You know, in my nearly 20 year "career" Ive encoutnered LOTS of real dolts... whether it in bands, auditions, open jams, etc. What I'd like to know though is.... take ALL the guys you have EVER played in an actual band with, and narrow it down to the absolute biggest moron you can think of. This can be someone who lacks sense, or is just plan stupid.
Mine is a cover band from 2001 I played in for a short period. We had a singer, his name was David. David was in his late 20 s then. He looked alot like the wrestler Stone Cold Steve Austin, cept he had a pot belly, and somewhat of a combover. He looked 1/2 cool... and 1/2 horrible. But the dude had golden pipes. He did some Priest, Sabbath, Dio.. he could wail.
Anyhow, 1st practice, he stood there and gave this speech about how the band should function. He told us that all of our gigs would start at 6 PM so that we could be home by 10 PM. I told him that the bars don't even open for load in until 7 30 usually, and that we will be expected to play til 1-2 am. He then told me, "if they want us bad enough, they'll meet our demands". I was thinking, "omg... this guy just fell out the stupid tree and hit his head on every branch before he landed". We all know that NO bar owner is going to listen to non sense like that from ANY band, much less one that hasnt had a gig yet. Nevermind, that most people are working or just getting home from work at 6 PM.. geez...
Anyhow, he told us the reason that gigs will end at 10 PM is that his lady can't sit at home waiting too long. She was pregnant btw, and I doubt it was even his to be honest, but I digress. He told me that her "sexual needs" come first, and that he will come first. Truth was, he was a jealous lunatic who didnt want to leave his woman at home for too long out of fear that Jody would be coming over to take care of business.
So the next practice, I suggest we do "White Room" by Cream. The guy told me that, "this band will play no cover from the 60s or 70s". I was like "ohhhh... k". He then told me that no one even knows who Cream is. I told him it was Eric Clapton's old band, and he told me "b*llpoopie", Eric Clapton wasnt in that band, he was a solo artist. Yeah...
So one day at practice, this moron decided to "show off" for us. He lived on a farm, and decided he was going to grease a pig, and then try to catch it (with no shirt on). I was drunk as hell, sitting outside with the rest of the band, who probably were like me, and just sticking around for the entertainment value at this point... he went to try and catch this pig, and ran head first into his truck and knocked himself out.
After a while, this guy's stupditiy and dicator-like behaviour was enough for me to hit the road.
About 3 years later, I saw an article about him in the paper. He had been arrested for exposing himself on a bridge to oncoming passengers on the Interstate.
I would say I wonder what hes up to now... but I don't.
