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Dumbest thing I've ever been told at a gig. Ever.

#41
In Buffalo there are a lot of dive bars that random bums and crack heads will walk into during the winter months to get warm for a while. One night I was playing in such a bar when some random bum (who I assume was drunk on sumptin') strolled in and stood there right in front.

We had just got done playing to Johnny Cash songs in a row when the random bum asks (in a voice that was a cross between Wolfman Jack & Scatman Crothers), "hey man - you guys do any Johnny Cash"?

Several people LOL'd.
 
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#43
Hi.

These kind of stories may sound extreme to the younger players and/or to those who haven't gigged that much outside the "safety zone" but for us more seasoned players they're nothing new.

If You think it's bad for the musicians, ask the engineers :D

Audience:
WOW, that's a lot of knobs.
Do You actually know what every knob does?
WOW, that's a lot of wires You have.
What would happen if I'd cut one of those wires?
The ____ is too loud, turn it down.
The ____ is too quiet, turn it up.
Too much/little highs, turn them down/up.
Too much/little lows, turn them down/up.
The drummer is too loud, turn him down (acoustic, unamplified set).
I used to do sound for ____ it would be foolish for You to ignore me.
I used to be a roadie for ____ it would be foolish for You to ignore me.
I used to be a truck driver for ____ it would be foolish for You to ignore me.
What kind of instrument You're playing there, a synth?
WOW, You're composing well. (A light engineer operating an analog controller)

The musicians:
I demand to use DI/mic (everyone, not just bass/keys)
I refuse to use DI/mic (everyone, not just bass/keys)
I want to use a cheap Shure55 knock off because it looks soooo cool.
I don't want to raise/tilt my amp/cab, because it's too loud/earpiercing then. (mostly guitarists :))
I want/demand You to make us sound just like in the recording. (which had about dozen vocal and guitar overdubs)
Could You run this tape (yes youngsters, a tape) in the beginning and end of the each set? (no prior warning or anything)
Turn us up really loud because the headliner has to be louder than everybody else.

The list is really endless, here's just a few that I remembered without digging too deep into my memories from the semi-pro sound engineer life I once had. Not all them are too pleasant ;).

As the sound engineers who have done gigs across the spectrum know, there really isn't too many new things that get asked or demanded.

Regards
Sam
 
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#45
"Why your band has three guitar players? Isn't just two enough?" - A silly drummer asked the form up of my band, after a few bottles of brandy.

"Well, that guy overthere is our bassist" - Answered our singer.

The drummer didn't, actually, hear anything we've played, but his knowledges through strings are still in mind. I mean, ALL the bassists must know even a little basic process of drumming and tempo. I was expecting more for a guy like that, even though he was drunk...
 
#46
Tylerrr51 said:
actually the high notes of a guitar slowly start to mess up a amp, i heard it from a friend so i wouldnt know
Click to expand...

I guess playing rock through a subwoofer in your car will damage it too then huh? LOL just because bass can break a guitar amp doesnt mean its vice versa. Its the low end of the spectrum that causes clipping not high end if the amp can handle low end you arent going to clip it.



Now my story, I had some drunk tard walk up to me and say, hey since you are kinda in the band do you get chicks like the other guys? I guess because im fat and a bass player and they are not either. So I turn to him and say yeah the bass is a great equalizer, just ask your girlfriend.
 
#47
T-Bird said:
Hi.

These kind of stories may sound extreme to the younger players and/or to those who haven't gigged that much outside the "safety zone" but for us more seasoned players they're nothing new.

If You think it's bad for the musicians, ask the engineers :D

Audience:
WOW, that's a lot of knobs.
Do You actually know what every knob does?
WOW, that's a lot of wires You have.
What would happen if I'd cut one of those wires?
The ____ is too loud, turn it down.
The ____ is too quiet, turn it up.
Too much/little highs, turn them down/up.
Too much/little lows, turn them down/up.
The drummer is too loud, turn him down (acoustic, unamplified set).
I used to do sound for ____ it would be foolish for You to ignore me.
I used to be a roadie for ____ it would be foolish for You to ignore me.
I used to be a truck driver for ____ it would be foolish for You to ignore me.
What kind of instrument You're playing there, a synth?
WOW, You're composing well. (A light engineer operating an analog controller)

The musicians:
I demand to use DI/mic (everyone, not just bass/keys)
I refuse to use DI/mic (everyone, not just bass/keys)
I want to use a cheap Shure55 knock off because it looks soooo cool.
I don't want to raise/tilt my amp/cab, because it's too loud/earpiercing then. (mostly guitarists :))
I want/demand You to make us sound just like in the recording. (which had about dozen vocal and guitar overdubs)
Could You run this tape (yes youngsters, a tape) in the beginning and end of the each set? (no prior warning or anything)
Turn us up really loud because the headliner has to be louder than everybody else.

The list is really endless, here's just a few that I remembered without digging too deep into my memories from the semi-pro sound engineer life I once had. Not all them are too pleasant ;).

As the sound engineers who have done gigs across the spectrum know, there really isn't too many new things that get asked or demanded.

Regards
Sam
Click to expand...

