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Dumbest person you have EVER played in a band with
- Thread starter powderfinger
- Start date
OK, my turn. I never played with anyone in the complete idiot category, like the OP and some others clearly have. There was a really dumb thing that happened on stage once though:
1) Guitarist/bandleader has been drinking. A LOT. We take the stage to start the last set.
2) He calls a tune that he is supposed to start. However, he tells the drummer, "Count it off!" which, though puzzled, he does.
3) At this point we realize guitarist intended to call a different tune, one on which we would have all started together.
4) We let him go four bars and then the drummer and I come in together. Song rescued. Should be the end of the story, but it isn't.
5) Guitarist suddenly decides he must be out of tune. He begins tuning his guitar, by ear, leaving drummer and I the only ones playing. Goes on a long time.
6) Guitar goes farther and farther out of tune. Guitarist now turns his back to the audience, runs to his amp and tries to locate his tuner.
7) Drummer and I keep on playing the intro, by ourselves, over and over. It is an intro that is supposed to last 4 bars and has no chord changes.
8) Guitarist gives up trying to find his tuner, and rushes over to borrow my rack tuner. I try to tell him, but...
9) This tuner has an automatic mute. As soon as he plugs into the front of it, it cuts off my signal and all bass stops abruptly. Now the only sound is drums playing the intro.
10) Lead singer starts to laugh. Audience is starting to give us concerned looks, which guitarist does not notice because he is trying to figure out how to work the tuner. Drummer stops playing and starts swearing, and the song is over.
1) Guitarist/bandleader has been drinking. A LOT. We take the stage to start the last set.
2) He calls a tune that he is supposed to start. However, he tells the drummer, "Count it off!" which, though puzzled, he does.
3) At this point we realize guitarist intended to call a different tune, one on which we would have all started together.
4) We let him go four bars and then the drummer and I come in together. Song rescued. Should be the end of the story, but it isn't.
5) Guitarist suddenly decides he must be out of tune. He begins tuning his guitar, by ear, leaving drummer and I the only ones playing. Goes on a long time.
6) Guitar goes farther and farther out of tune. Guitarist now turns his back to the audience, runs to his amp and tries to locate his tuner.
7) Drummer and I keep on playing the intro, by ourselves, over and over. It is an intro that is supposed to last 4 bars and has no chord changes.
8) Guitarist gives up trying to find his tuner, and rushes over to borrow my rack tuner. I try to tell him, but...
9) This tuner has an automatic mute. As soon as he plugs into the front of it, it cuts off my signal and all bass stops abruptly. Now the only sound is drums playing the intro.
10) Lead singer starts to laugh. Audience is starting to give us concerned looks, which guitarist does not notice because he is trying to figure out how to work the tuner. Drummer stops playing and starts swearing, and the song is over.
I auditioned for a band once years ago, they were alright, but the drummer played realllllllllllly softly. I was trying to listen to his kick and lock in with him a bit better, but I could barely hear his snare, let alone the kick! Between songs, I mentioned that i couldn't hear his kick,...his reply,..."oh,..okay,...well, I just won't play it then"...
I didn't take the gig.
I didn't take the gig.
Harlo.
Back in highschool,we were just getting it together and wanted a 2nd guitarist.
Well,old Harlo could play pretty well.Decent solos for a freshman in highschool.But he never could get the 12 bar blues thing down.
We'd play the turnaround and be back on the one,Harlo would still be on the turnaround.
Me: "Hey man,you've got to get back to the one. You're throwing in an extra measure,you're playing 13 bar blues!"
Harlo: "Aw man,I got my own style!"
John Lee Hooker,Lightning Hopkins , or Muddy Waters? I'll play however many bars they want. Harlo? Not so much.
Back in highschool,we were just getting it together and wanted a 2nd guitarist.
Well,old Harlo could play pretty well.Decent solos for a freshman in highschool.But he never could get the 12 bar blues thing down.
We'd play the turnaround and be back on the one,Harlo would still be on the turnaround.
Me: "Hey man,you've got to get back to the one. You're throwing in an extra measure,you're playing 13 bar blues!"
Harlo: "Aw man,I got my own style!"
