Fired from band by text....

[Plutonium244]

I think it’s way easier to express myself through written words than spoken words. I am a good writer but a mediocre speaker. I’ve rarely had my words misinterpreted when written because I write precisely but because I can’t speak equally precisely, it’s more likely for my spoken words to be misinterpreted.

And I’m a second language speaker at that. I get tongue tied on the phone sometimes. People communicate at different skill levels.

I think ultimately people’s unsatisfaction comes from the people involved and the dynamics of the relationships and whether the split was mutually beneficial. People blame the method of communication but ultimately it wouldn’t have mattered.

If you're not a native speaker, then perhaps for you, that makes sense. For everyone else, not so much. My feeling is that if you have a personal history, then you must speak directly-- it can create feelings of anger, of being disrespected, to do otherwise-- and even for millennials who, according to studies, are on average somewhat empathy-challenged, surely that is something significant to be avoided.

Now, if you just auditioned for a band, and they texted you to say "thanks for auditioning, but we have decided to go a different way, best of luck to you in the future", that would be okay, because you don't have a personal history, and they may have numerous people to contact and let them know they didn't get the gig.

I know it's something of a generational thing, but let me know when you find a young person who isn't a bit put off by being fired from a band that way. I suspect most would be.

 

[honeyiscool]

If you're not a native speaker, then perhaps for you, that makes sense. For everyone else, not so much. My feeling is that if you have a personal history, then you must speak directly-- it can create feelings of anger, of being disrespected, to do otherwise-- and even for millennials who, according to studies, are on average somewhat empathy-challenged, surely that is something significant to be avoided.

Now, if you just auditioned for a band, and they texted you to say "thanks for auditioning, but we have decided to go a different way, best of luck to you in the future", that would be okay, because you don't have a personal history, and they may have numerous people to contact and let them know they didn't get the gig.

I know it's something of a generational thing, but let me know when you find a young person who isn't a bit put off by being fired from a band that way. I suspect most would be.

I just feel like if you feel angry and disrespected after getting fired via text, chances are it started long before getting fired via text, and it would happen no matter how the firing was done.

I mean, is that wrong?

 

[LBS-bass]

I have to say that there are times I don't want to be argued with over a decision I've made. Angry confrontation serves no one well and in those situations perhaps text isn't such a horrible thing. I think it's part of the kneejerk reaction to being told something unpleasant to then blame the person's choice of delivery method, as well. Because we can all then agree that the person with bad news is a jerk, since texting that news clearly shows how jerky they are.

 

[40Hz]

Everything happens via text now.

Not eveyone dwells in your virtual reality. So while it might be true to say that you and your circle do everything by text in your small corner of the universe, I’d be a little less sure you constitute the practices of everyone else.

Also, there is phone anxiety and all that.

Sounds like a personal problem. And if that’s the case, avoidance via a technical workaround is a bad strategy to deal with it.

Communication is communication.

Not true. There’s a good deal of research done in the field of information and signal theory that shows communication is nowhere near as simple an affair as you seem to feel it is.

It’s a generational gap, I assure you. No interpersonal skills need working on.

No interpersonal skills other than maybe exercising the common courtesy of not talking like an ageist bigot?

And “generational gap?” Seriously? I thought that phrase and way of thinking went out of vogue with the 60s and go-go boots. But apparently not.

Same old wine in a brand new bottle. Small surprise.

 

[honeyiscool]

Not eveyone dwells in your virtual reality. So while it might be true to say that you and your circle do everything by text in your small corner of the universe, I’d be a little less sure you constitute the practices of everyone else.

OK, so let's say I accept that.

Not true. There’s a good deal of research done in the field of information and signal theory that shows communication is nowhere near as simple an affair as you seem to feel it is.

In that case, accepting your premise, because it's common for people in me and my circle to do everything via text, then even the act of calling someone out of the blue is what, a break from usual and therefore likely to put walls up.

No interpersonal skills other than maybe exercising the common courtesy of not talking like an ageist bigot?

And “generational gap?” Seriously? I thought that phrase and way of thinking went out of vogue with the 60s and go-go boots. But apparently not.

Same old wine in a brand new bottle. Small surprise.

But why, yes, exactly the point. Every generation experiences generational gaps. First with people older than them. Then with people younger than them. So we'll be talking about generational gaps until the end of time, and older people will struggle to understand younger people. Hell, there are plenty of things that I don't understand that is common among younger millennials/post-millennials/Generation Z. And I don't just mean eating Tide Pods. I'm sure that was just blown out of proportion. Those kids will communicate in ways that are completely mysterious to me and will seem rude unless I try to understand rather than judge.

 

[honeyiscool]

I have to say that there are times I don't want to be argued with over a decision I've made. Angry confrontation serves no one well and in those situations perhaps text isn't such a horrible thing. I think it's part of the kneejerk reaction to being told something unpleasant to then blame the person's choice of delivery method, as well. Because we can all then agree that the person with bad news is a jerk, since texting that news clearly shows how jerky they are.

Bingo!

 

[40Hz]

unless I try to understand rather than judge.

Questioning someone’s premises or assumptions is not being judgmental. It is an invitation to provide greater clarity.

Unfortunately, in this hypersensitive period in our society’s development, asking why someone thinks the way they do is somehow come to be considered threatening and aggressive. Usually by those who tend to fire off half-baked thoughts and sweeping conclusions only to discover most times they don’t have much of a leg to stand on.

