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Excuses

#144
thepontif said:
It must be an interesting life for you.
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I had no choice; reading comprehension isn't everyone's forte :)

Phil Smith said:
A BL that is worrying a month down the road whether or not one of the people he called that couldn't do the gig, was home watching TV on the night of the gig, after already finding someone, has some problems. I've played the role of BL, did the calls, and all that mattered to me is whether or not I could get the bodies to the gig for the money that I could afford to offer. The moment someone says no, I call the next person on the list. I think people that are actually doing this do the same but of course there are exceptions to every rule.
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I like how you worded your counter so that it seems like any BL does this clearly has issues. It's very hyperbolic of you :) Unfortunately, the picture you've painted of the angst-filled BL thinking endlessly about why a sub told him 'no' wasn't what I was conveying, either, and it's a straw man.

I'm moving on from this thread. Apparently trying to compromise and make it so that everyone is right isn't enough these days.
 
#145
jmattbassplaya said:
I had no choice; reading comprehension isn't everyone's forte :)

I like how you worded your counter so that it seems like any BL does this clearly has issues. It's very hyperbolic of you :) Unfortunately, the picture you've painted of the angst-filled BL thinking endlessly about why a sub told him 'no' wasn't what I was conveying, either, and it's a straw man.

I'm moving on from this thread. Apparently trying to compromise and make it so that everyone is right isn't enough these days.
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You're not compromising. You said that I'm not wrong. But I don't need you to tell me whether I'm right or I'm wrong. I don't care if you think I'm right or I'm wrong. I care what other people's viewpoints are, and admittedly I don't understand a lot of them. There's really nothing wrong with that. I have lots and lots of experience in the music business on many many different levels, so it surprises me a little bit when I find somebody who thinks so differently from anyone else I have ever encountered that I can't understand them.

No offense, but your arguments do not and will never make any sense to me..
 
#147
Funny that I found this thread when I did, as this situation happened to me just yesterday. To complicate matters, the bandleader in question is one of my bosses at the university where I teach. He asked if i could cover a short hit on Friday evening. I told him that I promised my son I'd be home that night because I will be gone playing every other night of the weekend. I let him know that I'd love to play but that I don't want to break a promise to my son (10 years old). I told him to try and find another bassist, but that if he absolutely got stuck I could bail him out.

Not only was he OK with this, but he complimented me on balancing work and family when I saw him today.
 
#148
I am not sure why this has become as contentious as it has. It's pretty simple, really. A BL asking if you are available for a gig should be expecting one of two answers, yes or no. Polite and professional people understand that asking for an explanation is rude and unprofessional.

There are always exceptions - and I think having a somewhat close personal relationship with the BL certainly could expand the boundaries of politeness a little and forgive them a minor followup like, "Oh? Are you already booked?" or something like "Oh man... I really wanted you on this gig. Is there anything I can do that might change your answer?"

But making up excuses on your end is both not necessary - and in my opinion - wrong. I think lying to the BL is disrespectful even if you are trying to avoid simply letting him know that you just don't want the gig - but again, your reasons are your reasons and you should never have to explain yourself in this situation.
 
#149
tZer said:
I am not sure why this has become as contentious as it has. It's pretty simple, really. A BL asking if you are available for a gig should be expecting one of two answers, yes or no. Polite and professional people understand that asking for an explanation is rude and unprofessional.

There are always exceptions - and I think having a somewhat close personal relationship with the BL certainly could expand the boundaries of politeness a little and forgive them a minor followup like, "Oh? Are you already booked?" or something like "Oh man... I really wanted you on this gig. Is there anything I can do that might change your answer?"

But making up excuses on your end is both not necessary - and in my opinion - wrong. I think lying to the BL is disrespectful even if you are trying to avoid simply letting him know that you just don't want the gig - but again, your reasons are your reasons and you should never have to explain yourself in this situation.
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Agreed. I believe it should be, and USUALLY is, that simple.
 
#150
Wow, it looks like this entire thread just went in a big circle. Awesome. The Pontif, I'm sorry I sounded like a smart-ass. I kinda am one, in case you guys didn't notice. It's nothing personal. It's just that, I have my opinion and you have yours and truuuuuust me, we are very different people. Like I said, my life is just not like yours at all, and my morals are obviously different. I'm sorry I jumped down your throat about it.

I guess your attitude initially set me off because I am newer to the game than you, I am busting my @$$ to get out there and play, I would do anything to get better and to be successful as a musician, and in the meantime I am a 30-year old woman who has opted never to have kids or a family so that I can focus on my work and my dreams before I wake up in 20 years being like, "Oh, f### what happened." I work two part-time jobs and I limp through on 5-6 hours of sleep so I can have time after work to play music and get out there and network. For me right now, I'm investing absolutely everything I can into my music and into being a killer bassist who everyone wants to call and work with.

So when I read about someone being like, "Hey, I just can't take this gig because (insert reason)," on this very abstract level, it almost offends me because of the simple fact that there are many, many bassists out there who would kill to take your place...or to be in the position to turn work down.

Does that make sense? Kinda?
 
#151
hernameisrio said:
Wow, it looks like this entire thread just went in a big circle. Awesome. The Pontif, I'm sorry I sounded like a smart-ass. I kinda am one, in case you guys didn't notice. It's nothing personal. It's just that, I have my opinion and you have yours and truuuuuust me, we are very different people. Like I said, my life is just not like yours at all, and my morals are obviously different. I'm sorry I jumped down your throat about it.

I guess your attitude initially set me off because I am newer to the game than you, I am busting my @$$ to get out there and play, I would do anything to get better and to be successful as a musician, and in the meantime I am a 30-year old woman who has opted never to have kids or a family so that I can focus on my work and my dreams before I wake up in 20 years being like, "Oh, f### what happened." I work two part-time jobs and I limp through on 5-6 hours of sleep so I can have time after work to play music and get out there and network. For me right now, I'm investing absolutely everything I can into my music and into being a killer bassist who everyone wants to call and work with.

So when I read about someone being like, "Hey, I just can't take this gig because (insert reason)," on this very abstract level, it almost offends me because of the simple fact that there are many, many bassists out there who would kill to take your place...or to be in the position to turn work down.

Does that make sense? Kinda?
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Yes it makes sense. I can totally appreciate your passion and encourage you to hold on to it!
 
#152
hernameisrio said:
...

So when I read about someone being like, "Hey, I just can't take this gig because (insert reason)," on this very abstract level, it almost offends me because of the simple fact that there are many, many bassists out there who would kill to take your place...or to be in the position to turn work down.

Does that make sense? Kinda?
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I hear you too. But rather than getting offended, you should be encouraged. The fact that some players are turning down gigs (for whatever reasons - it's not our place to ask ;) ) means there are more for the rest of us. Getting bent about it is sort of like looking a gift horse in the maw, innit? :p
 
#156
thepontif said:
So here's a scenario for you. And to be clear, I am not asking for advice, but interested in how people handle this.

A bandleader calls you for a gig a month away. You look at your calendar and see that you will be coming home from a family vacation two days before. You really don't want to do the gig. So you simply say, sorry I'm busy and I can't do it. Then the bandleader asks you what you have going on that night. Are you honest and simply say, I just don't feel like playing that night, or do you make up a story?
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one word = family

nine words = lets do a shot of tequila before the gig

either way you win
 

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