John Lee Hooker,Lightning Hopkins , or Muddy Waters? I'll play however many bars they want. Harlo? Not so much.
One that sticks in my mind was in 1990-1991 when the first Gulf War was happening. I was at a rehearsal for a friends music project. She wanted me to record a few bass tracks in the studio and provide bass for her live showcase.
So, I arrive at this house owned by her friends and fellow musicians. This drummer shows up. I'm told he'll be doing the showcase with us. Fine Sure no problem. However, there is something off about the guy. First, he brings in the junkiest, POS mini drum set I have ever seen in my life. Ok, not trying to pre-judge cuz I know some people can be masters on POS gear.
Then, he begins demonstrating just about every sign of a coke head including rubbing off the powder under his nose he left on when he did his line probably in his car. Ok, again. Fine. I've worked with doper musicians before. As long as they can do the work, I don't care.
He liked my bass playing. Very complimentary. Incredibly hyper guy though. His drumming....uh...not to much. Things like beat, tempo, groove pretty no existent. Again, ok let's just get through this rehearsal. On the first break he talked my ear off about a song he wrote and he was "guaranteed" it was going to get massive local (Madison, WI ) radio airplay. But he hasn't recorded it yet and wanted me to do the bass for it.
His song was titled "So Damn Insane". It was about the Gulf War. He then spent the next 20 minutes explaining to me how it was a take on "Saddam Hussein". I said earlier on I got it. Yet, spent the time either singing me his lyrics (not much melody) or repeating himself about 30 times how his song "So Damn Insane" is a take on Saddam Hussein. Usually, after stating the connection, he followed up with "you get it? you get it? You get it?"
Did I mention this went on for 20 minutes????
Anyway, my friend who invited me was apologizing and called the rehearsal because this drummer was so high he couldn't focus on getting back to the drums only about me playing on his hit song, which by the way didn't have any chords, structure, etc as of yet.
I bailed and said I'll do the studio work but I'm not going on stage with coke boy. She understood. We later did the showcase with a pro drummer and it was a blast.
Funny, I never did hear his "hit song" on the radio.
OMG!! That sounds almost EXACTLY like a drummer that auditioned for a band I was in that same time period, only it was in Medford MA (we did jazz and R&B). This guy didn't have the "hit song" fixation, but he sure had the addiction thing going full tilt, and to top it off, his drumming vocabulary was EXTREMELY limited to put it kindly (about 3 or 4 beats tops, needless to say, he didn't last. HILARIOUS!
Outside of the above mentioned addict drummer who wasn't too bright, most of my other "jerrys kid" stories seemed to happen mainly in one band, circa 1985, I played guitar at this time.
1) Bassist who was pretty much a novice, was all about having looks, but his gear and playing were pretty substandard. although he did have his moments. I'll never forget the night that led to me AND the singer quitting the band. The bassist, I kid you not had ONE beer, and guess what happened, he was FORGETTING entire songs and sections of songs we'd played hundreds of times, NO JOKE! I had to call out chord names to him to get him back on track, lot of good it did! When we had our last band meeting, the singer and I asked the guys why they were performing music, and the bassist, stumbling for an answer, blurts out, "To get girls", at which point the singer and I KNEW we made the right decision to bow out.
2) Some of the keyboard players we auditioned (before deciding to go keyboard-less altogether) were just nothing short of PATHETICALLY BAD! Here's the rundown:
In the late 70's, I got called by this drummer and another guitarist to jam. First question this drummer asks is "How long is your hair?" ***??????????
The drummer was a complete jerrys kid IDIOT! Not a very good player to start (EXTREMELY limited and not too solid, crap drums to boot with delusions of grandeur), drugged up as all hell, got thrown out of his parents house and was living in the upstairs part of a local Denny's and you can bet was bumming money and whatever else. Tried to be a good sport but I knew from the jump it would NEVER work. The guitarist though was a really cool guy who had his life reasonably together, good solid rock player. He apologized for how things went and thanked me for coming out. Of course, i had to give jerrys kid there a ride back to the Denny's. Thankfully never saw him again.
