... a week turned into a month, and I couldn't keep on lying to myself. I had forgotten how to sleep. Not being a fan of video games I had gotten to the end of The Legend of Zelda. Killed the biggest monster, but there was a much bigger monster inside me. And it needed to be killed. I had no idea tonight would be that night.
When she said she wanted space I understood and gave it to her. I didn't call for a week, and then when I did her voice was reassuring. "I love you. I want to be with you. I just need some time to myself to sort a few things out." That was great, except for the fact that she then added, "I can't talk about it though. Not now." Three weeks later that same response demanded action. I needed to confront her.
It was 1AM. I knew she got off work at her restaurant at 1:30. I parked outside and waited. She came out looking as beautiful as ever, she saw me, said "Hi," and told me to wait for her to get her car out of the restaurant lot, they were going to lock the gates. I sat and watched in disbelief as she drove out, and raced away. I think the adrenaline must have squirted out of my ears. I quickly started the car, and started a scene out of Starsky and Hutch. She wasn't getting away! The chase was short. About three turns and six blocks later she pulled up next to a building, got out of the car, and said, "Leave me alone!!!"
My Sicilian blood wouldn't allow that without an explanation, and I grabbed her arm as she was trying to unlock the door to this building I was unfamiliar with. I begged her just to explain what was going on... and she did. "You see this door!?!? It belongs to an apartment me and Jack have had, long before I ever met you!" Jack was her boss, and about 35 years older than her. She was 21. He was in his late 50s. She had gone away with him "and his family" on several occasions. To suspect anything was going on between them was beyond absurd. She continued, "He's getting divorced and we're getting married. I loved you, but now we're done!" My eyes welled up with tears. I couldn't make sense of what she was saying. She started yelling, "Let me go! I don't want to be with you!!!!"
At that point, Jack came down. Jack was scared, as it was obvious that I was crazed by the news. He grabbed her other arm to pull her into the building, and my instinct was to slam him against the steps and release some of my anger. With a terrified look on his his face and a shaking voice he repeated what she said, "She doesn't want to be with you.." There must have been an angel hanging around one of the three of us because suddenly, everything fell into place. He was right. There was nothing I could do that would change that. She didn't want to be with me.
I let her go. They slammed the door shut and disappeared. I still had steam in my body and I released it by yelling some obscenities about their relationship as loud as I possibly could. I wanted the whole neighborhood to know what the owner of this very popular restaurant had going on, and with who. I believe I succeeded.
I jumped back in my car and had a breakdown of sorts. I'm not much of a crier, but I cried. I loved her, or at least thought I did. We spent over a year together. What followed was one of the greatest acts of kindness I think I ever encountered. I called a college friend, Diane, because she was the only one I could call that late at night. I tried to talk, but was incoherent. She said, "Joe! Just tell me where you are!" I was able to get that out, and she was there in ten minutes. I jumped into her car, she held me, and I cried for about 5 minutes straight without saying a word.
Pause: Yeah, I know I sound like a pussy, but hey... it's the truth... and I was a kid.
When I was able to talk she finally asked, "What's going on?" I was astounded that she was able to just give me love, without even knowing what had happened. She took me to her apartment (where she lived with her boyfriend), set me up on her couch, and popped The Wall in the VCR. I stayed there until the next morning.
When I got back in my car to drive home I realized something absolutely earth shaking had just happened to me. I was free. Completely free from the obsession I had with PJ, from the love I thought I had. I felt more complete than I ever remembered feeling. The pain was gone, and a newfound strength replaced it. All my sorrow left once I saw her for what she truly was, and it stayed away. I met a great girl shortly after that... and yada, yada, yada.... 25 years later wrote a book. But that story ain't in it.
Oh yeah, got a phone call the next day from PJs father threatening my life if I ever spoke to or went near her again, but just said, "No problem." And it wasn't a problem.
That's best I got without editing and stuff.
Wow. Great story. Reminds me of John Cusack's character Rob in High Fidelity.