Haha! That reminds me of a shirt from HK Audio with the most important answers for live engineers printed on it's back (in German, but I tried to translate ;) ):

Yes...it is supposed to be that loud!

No...I don't know who's playing tonight!

Yes...I know all these knobs!

No...I can't make announcements!

Yes...this system has several thousand Watts!

No...I'm not the DJ!

Yes...I do this for a living!

No...I don't have any Gaffa Tape!

(...and th Edding stays here at the mixer!)


:D
 
#48
This from last October, in between sets, as I am the cfirst one back onstage to do some silent tuning for set 3 of 4:

Drunk Chick: Are you the DJ?
Me: Do you see a DJ booth here? Do DJ's use full drumkits and guitars?
Drunk Chick: I don't know

I wish that the reality TV crew present caught that exchange for the "Bridezilla" show, because it turned out that Drunk Chick was the bride's best friend. As it turned out, we really smoked in the ensuing set, and got her dancing...on the table with the pole. Here then is Drunk chick in all of her glory:

Link Removed
 
#49
My top 3:
3. Actually a question asked MANY times while setting up," Is there a band here tonight?"
2. During a break a guy says to me, " you must play bass because guitar was too hard."

Drum roll please.

And my #1. One year later, SAME guy says to me " you must play bass because guitar was too hard!"
 
#51
Hi.

^^^^^That HK printing (in english) was quite popular among sound engineers over here as well, and IIRC someone even went further and translated and printed it in finnish.

Only the fattest of us could've had enough surface area for the majority of the idiotic phrases people liked to shower us with.

Regards
Sam
 
#52
davidb said:
My top 3:
3. Actually a question asked MANY times while setting up," Is there a band here tonight?"
2. During a break a guy says to me, " you must play bass because guitar was too hard."

Drum roll please.

And my #1. One year later, SAME guy says to me " you must play bass because guitar was too hard!"
Click to expand...

Hey, I had the same thing happen to me once in between two sets.

Someone from the audience came up to me and asked that exact question.
I rolled my eyes and thought it was not worth responding.
But the rhythm guitarist was standing next to me and he handed me his vintage Telecaster... and turned a lot of distortion on in his rig.
I played the solo of Dyers Eve from Metallica. (In all fairness it was the only thing I could do on guitar at the time and off course it wasn't perfect. I can play pretty fast though.)

Then the guy said:
"I didn't knew you could play those kind of metal solos on those kind of guitars." (Telecaster)

:eyebrow:

The sad thing is... I thought he was an aspiring guitarist. (What I heard via via.)
 
#53
Invariably, everybody in the audience seems to think its "open mic" night. I have a standing $5 bet that any given chick approaching the stage will want to do Patsy Cline (Crazy, etc.), Me and Bobby McGee, or Pat Benatar's "Hit Me.."

I like to mess with their heads by learning / playing the tunes while modulating a half-step betweenst each verse and chorus (a la "Mack the Knife"). You should see the look of sheer panic in their eyes....its precious.

Riis
 
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#56
This isn't so much a dumb thing, but funny regardless.

I was at a gig one time, and talking to the sound guy, who played bass, so I figured things would be all sweet. Well, I tell him I've got a Hartke Head and he's like ok cool I know those, they have a DI right? I tell him yea and we break up and wait for my band to go on.

Well time comes for my band to go on stage, and I've got my rig set up and the sound guy comes up and asks me to go DI and I'm like, yea sure it's on the head. He then proceeds to stare at the front of my Head's face for about 2 minutes before telling me that it didn't have a DI out on it. I had to actually show him the out on the back of the amp. After that i started to worry about his skills as a mixer of live music, and my fears were confirmed, we sounded like a definition-less amalgamation of 5 instruments, it was bad.
 
#57
davidb said:
Hey Ren'e, amazing isn't it!!
The first time the guy said it I rolled my eyes too.
The secound time it took a set and a half to get my bass out of his a** !!!!
:)
Click to expand...

Yeah. Luckily I didn't get that much though.
I gigged longtime with a classic rockband... those kind of audiences seem to appreciate the job of a bassist and come and give compliments.
Also gigged quite a while in a metal band... there they (the crowd) don't appreciate the bassist as much.
Might be my perception.


Good thing all the guitarists (almost all) I played with were amazing guys. In the band they respected me, the bass player. Always had good experiences with bandmates.
(Except drummers :hiding:)

That guitarist who handed me his Telecaster, was an awesome dude. He was 42 and I was 20 at the time.
At any time, within reason off course, I could use/borrow his stuff when I needed too. Off course I was always responsible with his gear.

coronado3 said:
Once a patron asked our sound man if he could turn the drums down - He replied that the drums weren't even miked. The person thought for a moment and said with a completely serious tone "well, could you put some mics on them so you can turn them down?!"

That one is in our constant band joke rotation!
Click to expand...


LOL... :) I literally laughed out loud... (and someone is looking at me funny.)

I got to remember that. :D
 
#58
This happened just last week, but happened at a completely different bar a month ago, so I see a trend starting. We were asked (told) by the bar owner to turn down 3 times during a set so that his patrons could talk/hear amongst themselves. At the break, he turns on the juke box, and it is TWICE as loud as when we first started.
 

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