1) Bassist who was pretty much a novice, was all about having looks, but his gear and playing were pretty substandard. although he did have his moments. I'll never forget the night that led to me AND the singer quitting the band. The bassist, I kid you not had ONE beer, and guess what happened, he was FORGETTING entire songs and sections of songs we'd played hundreds of times, NO JOKE! I had to call out chord names to him to get him back on track, lot of good it did! When we had our last band meeting, the singer and I asked the guys why they were performing music, and the bassist, stumbling for an answer, blurts out, "To get girls", at which point the singer and I KNEW we made the right decision to bow out.
2) Some of the keyboard players we auditioned (before deciding to go keyboard-less altogether) were just nothing short of PATHETICALLY BAD! Here's the rundown:
- One guy was a Hollywood fashion-victim sort of guy, played this cheesy image-conscious wimpy synth-pop (very much in vogue at the time) had an ego like you wouldn't believe, and basically wanted to take over the band, and fire me because he thought guitar was not necessary in music (what a DOPE!). We passed on him after that little crack. Irony of ironies, he wrote this lame-assed song called "Looks Aren't Everything". He obviously didn't get that memo, IDIOT!
- Another guy who auditioned could ONLY play in one tempo (funeral dirge) and played only minute variations of this same funeral dirge figure. PASS!
- The last guy we auditioned was actually OK, did one gig with us then disappeared altogether, no clue what happened to him.
In the late 70's, I got called by this drummer and another guitarist to jam. First question this drummer asks is "How long is your hair?" ***??????????
The drummer was a complete jerrys kid IDIOT! Not a very good player to start (EXTREMELY limited and not too solid, crap drums to boot with delusions of grandeur), drugged up as all hell, got thrown out of his parents house and was living in the upstairs part of a local Denny's and you can bet was bumming money and whatever else. Tried to be a good sport but I knew from the jump it would NEVER work. The guitarist though was a really cool guy who had his life reasonably together, good solid rock player. He apologized for how things went and thanked me for coming out. Of course, i had to give jerrys kid there a ride back to the Denny's. Thankfully never saw him again.
1. The guitarist in my band in high school once said "There are only so many things you can play with 6 strings and 22 frets". While that MIGHT technically be true, it still is one of the most ignorant things I've heard.
2. My last band had 3 band members who knew absolutely nothing about rhythm or counting measures. The guitarist would constantly play his solos for an an inconsistent amount of measures, and usually for an odd amount so we had no clue when he was was going to come out of a solo even if it was a tune we had previously rehearsed. He was a great song writer/singer though.
3. This same band had an extreme hatred for drummers. I'm a drummer and make it a personal goal to control my volume with my technique first and then switching to bundle rods or brushes if need be. They absolutely hated acoustic drums and were constantly complaining that I was too loud, and trying to get me to play a cheap Roland V with the volume barely turned up. I know that sounds like a Yoko move but I swear I can actually play
4. Jammed with two guitarists who didn't own tuners. One guy would tune off of the other and hope for the best.
2. My last band had 3 band members who knew absolutely nothing about rhythm or counting measures. The guitarist would constantly play his solos for an an inconsistent amount of measures, and usually for an odd amount so we had no clue when he was was going to come out of a solo even if it was a tune we had previously rehearsed. He was a great song writer/singer though.
3. This same band had an extreme hatred for drummers. I'm a drummer and make it a personal goal to control my volume with my technique first and then switching to bundle rods or brushes if need be. They absolutely hated acoustic drums and were constantly complaining that I was too loud, and trying to get me to play a cheap Roland V with the volume barely turned up. I know that sounds like a Yoko move but I swear I can actually play
4. Jammed with two guitarists who didn't own tuners. One guy would tune off of the other and hope for the best.
alot of the drummers ive played with were the dumbest there.
either they wouldn't commit and act like it was no big deal or for some reason they were emotional incapable of banging the hell out of a drum kit. I dont mean like by a death or anything in the family or something like. i just mean they were just being a moody jerk bag
The original singer of my band, named "napalm". Total f***ing idiot.
We would always warm up with zombie by the cranberries and he would scream and growl through the whole song. Then he was trying to show us "the sound we need to go for" by showing us bands like canable corpse. We're more of a alice in chains kind of band. Not that screaming death metal crap, which we explained to him so many times.
