No one ever knows if a band is going to work out for them. You just have to try it out and see. Music is art and justifications for not liking something are never required when it comes to art. I’m with the others who have suggested a “less is more” approach. Perhaps remind yourself also that the OTHERS won’t hesitate to walk if it’s no longer working for THEM!
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Etiquette of quitting
- Thread starter NY2NH
- Start date
An unhappy stint with a band is not place to be.
Call the BL, tell him you are out and that you can honour the forthcoming date, if thats what you want to do.
If not, give notice inmediately and they can deal with it.
Call the BL, tell him you are out and that you can honour the forthcoming date, if thats what you want to do.
If not, give notice inmediately and they can deal with it.
Everyone there knows you're playing in another band. I suggest you simply let them know that you are moving on, thank them for the time you made music together and honor the last gig.
You never know when/if you'll cross paths again. Just my 2¢
You never know when/if you'll cross paths again. Just my 2¢
Just be honest and let the chips fall. Just remember, honesty can be done tactfully.
The importance of telling everyone at the same time is to make witnesses out of everyone. Rumors and lies are generated by selective news breaking.
Assume you are speaking with adults and let those you are talking to decide how they want to take the news. That makes it their choice. If they decide to show their ass they can’t blame it on you.
If backbiting or recrimination in the form of social media slagging occurs, do not get drawn into that mess. All it does is legitimize the juvenile behavior.
The thing to keep in mind is leaving a job is not some big emotional upheaval, it is a personal decision and those who can’t handle that will react badly. The adults in the room may be disappointed, but they will channel that into finding a replacement rather than trying to smear your rep because you popped their fantasy bubble that it was something besides a regular jam session with no real possibility of becoming more.
I haven't quit many bands, but the one I do remember I just said something along the lines of "it's not working for me" and/or "I am not having fun anymore". Just be respectful and don't burn any bridges.
Call the band leader let them decide if you should be on that last gig or not (maybe they wanna find a new guy and use that as a first gig) and tell him he can decide how the rest of them find out
I agree. If you wait until after the next gig, there might be another next gig on the books. Tell the leader now.
Less is more.
Tell the BL now. You aren't under any obligation to go into detail about your reasons. If they ask why, just say it's personal. If that isn't good enough for them, that's on them, not you.....you are giving plenty of advance notice including honoring the gig
Tell the BL now. You aren't under any obligation to go into detail about your reasons. If they ask why, just say it's personal. If that isn't good enough for them, that's on them, not you.....you are giving plenty of advance notice including honoring the gig
I've yet to leave any band and not have it be more dramatic than I wanted it to be, regardless of how professionally I've tried to handle it (plenty of notice, etc.) You're not going to be able to avoid that. So, just get your message across quick and clean. "I just want to pursue other opportunities." is probably enough if you feel compelled to provide an excuse.
If there's an agreed-upon band leader, I agree it's better just to go through that person. That's especially true if it's difficult to get everybody together in one place. No need to get all those logistics solved just to tell them all bad news in person.
If there's an agreed-upon band leader, I agree it's better just to go through that person. That's especially true if it's difficult to get everybody together in one place. No need to get all those logistics solved just to tell them all bad news in person.
"dear cover band,
I like you guys but this is just not my bag. I've joined a band which is a much better fit. I can committ through the date xx xx xx which will be my last tenure with this organization.
However, if you can find a replacement before that date that would be fine as well.
No hard feelings, this project is just not for me.
Sincerely..."
I like you guys but this is just not my bag. I've joined a band which is a much better fit. I can committ through the date xx xx xx which will be my last tenure with this organization.
However, if you can find a replacement before that date that would be fine as well.
No hard feelings, this project is just not for me.
Sincerely..."
I agree with several people above that you don't really need to provide "good" reasons to them. That is, you don't need to convince them that it's okay. You're the only one who needs to have reasons to play with them or not, so you don't need their approval or permission to quit.
JeezyMcNuggles
Inactive
- Feb 23, 2018
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- I suck, but nobody really notices
In my opinion, the depth of explanation you owe is proportionate to the amount of time and emotional investment you have in the band. If you're a troupe of brothers who have been playing together for thirty years, then you owe a full explanation of what you're feeling and your reasons for leaving. If you've just been playing with these folks a little while and aren't hugely close, then it's enough to say you've decided it's time to move on.
I agree that dragging everyone together as though for rehearsal and then springing on them that you're leaving isn't ideal. Barring that, your idea of a phone call to the BL is probably the best option.
Play the gigs you already committed to (unless they find a replacement sooner) and no more.
I agree that dragging everyone together as though for rehearsal and then springing on them that you're leaving isn't ideal. Barring that, your idea of a phone call to the BL is probably the best option.
Play the gigs you already committed to (unless they find a replacement sooner) and no more.
This is my feeling exactly, including the course of action.
I just wanted to emphasize that less is more. You don't owe then the full story and it's almost never the right decision to give explanations that aren't truthful.
Just my opinion, but...I say play the gig in a month and then give them your notice. It sounds to me like they would not be the type of musicians who could get a bass player up to speed in a month. So don't freak 'em out, do the best to just go with the flow until that month is over, then resign from the band to the band leader. No reasons why need to be given...just say your priorities have changed and you want to go in a different direction.
Good luck!
I'm not expecting them to get someone else for that gig, and I'll be in for the rehearsals between now and then. My issue is that they're talking about new open mics or otherwise public sessions after that. At this point, it's getting awkward because I'm offering tight smiles and noncommittal answers when the topic of doing more performing comes up. I need to come clean.
For God's sake, don't be honest! The real reason you're leaving is because they suck!
I would just let the band know at practice. All they need to know is that the band is not the right fit for you and I bet it won't come as a surprise to them. One issue I have leaving a band is collecting my gear. I left a band a year ago and they are still using some PA gear that I own.
IMO, you only need to personally deal with the BL. It's not necessary to form the whole band just to tell them you're moving on. A couple of years ago, we had a guy exit a project and he waited until we had gathered for a rehearsal to tell us. While I understood his position of being "honorable", I was kinda pissed that he wasted our time to gather and load in.
When I've walked away from a band, I've given notice so they are not suddenly in a situation where they have to rush a new guy in. I'm actually in the middle of parting ways with my band right now - told them in March (after months of being patient waiting for adjustments that never happened after telling them that XYZ needs to happen for me to stick around) that I'd cover my gig commitments through June 1. There was nothing on the books after that until October. If they can't fill a spot within three months, it just isn't my problem. (I think they've found their new guy, but still waiting on final confirmation.)
As for why, it's not required that you give any details. The situation is no longer a fit - that's all there is to it. If you feel like sharing more details, fine, but not necessary. Bands are commonly referred to as a 4 or 5 way marriages, but really it's more like long term poly-amorous dating - we're not bound by any oath to stay in the band any longer than you want to.
When I've walked away from a band, I've given notice so they are not suddenly in a situation where they have to rush a new guy in. I'm actually in the middle of parting ways with my band right now - told them in March (after months of being patient waiting for adjustments that never happened after telling them that XYZ needs to happen for me to stick around) that I'd cover my gig commitments through June 1. There was nothing on the books after that until October. If they can't fill a spot within three months, it just isn't my problem. (I think they've found their new guy, but still waiting on final confirmation.)
As for why, it's not required that you give any details. The situation is no longer a fit - that's all there is to it. If you feel like sharing more details, fine, but not necessary. Bands are commonly referred to as a 4 or 5 way marriages, but really it's more like long term poly-amorous dating - we're not bound by any oath to stay in the band any longer than you want to.