In the past it was generally considered rude to tell someone what to believe. That seems to have morphed into some now arguing it is also unacceptable to ask why someone believes or advocates for what they do.

Which is a problem whenever you run into someone like me. Because my attitude is: If you have any additional answers, I will be happy to provide you with full and detailed questions.

And I’m not alone. I’m with those that have no issues entering into dialog or engaging in debate on a topic in hopes of learning or arriving at some greater level of clarity. What we do have a problem with is listening to speeches and being pontificated to.

If someone is more comfortable standing on a soapbox rather than sitting down and rationally discussing something in a back and forth manner, so much the worse for their warm fuzzies and righteous indignation at being called out. I'm perfectly good with that.

 

[pwhalen]

OK, so let's say I accept that.

In that case, accepting your premise, because it's common for people in me and my circle to do everything via text, then even the act of calling someone out of the blue is what, a break from usual and therefore likely to put walls up.

But why, yes, exactly the point. Every generation experiences generational gaps. First with people older than them. Then with people younger than them. So we'll be talking about generational gaps until the end of time, and older people will struggle to understand younger people. Hell, there are plenty of things that I don't understand that is common among younger millennials/post-millennials/Generation Z. And I don't just mean eating Tide Pods. I'm sure that was just blown out of proportion. Those kids will communicate in ways that are completely mysterious to me and will seem rude unless I try to understand rather than judge.

That may be, but generally speaking in a business/professional situation you adapt to the highest standard on the board, not the lowest.

 

[Bassbeater]

I would probably text it, then talk about it a little on the phone if they wanted.

I would not do this:
"ur fired. cum get ur rig k?"

I would write a nice text to fire somebody:
"It causes me great pain to make this decision, because bla bla bla, you're a friend for life and thanks for everything."

 

[delta7fred]

I once was fired when the BL had his mother call me up and tell me I was out

We had a bass player quit by not turning up to a gig (I played lead), any form of communication would have been better than none, but at the time there was only letter, phone or in person!

From things he had said to me during the week before the gig I got the feeling he was not going to show so loaded my P bass and Strat. I played my P through my guitar amp all night and switched back to bass from that night on. (Playing lead is grossly overrated, not a patch on bass!)

 

[basspla915]

If you're not a native speaker, then perhaps for you, that makes sense. For everyone else, not so much. My feeling is that if you have a personal history, then you must speak directly-- it can create feelings of anger, of being disrespected, to do otherwise-- and even for millennials who, according to studies, are on average somewhat empathy-challenged, surely that is something significant to be avoided.

Now, if you just auditioned for a band, and they texted you to say "thanks for auditioning, but we have decided to go a different way, best of luck to you in the future", that would be okay, because you don't have a personal history, and they may have numerous people to contact and let them know they didn't get the gig.

I know it's something of a generational thing, but let me know when you find a young person who isn't a bit put off by being fired from a band that way. I suspect most would be.

Excellent points! Also, if someone is not a native speaker, we may assume that they come from a different culture. Perhaps in this other culture, respect, consideration and communications are not valued in the same way as we try to maintain in our culture.

 

[40Hz]

Excellent points! Also, if someone is not a native speaker, we may assume that they come from a different culture. Perhaps in this other culture, respect, consideration and communications are not valued in the same way as we try to maintain in our culture.

By the same token, the culture you find yourself in the midst of is the behavioral norms it's incumbent on you to adapt to rather than the other way around. Most places in the world there isn't much in the way of acceptance of non-local norms. People will tell you to your face that something you're doing or saying is not the way things are done there, and make no apologies for it.

In all fairness to the USA, this is one of the few countries I've been in where outside cultural norms and behaviors are generally given the benefit of the doubt and at least tolerated to a higher degree than most places. Probably because we're not a mono-culture like some believe this country is. I always get a chuckle when somebody starts a comment with "You Americans..." or "You Americans think..."

Which Americans are you talking about? White Americans? Black Americans? Asian Americans? Native Americans? Hispanic Americans? East Coast? West Coast? North? South? Midwest? Christians? Evangelicals? Mormons? Jews? Non-Christians? Boomers? Gen-X, Gen-Y, Millennials? Republicans? Democrats? Independents? Libertarians? Neo-Cons? Red Staters? Blue Staters? People with incomes over $100K? People living below the poverty line? Retirees? Hourly workers? Contract workers? Salaried workers? Union members? Business owners? People with disabilities? Veterans? People with college educations? People with professional certifications? Straights? Gays? Transgenders? Fender players? Gibson players? <the next 1000 groups have been omitted in the interests of brevity)

Each of these groups have their own ideas, needs, and priorities.

About the only thing "united" in these states is that we all agree to disagree about almost everything. That, and how we're sure, in our heart of hearts, that it's a sure bet every other group in the country is getting a better deal and more than our group is.

So precisely which Americans are "you Americans?" Even "We the People" can't entirely agree on who or what an "American" is, or what it means.

It's kinda funny - but in a good way.

ok...End of my babbling off topic.

 

[Bassbeater]

So precisely which Americans are "you Americans?"

The fire people via txt msg Americans

 

[40Hz]

The fire people via txt msg Americans

Touche! (A growing subgroup apparently.)

 

[electracoyote]

I would not do this:
"ur fired. cum get ur rig k?"

ha ha ha

For some of us who grew up having to form complete sentences over a telephone, that really looks like something out of a science fiction movie. Or a science fiction comedy like Sleeper.