Finally gave him the ax back in OCT. and replaced him with this classically trained chick. Although now it seems the guitarist has taken napalm's throne as king dipsh*t. (shakes head)
We would always warm up with zombie by the cranberries and he would scream and growl through the whole song. Then he was trying to show us "the sound we need to go for" by showing us bands like canable corpse. We're more of a alice in chains kind of band. Not that screaming death metal crap, which we explained to him so many times.
Finally gave him the ax back in OCT. and replaced him with this classically trained chick. Although now it seems the guitarist has taken napalm's throne as king dipsh*t. (shakes head)
the drummers i've had bands with are usually quiet, intelligent, and witty. almost never stupid or ignorant, even if they weren't necessarily the most skilled players. i guess i really haven't played with too many dumb people...dimwits are pretty easy to spot from a distance.
Did a pickup gig with a Band.'
The leader, the sax player, told everyone the gig starts at 9:30.
He shows up and were we playing for an hour. ( It's 10:30)
Your late, really he replies, I though gig started at 9:30.
It's only 9:25 right?
Exactly. It's been my experience that, jokes and stereotypes notwithstanding, most bass players and drummers are reasonably intelligent, quiet, polite, etc. Really good people to be around.
Of course, they still can't feed a family of four...
Another dummer - the one in one of my current bands where I sing lead. Ex speed freak, born again Christian but despite his faults (timing, and the tendency to get into fights when he's had a few) he is a really nice guy. However his casual attitude to playing drives me nuts.
We have a gig in a month where our bass player (who is genuinely brilliant) might not be able to make it so our second guitarist is going to step up to the bass. Fine. But original bass guy plays a few flashy bits in songs that aren't in the originals (we do covers) and drummer has now keyed in to this and thinks they are part of the track. Fair enough. Stand in bass man doesn't play those bits at the moment but to teach him what they are will be easier than to get the drummer to go back to the original, as drummer is undoubtedly the weakest member in that regard. Once he's learned summat, don't change it else it will fall apart !
So I'm trying to explain to the guitarist turned stand in bass man (my fiance) that if he doesn't play original bass man's flash bit in "Tush" then the timing will crash out as the drummer has taken to picking it up and empathising it with some stabs, and he's being an arse and saying he'll do it if he can (and he can, because it's very simple - I can do it and I've been playing bass for approximately six weeks !) and the drummer pipes up, "Don't worry - in this case two wrongs will make a right."
No they won't, eejit - they'll make us sound like we crashed it. FFS.
We have a gig in a month where our bass player (who is genuinely brilliant) might not be able to make it so our second guitarist is going to step up to the bass. Fine. But original bass guy plays a few flashy bits in songs that aren't in the originals (we do covers) and drummer has now keyed in to this and thinks they are part of the track. Fair enough. Stand in bass man doesn't play those bits at the moment but to teach him what they are will be easier than to get the drummer to go back to the original, as drummer is undoubtedly the weakest member in that regard. Once he's learned summat, don't change it else it will fall apart !
So I'm trying to explain to the guitarist turned stand in bass man (my fiance) that if he doesn't play original bass man's flash bit in "Tush" then the timing will crash out as the drummer has taken to picking it up and empathising it with some stabs, and he's being an arse and saying he'll do it if he can (and he can, because it's very simple - I can do it and I've been playing bass for approximately six weeks !) and the drummer pipes up, "Don't worry - in this case two wrongs will make a right."
No they won't, eejit - they'll make us sound like we crashed it. FFS.
Our drummer is the best musician in my band. He's probably got the best ear too, he can play guitar ok, but can figure out a song very quickly listening to it. And is a nasty drummer.
Dumbest bandmate was a two-for-one package, the singer & a guitarist in a cover band I was in. They would rarely learn songs on their own time, especially the singer..would take multiple practices just for her to get one song down, because she "had to learn them at practice." Combination of big ego from having a good voice, not being very intelligent, and lack of professionalism usually isn't a good mix.
Dumbest bandmate was a two-for-one package, the singer & a guitarist in a cover band I was in. They would rarely learn songs on their own time, especially the singer..would take multiple practices just for her to get one song down, because she "had to learn them at practice." Combination of big ego from having a good voice, not being very intelligent, and lack of professionalism usually isn't a good mix.
