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Etiquette of quitting
- Thread starter NY2NH
- Start date
Quitting should in theory be a simple matter.
Sometimes I make it harder with my own neurosis.
Sometimes the other guy(s) complicate things with their power politics. (That's usually a sign that I really needed to quit... one year ago!)
The Golden Rule applies here - but in both directions. How would I like someone to give notice if they're quitting my band? But also: how would I like someone to respond when I give them proper notice?
One other nugget of wisdom from my first big breakup: if a band can't survive without me, it won't survive with me either.
Sometimes I make it harder with my own neurosis.
Sometimes the other guy(s) complicate things with their power politics. (That's usually a sign that I really needed to quit... one year ago!)
The Golden Rule applies here - but in both directions. How would I like someone to give notice if they're quitting my band? But also: how would I like someone to respond when I give them proper notice?
One other nugget of wisdom from my first big breakup: if a band can't survive without me, it won't survive with me either.
The deed is done. Band Leader was fine with it and understood. We also had a frank talk about the quality of the band's product (he said a fellow member had brought it up and he wanted my honest opinion to see if I shared it), so his eyes are a bit more open. Anyway, we left it that I'll do (and prep for) the gig and we'll keep it under wraps to not kill the vibe leading up to it and then make the announcement a few days afterwards. All good. I feel so relieved. Thanks again for the input.
As my dear departed mother used to say.I need to remember and use this thought.
You know what’s worse than me? No me…
Just say, "I break with thee....I break with thee....I break with thee"....anda then throwa dog poopie ona dere shoes....
Good Work,
Always a positive thing (even in a negative situation) when cooler heads prevail and honest discussion ensues.
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Depends on your dynamic and the age of folks in your band but I had to do this recently as well to move on to greener pastures (IE folks that could finish at least 1 song in 2 years time). I still wanted to maintain the friendship for karaoke and hangs on superbowl Sunday so I tried to be gentle and while not completely honest I just said "Hey guys, my other bands commitments are getting to be more time consuming and serious. Unfortunately I'm going to have to bow out and focus on that." via the band text.
They're likely not going to sit in the wings to see if your other thing works out, my guys certainly didn't. I have since been "invited to be a part of the audience instead" from that band and found 2 more bands and nobody was bugging me to go back to the one I had quit.
They're likely not going to sit in the wings to see if your other thing works out, my guys certainly didn't. I have since been "invited to be a part of the audience instead" from that band and found 2 more bands and nobody was bugging me to go back to the one I had quit.
I like this approach. I was pretty honest with the band leader but I may soft pedal it more for the other members. There's definitely a social component I'll miss (that's what made me hesitate) as we've been talking about doing band BBQs and such. And I know they plan to keep open mic'ing locally. So I hope I'll be welcome at those things.
Sounds like you had a reasonable approach and it went well.
Four pages and no one suggested the shorthand term "etiquit", though?
Four pages and no one suggested the shorthand term "etiquit", though?
It feels good when the decision is made, doesn't it? Best of luck on your new project!
I got my notice today. Just exactly like my being on the fence deciding on continuing with the cover band, it's that mix of emotion from being cut and the relief that I can put it behind. There's some justice in all this even though it feels like a passive result. Time to reflect and make more active and personal rewarding plans.
