist who told me "What are you drumming there, that's wrong!" - "It's a 6/8th measure" - "There's no such thing, it's just wrong!!"

Funnily enough, he used to pick a slow 6/8th ballad with his other band.

The same guy also wrote his riffs "all on the markers, because that's how it's done". After about two years, he discovered you could use those other frets too, so he made about 30 riffs "only between the markers" from that day on.

 

[Stilettoprefer]

I played in jazz band with an incredibly stupid pianist (I'm using the term "pianist" very lightly)

Me: "Can you hand out the parts that the teacher just gave you?"

Pianist: "he said not to, so bug off!"

Me: "fair enough, I'm not in the mood to beat a rich kids butt"

*as I turn around to talk to the drummer*

Band teacher: "1,2,3,4!!!!" ... "where's the rhythm section?!"

Drummer: "pianist is being a tard and not giving us our parts!"

Pianist: "oops"

I'm so glad that kid graduated last year. He didn't even know the difference between major and minor chords!!!!!!!!!

 

[StKevin]

I had a lead singer in a crappy garage band years ago who considered himself a polymath, but he couldn't actually play anything. He'd interrupt every song at every rehearsal and want to play someone's instrument "for just a second", which then turned into 20 minutes of clanking noises (regardless of which instrument he'd taken).

He called everyone by the same insult word instead of by name. We never knew which one of us he was talking to unless he was looking right at us. That issue was compounded by his constant floating eye.

He couldn't settle on a musical direction either. Whichever band he'd last heard on the radio was what we were gonna sound like from now on.

We kept him for about 6 months, because he was the guitarist's old friend. He was accidentally hilarious to witness, so it wasn't all bad. Then again, he borrowed one of my bass amps once, and it somehow fell out of his truck in transport...

He could (and would) fart on command. Repeatedly. Without even the slightest provocation. Good times.

 

[powmetalbassist]

First band I was in was a Grunge/Punk thing in the late 90's. I had just finished highscholl went with a buddy of mine to pick up some green stuff and found a group of stoners playing some instruments. They needed a bass player and I fit the bill. I spent 5 years with the guys. Not bad guys but the drummer was a total moron. He dropped out of highschool, couldn't reaslly keep a beat, had aspirations of being a video game tester and smoked way to much green stuff. He also liked to say stupid stuff. "I can't play right now guys(cause he's sober)...Lets get high!", or Rap on the mic between songs or during breaks because he thought it was funny.

 

[Russell L]

Probably a drummer I'm playing with in my old band (which I am now just subbing with when my regular band allows). He is the clunkiest drummer I've ever played with. Fast tunes clunk, slow tunes clunk, swing tunes clunk, everything clunks. That's the best I can describe it. No feel for the groove at all. AT ALL!!! And, he's WAYY too loud all the time. And his bass drum foot likes to play tons of 8th notes, which really messes with the bass line, especially since the band leader is set on always eq'ing the bass drum WAYYY too loud and deep. Oh, he brags about all the rock gigs he's played over the last three decades with other bands. I wonder why he's never gotten any better in the eight years I've known him. No one likes his drumming, yet he keeps that gig somehow.

 

[Medford Bassman]

One that sticks in my mind was in 1990-1991 when the first Gulf War was happening. I was at a rehearsal for a friends music project. She wanted me to record a few bass tracks in the studio and provide bass for her live showcase.

So, I arrive at this house owned by her friends and fellow musicians. This drummer shows up. I'm told he'll be doing the showcase with us. Fine Sure no problem. However, there is something off about the guy. First, he brings in the junkiest, POS mini drum set I have ever seen in my life. Ok, not trying to pre-judge cuz I know some people can be masters on POS gear.
Then, he begins demonstrating just about every sign of a coke head including rubbing off the powder under his nose he left on when he did his line probably in his car. Ok, again. Fine. I've worked with doper musicians before. As long as they can do the work, I don't care.

He liked my bass playing. Very complimentary. Incredibly hyper guy though. His drumming....uh...not to much. Things like beat, tempo, groove pretty no existent. Again, ok let's just get through this rehearsal. On the first break he talked my ear off about a song he wrote and he was "guaranteed" it was going to get massive local (Madison, WI ) radio airplay. But he hasn't recorded it yet and wanted me to do the bass for it.

His song was titled "So Damn Insane". It was about the Gulf War. He then spent the next 20 minutes explaining to me how it was a take on "Saddam Hussein". I said earlier on I got it. Yet, spent the time either singing me his lyrics (not much melody) or repeating himself about 30 times how his song "So Damn Insane" is a take on Saddam Hussein. Usually, after stating the connection, he followed up with "you get it? you get it? You get it?"

Did I mention this went on for 20 minutes????

Anyway, my friend who invited me was apologizing and called the rehearsal because this drummer was so high he couldn't focus on getting back to the drums only about me playing on his hit song, which by the way didn't have any chords, structure, etc as of yet.

I bailed and said I'll do the studio work but I'm not going on stage with coke boy. She understood. We later did the showcase with a pro drummer and it was a blast.

Funny, I never did hear his "hit song" on the radio.

 

[Bassmastertim]

Not so much a dumb band mate, but not quite as big a star wars geek as me.

My drummer and I are driving back from putting up flyers. He looked bored, so I let him play on my phone. A few minuets go by and I hear the unmistakable sound of angry birds.

Now, I'm driving, so I can't. See what level he's on. He's having a good time, though.

Trying to make conversation, I say "they kinda sound like ewoks, don't they?"

Without looking up, he says "no man, they sound like those little teddybears from star wars."

I drove in stunned silence the rest of the way home.

 

[MatticusMania]

Funny, I never did hear his "hit song" on the radio.

Well, duh! You never recorded your bass parts and so the song was never finished!

 

[LiamPodmore]

Ours has a nasty habit of forgetting important parts of his kit and throwing sticks... I've caught one in the back mid-gig. He's a good guy, though.

Our singer took one in the arse before, but that was genuinly the fact that the stick slipped out of his hand, and has never happened again.

I havent actually had any experiences with really dumb band members in the 4 years i've been in bands, thats quite surprising actually.

EDIT: I forgot about my bands original drummer, who wanted to play guitar instead of drums and eventually just stopped showing up to practice. He wasnt necessarily dumb, just didnt realise that we needed a drummer not a 3rd guitarist.

Liam